[Eloura]: 341.Poems.Imay or may not

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Eloura

Created:

2007-12-04 14:24:15

[Eloura]: 341.Poems.Unknown

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[Eloura]: 341.Poems

[Eloura]: 341.Poems.Don't forget

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Public Domain

(I wrote this a few weeks or month or so ago, it for someone i really care about and who care's about me. i hope he like's it)

I may not be the perfect one
i may never succed
i may only be in love
but your in love with me

I hate myself
have told you so
yet you never care
you tell me no matter wha
you will always
be there

i smiles and giggle
just at the tought
of your name

i blush and grin
as my heart does flips
seeing you each day

i nearly cry
eveytime
i hear
you say
my
name

then i smiles
as we talk for awhile
any my heart
tis all ablaze

2007-12-04 aVorbiss: A common theme which you try to convey, and it's def. worth writing on. You should try working on consistency on grammar, not saying to write properly (we all know ee cummings didn't) but just stay consistent.

2007-12-06 Eloura: Ok, sorry it's not to consistent, i just was putting up the rough draft to get an idea of wha people think on it.

2007-12-21 Ash: Confused... It's got a good back bone but you're like bipolar through it. I think if you went through and added length, added a 't' to 'wha' and added a little more frame work it'd be fine. Also, when you don't capitalize at the begining it kid of distracts. I'm only being harsh because I KNOW you CAN do world better. 5/9 The Rater's Guild

2007-12-29 Eloura: You really think can do better?