[Ash]: 102.March Mad-Dash!.Day-08

MMC-08

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To say I love you to Miss Cornelia Buttercup Swanson was going to be a hard, difficult and over all pain in the ass thing to do as she sat there swing on her poach with a huge glass of lemonade. The damsel who had been in distress more than any other dame in the county would surely not go for the rugged type, even if I had done some recent life saving. And then of course even if that very recent and dramatic life saving happened to include a certain damsel by the name of Miss Cornelia Buttercup Swanson.

Oh, she was a peck and a half from just giving up on finding mister right since the princess on her high and mighty throne was realizing she was a pretty face a smart mind and not much more to that. Who would want the perfect woman if it excluded children and house maintenance? I reckon I could since I needed a misses and she would be a right pretty one. With all the precious money in the world, what’s a little arguing over love, I already have two kids, and they can done take care of themselves by now.

I approached Miss Cornelia Buttercup Swanson and bowed my head like I ought to in a nice gentleman way. She nodded at me like I was some time of awful peasant. “Well Missy, looky here, I do reckon it’s time I would be finding myself a wife and well, you ain’t no spring chicken and neither am I. The flowers will be booming soon and I’ve got all the comforts a sophisticated lady like yourself would be most interested in. I’d be much happy and very honored if you would be my wife and we could get married in Spring.”

“Why on God’s green earth would I marry someone who comes home with dirt on the back of their necks? You look like you fell in a mud pit then that ol’ mud pit spit you back out.” Her words were to be expected. The queen of March County asserting herself like the gorgeous peacock she is, strutting her feather and showin’ off like it’s her god damn job. The lovely lady turned away not looking at me no more, I reckon maybe she was done tired of seeing my old mug, but she’d get over it for the money.

“Well, now look here miss all high and mighty. I done saved your life from fallen off that cliff and you should do my a kindness by at least looking at me. I’m the only suitor left in these here parts and if you don’t accept me then someone else will. You’ll be spinster with no one to take care of you, and I think you have deserve it.” The word hit her like a sack of potatoes. She done stared at me like I was the devil dressed in his best black suit with the huge red fiery horns.

“Why I never!” I had ruffled the peacock’s feather’s a bit. She got up off her porch swing and paced on some whitewash boards like her head was going to explode. It kind of made me want to laugh at her. She fumed even more when I did. Her show was hilarious until her younger, prettier and engaged sister came out to see what the fuss Miss Cornelia Buttercup Swanson was causing was all about. “This degenerate thinks that he has a right to marry me! The scandal of it all! Sir, I demand you leave my property at once!”

“Well Buttercup, it looks to me like your thinking you’re the prized cow again. You’re just a plain one.” Miss Alexandria ‘Sissy’ Sasha Swanson smiled like a fox in the hen house. Sissy had a way of getting to her sister that no one would dare to go. Sissy pissed Cornelia off more and more. Most of us think it’s right deviant of her to keep doing so but apparently Sissy find the entertainment in it. “Now Buttercup, what you need to do is think about his offer. He’s a rancher, he’s rich, already has kids. Work’s done for you!”

“I cannot believe my ears, Sissy. He is below us, we are a great family. We will only marry the best. Why, you’re marrying Clive Ridgewall, he’s the son of the town founder and one of the smartest young men in Ridgewall! Think about it Sissy, what does Daniel Gaffe have to offer me?” Sissy looked at me with a glint in her eye. I didn’t know what she was going to say next, but I knew what did would completely wreak Miss Cornelia Buttercup Swanson’s day like nothing ever had before. I was just hoping to avoice some crying.

“Buttercup, sweet heart. I want you to listen to me. You’re last suitor… Was in 1843. That’s five years ago! You should be lucky someone wants your old ass anymore! You’ve got wrinkles and your boobs are so saggy you can almost swat flies with them like a cow’s tail. Get a clue, Missy and think about your future, you won’t be able to walk on your own soon! You’ll need the wheel chair grams is using!” Ouch. The color on Cornelia’s face drained to an ugly white and she scowled at the beauty before her in the tanned skin.

Miss Cornelia Buttercup Swanson was in a state of utter shock. Sissy walked away with a little skip in her step and the wind began rolling in making Cornelia look like something that had just crawled out of her bed. She began muttering and looked around frantically. I asked her again getting her attention. The dame that was untamable was in a state of panic. “You say I won’t have children and I’ll be attended to?” I nodded and smiled. “Fine then, just fine. The wedding will happen second day of spring and I will not have any hicks there!”