2007-07-27 Ash: You better continue writing like this, absolutely loved it. Kindra being in the wrong country was hilarious. 2007-07-29 Ravendust: Yes, I know that it's a bit lacking in some detail, thank you for the advice^^ I'll see about adding in a bit more detail to this later, when I've got time to do so. [Ravendust]: 343.Aftershock
Rating: 0.00
~Prologue~
Prologue
Raven
It was raining rather lightly, though still the streets were relatively flooded and puddles pockmarked the sidewalks. Raven carried an umbrella, though it still didn’t do much to help her soaked pant legs and shoes. These, though, didn’t put a damper on her mood. She was in one of the shopping districts of Tokyo.
Raven hummed softly to herself as she passed gracefully through the crowd of people. The low roar of their conversations hovered heavily upon the air, their pleasure only adding to her own. The tantalizing scent of roasting meats and other delectable foods tempted her empty belly, though she was focused wholly upon shopping, or at least window shopping as she was now doing. She resisted the urge to splurge. More than anything she wanted to find something that she truly desired.
The wind began to pick up then, tearing at her umbrella as she stopped to look at a pair of delicate silk kimonos. The rain beat heavier against the concrete and her windswept umbrella. An alarm began to throb above them then and the crowd stopped, silent. Raven gaped at the fast darkening sky and picked up her pace, thoroughly confused and frightened at the rapid worsening of the weather and the alarm.
She stopped when she caught sight of several televisions set in the window of a shop, focused, currently, on the news. Her umbrella snapped and rolled into the busy street, though she didn’t notice. She was staring at the weather map- and the three large hurricanes that surrounded Japan, “What the hell…” She muttered to herself, “Storms this large should have been traceable for days- yet I haven’t heard a word of it. Light rain showers my ass- those things are deadly…” She brushed her fingers through her hair, realizing that it was soaked and plastered to her head.
She started walking again- she had nearly an hour’s walk to get back to her cousin’s house, and part of that journey would take her near a steep Cliffside. As lightning flashed across the sky, she forced herself to move faster, straining against the now powerful winds and shielding her eyes from the pelting rain.
“Hey, hey miss!” A woman’s voice called, and Raven turned, noting that the woman was looking directly at her.
“Yes?” She called back uncertainly.
“You need to get out of the streets before the weather worsens, why don’t you come inside?” The woman asked, bracing herself in a doorway as though she would be blown away otherwise.
“I’ll be fine.” Raven called back, not quite understanding why the woman sounded so frantic, “I’m headed back home now, you’ve no need to worry.”
“The storms are worsening,” The woman said, her eyebrows knitting together, “At this rate within the hour it’ll be far too dangerous to remain in the streets.”
“My home’s not that much further, thank you anyway.” Raven called to the woman.
“Be careful!” The woman called after her retreating form as Raven continued down the streets, which now seemed oddly empty.
She’d been walking for nearly twenty minutes when a rounded piece of metal struck her in the side of the face. Raven groaned and collapsed in an unconscious heap as the rain pounded down upon her, blood oozed from the wound on her head. She awoke sometime later with a throbbing headache and the occasional sting of falling hail.
Raven struggled to her feet, swaying in both dizziness and with the wind buffeting at her soaked form. She brought her arm up to shield her face and continued moving, grasping onto anything that could help balance her, the water in the streets was up past her ankles, and she realized that had she been unconscious for very much longer she could very well have drowned in the streets.
Ahead of her there were screams, and she had only time enough to look about before she was swept up in a powerful wave of water. She released a piercing scream as she was dragged beneath its surface for a moment before she clawed her way back up, sucking in several deep breaths as she searched for something to grab a hold of.
There were several floating chunks of wood, and she pushed her body to grab at one, which she then proceeded to hold onto for dear life. Her heart hammered painfully in her chest as she was swept away from the city and the ocean came into view, “No… no, no, no…” She muttered repetitively, “This can not be happening… I’m on vacation… you can’t die on vacation!”
She heard a distant rumble, and despite telling herself not to look back- she did. Her hold on the wood beneath her faltered and she gasped in a shallow breath at what she saw. Behind her, sweeping through the city and tearing at the buildings and whatever else could be ripped up, was an enormous wave, and it was headed straight for her. The last thing she knew before darkness claimed her was the enormous pressure of the water falling upon her unprotected form.
