[ghost]: 200.Stories.Fragments of You

I never met Wednesday.

Fumbling with the telephone, I tell her I miss her, and I’m proud of her. I don’t really understand, but she never asked me to understand – only to accept. And I do.

We never used to fight. Oh, there were disagreements, certainly, but it was never her and then me, me and then her – only us. She liked it when I spiked my hair, but I never had the time. Some days, it was nice to surprise her.

A lot of it I still don’t understand.

She never told her parents she and I were dating. She loathed to let me see her in uniform. I don’t hate the uniform and anyway it’s kinda cute. I want to go and watch those softball games I hear so much about. Why won’t you let me see you then? She responds, but doesn’t answer.

There are things I almost wish you never told me. I blame the alcohol because I can’t bear to feel this way about you.

The phone rings, answered without expectation. Hello. That voice from so long ago, instantly understood and she’s here right in front of me, just like that. A smile I’d almost forgotten wells back up from inside of me, but I can’t look at her. I don’t want to hate you. I don’t want this to be all those days were worth.

She tells me she’s pregnant. When’s the baby due? Do you regret loving me? I want to hate him. It’s easy to hate him. Too easy. I wish I could have met him. I wish I could have been at the wedding. I understand why he didn’t want me there. Who am I anyway. But even so, maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad.

I remember being so amazed, that first time I saw her. This stranger I’d met so many times before, and whom I knew like I knew my own heart, standing before me, suddenly real. She was nervous, I could see that, but so was I. I was so worried that I’d disappoint. But you never did disappoint.

And when you asked if I would wait, it was all so absurd I had to laugh. Of course I’ll wait for you. Take as long as you want. I’ll be here. She asked if I meant that. Of course I mean that. I always have.

The day you bought Wednesday, you called me and told me all about it. I remember the way you loved Wednesday, the way his green leaves always seemed so happy when you watered him.

The day you met him, you called me then, too. I hid you away in my heart that day, my sacred little sadness. I try to move on, but I can’t help but feel I’m still waiting.

I guess a lot of it I’ll never understand.

But she never asked me to.