[RiddleRose]: 298.Stories.The Cow That Was

The Cow That Was

Once upon a time there was a cow. The cow was just an ordinary cow, and it spent its entire life chewing on grass and things, and giving milk to the farmer who owned it, and having little cows. Then one day there was an earthquake, and the cow fell down an enormous chasm in the earth and got stuck. Fortunately there were tunnels down there that had been long ago abandoned by the Tibetan monks who had built them, and the cow wandered along one of these, mooing plaintively. The cow eventually found a secret underground civilisation that had never seen a cow before, and they worshipped it as a god. But they didn't know what a cow was supposed to eat, so the cow was very hungry. Luckily, being worshipped had given her strange and unusual powers, (and a gender) and so she created grass. The natives had never seen grass before, and they worshipped the grass too. The cow continued her happy life of grass and milk and worshippedness. Because she was a cow, this monotonous life never got boring, and she lived happily for the rest of her days. She even miraculously had a little cow, which had even more strange and unusual powers, because it was worshipped from day one, and it created a strange animal which it called a sheep. The sheep was so fluff-headed that even all of the prayers of the people couldn't motivate it to do anything other than eat and poop, but it was a happy sheep nevertheless. The cow was elevated into the ceilings of the caverns when she died, and a formation of stalactites formed in her image, and she was remembered forever as The Cow That Was. Her descendants acquired a cult following which viewed its entire purpose in life as sitting around and chewing on celery. They tried grass, but decided that it wasn't really the thing for humans, so they used celery instead. Although there were never any male cows, somehow the line continued. There is still much speculation as to how this could be, and it is generally accepted as fact that the GREAT MAN-COW came from the biggest stalagmite and did naughty things with The Cow That Was and her descendants, which resulted in little cows. Why there were never male cows born is merely because there is no such thing as a male cow, they are called bulls. The End.