Kindra and Drake
“Finally!” Kindra muttered, stretching tiredly as she exited the airplane after many hours of continuous flight- most of which she had spent in deep slumber, “it’s good to be in good ol’ sunny California.”
She received several strange looks for her comment as the other passengers flooded about her in search of luggage and loved ones. She shrugged off the strange looks and tucked a tress of her honey-colored hair behind her ear. She had no doubts that it was slightly mussed- she’d boarded the plane in a rush and nearly lost her ticket in the process. She was lucky to have even boarded at all- her ticket had gotten lost in the mass of others carried by the woman standing near the gate. It was a good thing that she had seen Kindra’s ticket raised in her mad dash not to miss her flight.
“Now to find Uncle Danny… he should be waiting for me nearby. He promised that he’d be here by 11 and it’s…” She looked down at her wristwatch, “12:30!?” She gasped frantically, pushing her way through the crowd, “Excuse me, pardon me!” She called as she forced her way through them and to the luggage belt.
Her eyes roved over the belt for nearly twenty minutes, and still her things did not appear, “Are you kidding me!” She growled, slamming her fist on the belt, “How can they have lost my luggage, I know for a fact that I checked it in- I watched them taking everything over to the plane even!” She shifted the strap of her carryon bag that was biting into her shoulder, “Guess I’ll have to call home and have dad send me some things… Too bad… Ah, I don’t have time for this! Uncle Danny, Uncle Danny!” She called, heading off into the crowd of people once more.
She finally sat down, out of breath, sometime later. “Shoot, where is he? I know the plane must’ve arrived late, but seriously- would he just leave me here?” She wondered aloud to herself.
“Scuse me, missy.” A man approached her, “But I couldn’t help noticing that you were callin’ for someone?”
“Yeah, my Uncle Danny.” Kindra said, looking up, pondering his strangely alluring accent, “I can’t find him though.
“I’m sure the blokes over at the information counter, or even the security guards could help you out.” He said, pointing.
Kindra followed his hand and gazed at the information booth, almost immediately leaping to her feet, “Sir… please tell me that that sign [i]doesn’t[/i] say London.” She said.
“Oh, but it does.” He replied, looking at her questioningly.
“As in the London England London?” She gulped.
“What other London would there be?” He asked, now thoroughly confused.
“How did this happen!” Kindra moaned, sinking back down to her seat and putting her head in her hands.
“What’s the matter now lass?” He asked, taking the seat beside her.
“I was supposed to have boarded a plane for California- not London. How did this happen?” Her voice was muffled through her hands.
“I’m not sure, but I think you should definitely go talk to somebody now.” The man said, “My name’s Drake by the way, and yours might be-?”
“Oh, I’m Kindra,” She replied with a gracious bow.
“Lovely name.” Drake said, glancing out the window, “What the bloody devil is that?!” He exclaimed.
“What?” Kindra asked, looking up in time to see fire streaking across the sky. “Oh my…” She said softly, unable to tear her eyes away from the scene as the ground beneath her feet began to quake with the landing of each blazing meteor, “This is bad.” She said softly, “Very bad!”
Several windows distantly in the airport shattered and the scent of burning flesh and other paraphernalia hovered heavily upon the air. Kindra began to shake violently, “We’ve got to get away from the windows!” She had to shout to be heard above the screams that now radiated off of the very walls.
Kindra leapt out of her chair and began to run as fast as she could, Drake on her heels as she sought some safe haven, “Where does one go to avoid being burned to death by meteors?” She thought aloud.
“Get down!” Drake tackled her and they lay there in a panting heap as flames licked the air just above their heads, the roof of the airport cracked, and it collapsed upon them all.
Kindra was bathed in darkness, she could hear the screams of those about her and moans coming from Drake, who lay beside her. She felt oddly numb as she struggled to push the debris off of herself. Once she’d managed to stand, she gaped at the devastating scene all around her. That was when the rain began to fall, quenching the flames that had utterly destroyed the beautiful city of London.
Dimitri
The snow had only been falling for about ten minutes, but already it reached to Dimitri’s knees. He was cold, and only a few blocks from home, but it seemed a hopeless task to keep moving. Nearby he could hear children crying for their parents, the temperature had gone down so much that the beautiful snow was fast becoming deadly to any who traversed it.
