[Keisari]: 36.URGENT NEWS FLASH!

URGENT NEWS FLASH!

"A Scottish girl has been found dead in her home, trying to inject high doses of a caffeinated substance into her veins. Our on the spot reporter is there to bring us more news. Mac, what else can you tell us about this event?"
"Thank you Archie. Well it turns out it was not an illegal substance but tea. Police are now pushing for this substance to be banned from being issued to addicts and idiots. Oh… it appears that we now have a live interview, with Police Chief Constable Duncan McSunken. Constable McSunken, what can you tell us about this baffling situation?
"Well, we have recently arrested a girl just south of the borders in connection with the strange death. It's believed that the two girls were seeking out to deal in their surrounding areas. We do not know the true extent of their intentions, but we do know that it involves the usage of large quantities of tea."
“This other girl, will she be charged with possession? What can you tell us about her situation?”
"Well, since tea is in fact not an illegal substance at this moment in time – we are working hard to change the laws against this, and hoping to move it up into a Class A* category…”
“Class A*! But surely… no category has ever been used before. Are we to be worried about all our years of drinking tea?”
“Major research is being looked into the processes of tea and the effects that it can have on the brain. We are shocked and surprised that such a category has been brought into place, but under the circumstances, we see no other choice. The girl that we have arrested is to have no charges can be brought against her yet, as we are unable to charge her under the new Drugs and Legislation Act of Class A* banned substances. But police believe that she may be connected with a large shipment of Assam tea that went missing last month. As soon as she is in a fit state to be questioned, the police will reveal more information about the situation"
“Until she is in a fit state?”
“Yes, it appears that she too was in the process of injecting high doses of the substance into herself. We believe that we caught her just in time to stop another tragedy happening. At this moment in time we are holding her in a specially designed police cell, that will stop her from harming herself or others in her elated state.”
"Were both girls connected with any other illegal substances?"
"We believe not... but the Scottish girl, who has been dubbed as "The Bunny" by the officers who found her - due to the strange fact that she was wearing bunny ears. And the girl arrested, dubbed "The Mad Hatter" – due to the fact that she was dressed up in smart Victorian clothes and holding an imaginary tea party, or “The Mad Pirate” when she is hijacking tea trucks - apparently have some sort of psychotic fixation with the substance for a very long time now, according to worried friends and family. As soon as The Hatter has been through rehab then we shall hopefully know more.”
“Thank you very much Constable McSunken. Over to you Archie.”

"Thank you Mac. Well there you go - shocking news people, if any part of this report has shocked and disturbed you, then please, don’t hesitate to call the number on screen now.
Now, we hav- I can now tell you, that we have incoming news… it has just been announced that what was believe to be their base, in the middle of the border nomads land, police have discovered a shack in the middle of nowhere painted purple with "The Mad Hatters Inn" on the sign. The give away being the giant truck parked behind it with the Assam logo on it. How anybody failed to notice this in the first place is beyond anyone, an investigation into how hard the police were looking is now in process, the basic summary from their commander in chief is that they had to be ‘blind fucking morons to miss that!’
More on this story later… Now over to Sheena and that marvellous mini skirt for the weather.”

~ Created by [Keisari] and [Delladreing].
~ Edited by [Keisari]