[Nell]: 226.Stories.Shorts.Catty Choice

What animal would I be? A cat, of course. Everyone knows that cats are the most wonderful animals on earth. As a domesticated household cat, I'd be fed and pampered everyday, with nothing to do except sleep on the heat registers and fight off other cats. I would be the envy of every animal. I would be graceful. I would have beautiful fur and eyes. I would be intelligent. I would have retractable claws. I would look adorable…I mean, ferocious! I would go where I want to go, and do what I want to do, which would mainly will consist of eating, sleeping, and using my servants as pincushions. Oh, you thought cats had owners? Tut tut, so misinformed. I'll explain it to you.


That whole food chain thing is totally outdated, it works like this: there are The-Things-That-Get-Put-In-Cat's-Food-Dishes, and then The-Things-That-Serve-And-Worship-Cats, and there are Cats, right at the top. Simple, neh? Cats, and specifically the Russian Blues (a royal breed favoured by privileged Russian Czars), are a superior species. I've even written a poem from the point of view of my cat when he was asked to write poetry, just so I could have a taste of what his life is like.


Poetry by The Cat

She asked me, the cat, to write you poetry,
Because she's too lazy to do it herself.
I've never done any poetry before,
Never had the inclination for that stuff,
But I've always known I have a way with words.

Despite a lack of language skills on her part,
I pride myself in managing to convey,
Through exaggeration of body and voice,
What I want from her, after years of training,
Although I find she still gets mixed up sometimes.

To her credit, she does have a few uses,
Making for an excellent heated surface,
Albeit a somewhat squirmy one at night.
She's nearly squashed me more than a dozen times,
However, she's good for a stroke now and then.

Her stupidity is not really her fault,
Cats are deeper than humans could ever be,
Just consider how much introspect we do,
Regard the arrangements we've made with people,
It's obvious who is more intelligent.

So, you'd like to know what I would write about,
It's hard to say, since writing is so human,
But I'd hazard a guess at something lyric,
You know, the thoughts of cats are much sought after,
Why, this here is an excellent example.


You see, cats are the only way to go. Of course, I could also mention the nine-lives thing, and that they are worshiped as gods and bringers of black luck (a handy curse to have around when your salmon isn't tasting just right), but some people would think that I'm over-doing it. I'll be a cat, and if you want to be something really fantastic in your next life, you'll be one too. And for all the others out there who won't be joining the feline contingent, don't worry, somebody's got to be The-Things-That-Get-Put-In-Cat's-Food-Dishes.

(actually, I wanted to be a dolphin, but I was getting the Evil Eye from His Majesty *pout*)