He pulled the collar of his sweatshirt up, trying to shield himself from the buffeting wind and snow. “Damn but its cold…” He said to himself, “Taian has never been this cold… even during the winter months- where’d this storm even come from?”
“Dimitri!” An elderly man called, “How are you holding up out here?” He waved from his porch, a faded shawl draped over his bony shoulders.
“I’m doing fine Shen, and yourself?” He asked, stopping to speak with the man.
“Oh, this weather’s hard on an old man’s bones.” He replied, coughing into his hands, “But I’ll pull through. The wife and children are all in bed with some sort of flu….”
“I’ll have mom whip up some good soup for everyone.” Dimitri replied, “I’ll bring some over tonight, okay?”
“Bless you son. Caring for an old family like mine.” Shen said, smiling lightly at him, “Its boys like you that give an old man like me hope for the future.”
“It’s no problem.” Dimitri smiled back at him before starting off again with a wave.
“Stay well!” Shen called after him, reentering his house after Dimitri’s form had been shielded by the blinding snow, he coughed again, red staining his gloved fingers this time as he closed the door behind him.
“Mom, I’m home!” He called, kicking the snow from his shoes outside before entering and removing them, rolling up his pant legs so that the floor wouldn’t get wet.
“Oh! I was getting so worried…” His mother exclaimed, catching sight of him, “Get those pants off and go warm up by the fire before you catch your death!”
“Alright, alright already!” Dimitri laughed, “Give me a moment; I was trying not to ruin your floors you know. By the way- the Tans are ill, the whole family. I told Shen that I would see about bringing over some soup later…”
“I’ve got some on in the kitchen now; I’m waiting for your father and Toiji to get back before we can eat. I’ll put some aside for them and you can take it over after you’ve warmed yourself up.” His mother said, handing him a pair of sweatpants, “Put these on dear.”
“Thanks mom, you’re the best.” Dimitri said, giving her a light kiss on the cheek before passing her and slipping into the bathroom.
He quickly slipped out of his soaked pants and set them in the hamper before settling to massaging his numb, aching legs to get the blood flowing properly again. After he’d thawed them out he quickly slipped into the new pants and left the bathroom, moving to the living room where a nice fire crackled in the fireplace.
For nearly an hour he sat there before the front door opened once more and his father and younger brother entered, Toiji resting on his father’s back. “I tell you, that snow’s getting deeper and deeper and it’s still coming down…” He muttered, “I had to carry Toiji the rest of the way home because it was up past his chest! I’ve never seen a storm like this. A lot of people are getting sick- probably because they’re not used to this weather… The emergency room was packed.”
“Welcome home dear.” Dimitri’s mother met him in the hall and gave both he and Toiji clean outfits, “Go get changed and warmed up, I’ll bring dinner into the living room tonight.”
Later, the four of them sat before the fire, devouring their meals hungrily. Finally Dimitri stood, “I should get that soup over to the Tans, mom.” He said, moving back to the entryway and slipping on his shoes as his mother brought him the pot with a lid secured tightly over it.
“Be careful dear, and don’t leave the Tans’ too quickly, thaw out there alright?” His mother fretted over his jacket as she spoke to him.
“I will mom, don’t worry.” Dimitri said, giving her a worried look as she released a pained cough, “Get some rest, you’re getting sick.”
“I’m fine.” She said, brushing it off.
“No you’re not.” Dimitri said firmly, “You need to rest now, understand?”
“Oh, talk about being a mother.” She chuckled, mussing his hair, “I’ll get some rest, I promise. Now off with you before this storm gets any worse.”
“Alright, alright already.” Dimitri laughed, opening the door and slipping out into the freezing cold air.
He shivered, glad that the pot was still warm, and made his way through the waist deep snow carefully until he managed to get up onto the Tans’ porch, “Shen, Shen!” He knocked on the front door and received no answer, “Maybe he’s in the back room and can’t hear me…” Dimitri thought aloud, twisting the knob and slipping into the entryway, “Shen?!”
His voice echoed eerily and he shivered, the house was oddly cold and lifeless. “Shen?” He was getting worried now as he took off his shoes and stepped onto the cold platform of the living room floor, “Shen, where are you?”
He entered the first door he came across, the room of Shen’s youngest daughter. She lay in the bed, tucked tightly within her comforter and unmoving. There was no light in the room, just the dim light of the living room that filtered in, “Soo…” He said, moving closer to her.
His foot slipped out from under him on something wet and the pot went flying, spilling its hot contents all over the floor and himself. Dimitri yelped in both pain and surprise as he leapt to his feet. His hands were soaked in whatever tripped him, and when he looked down he saw something dark covering them, “W-what is this?” He stuttered, sniffing at his hands, “Blood- why is there blood?”
He took several shaky steps forward, “Soo?” He said softly, catching sight of a dark form laying beside the child’s bed.
Dimitri quickly ran forward, “Shen?!” He gasped, noting that the man held a small pistol loosely, and that the blood seemed to originate from his body.
He turned the man over and felt his stomach heave at the sight of the man, blood seeping down the front of his face from a wound in his forehead. Dimitri turned away and wretched, adding his own bile to the bloody contents of the floor. He stood shakily and touched Soo’s face, the girl was cold, her eyes open and glassy in death.
Dimitri released a sob and backed out of the room as quickly as he could, unable to erase the image of death from his eyes. His legs shook, threatening to give out beneath him as he made his way to the rooms of the other children, finding the results the same- all were dead and bleeding from the mouth. He entered, lastly, Shen’s room, and found his wife tangled in the sheets, halfway off the bed. Blood oozed across the wooden flooring towards the door.
Again Dimitri’s stomach gave a painful lurch, and this time when he knelt to vomit all he could do was heave dryly. She had been shot, probably by Shen, “What happened…” He said slowly, wiping at his mouth and smearing blood across his chin.
She released a gurgling gasp, spilling more blood onto the floor, as well as a strange, unidentifiable matter. Dimitri slumped to the floor against the wall opposite of her, watching as she gasped out her last few breaths, spilling more blood upon the floor. His breaths came in painful gasps. “Why…” He moaned, watching as her breaths stopped, and her eyes which had focused on him grew dim, “Why did this happen?”
Dimitri finally managed to drag himself to his feet several odd hours later. The blood had dried and when he moved it stretched his skin awkwardly. Slowly he left the room, making his way to the front door and out into the snow. Ironically enough, the snow had stopped falling, and he trudged through his half filled path until he made his way up to the front door, stepping inside without bothering to remove his shoes or the snow from them.
“Oh Dimitri!” His mother called as she heard him enter, “We were beginning to worry-” She gasped when she saw him, “W-what happened?” Dimitri didn’t answer, he simply stood there, staring at her with hollow eyes, “Dimitri- why are you covered in blood!?”
“I… th-the Tans…” Dimitri finally managed hoarsely as his father ran into the entryway at the frantic sound of his wife’s voice, “They’re dead. Mom they’re dead!”
“Calm down son.” His father said soothingly, making his way over to him and helping Dimitri to remove his outer clothing garments and shoes as the boy stood, frozen in shock, “Chi, run the bathwater for him.” He said, turning to gaze at his wife.
“O-of course!” She said, racing into the bathroom and turning the water on.
Dimitri slipped into the water a few minutes later, unconsciously scrubbing at the dried blood that covered his body, ignoring the sting as the feeling returned to his legs, hands, and face. “Why is this happening?” He said aloud, gazing dully at the ceiling, “I considered them all as family… Why are they dead?”
Sometime later he climbed out of the water, pulling the drain and watching as the pink stained liquid filtered down into the drain. He quickly dressed and headed for his room. Dimitri crawled beneath his covers and slipped into a world of nightmares.
Alright, down to being a judge... *clears throat* Raven's part was very nicely done but I felt that it moved a bit to fast and that the dialog where she was talking to herself felt pushed. Something more realistic would be for her to panic or be horrible sarcastic. Other than that the part was very well done.
Kindra and Drake's part was perfect, the only thing I would ask is for a little more detail about Drake, we have nothing really to go on for looks.
Finally, Dimitri. First off, that is my favorite boy's name, secondly, he seems like the sweetest boy in the world. His character was nicely rounded, we've received a range of emotions from him and they all helped build him.
Last comment: I believe developing a character's appearance is as much a factor as a character's actions and thought processes. All you need is like what you did with Kindra and her blond hair.