[Anninja]: 428.Stuff.A Letter Never To Be Sent

Why?
I remember you saying that leaving me would be the worst thing you could ever do- we were standing by the stairs in the school we both hated, telling each other how much love means to us. You had no one else, I had no one else, there was only the world and Us... I knew- if one of us left, the other would die, but somehow deep inside a voice told me- you haven't been broken yet, my dear, he will leave you. I didn't believe, there was truly no reason, why.
I knew that darkness would come, I hoped you will bring light and love to me while I was there, but you didn't. You cast darkness upon yourself instead, because no one let you come with me. You asked for light from me, when I had not. Why did you have to do that? Why?
Just half a year ago there was a hint of light- I took it, and took all the light left in my heart, and gave it to you. You smiled and we had our two weeks of happiness- they took all I had got, but were worth it. It was winter, Christmas, we were like family, in spite of snow, sun was shining brightly in my heart. But, when darkness descended, you became its creature once more. Why?
I was such a dumbass- I gave you every hint of light that appeared in my heart, I pulled it out of myself, having no respect for myself whatsoever. I wanted you to become a creature of light instead of darkness, I gave you more and more, I wanted to give you my life. But you were a vampire feeding on light. Why didn't I see that?
Then you changed. I came back to you once more, and you had light in your eyes. Something- was it me or your father, as you thought,- had done it, darkness was gone and you were sparkling with life. But I had given much, though you didn't know it and would never admit I did something to change you. I broke and slept in my heart, now I came to you for light, you had so much in you that it wouldn't hurt. I needed just a sound sleep after all I had gone through. If you had let me, we could live on in happiness once I woke up. Why couldn't it stay so?
You started asking me to make light myself again, but it wasn't time yet. I slept and it made you angry. You had been angry at me alot before, because the light I gave you was never enough, but this time it happened- the person, who had loved me so much, died. Now there is just you and what you want. You didn't want to support me, you said I wasn't worthy of you- I wasn't awake yet and couldn't tell you what I did for you and why I slept- I didn't know, I didn't remember. You said- I've been there before, trust me, you need to wake up! I know- you were asleep the whole year, while I took care of you, of course you've been there! But you have never given up everything for a beloved person just to hear- you did nothing the whole year! You didn't say thanks, because you didn't see what I had done. Instead of thanks, I heard from you that I'm hopeless, I'll never wake up, never be worthy of you, never be happy and never be alive. Once again, you wanted me to crawl on my knees and do all what you say, just to stay together with you. But I couldn't wake up all of a sudden, and you also are no more the person I loved, for you are not capable of love anymore, all that is left in your world, is you. You want never to let another person so deep in your heart, and are happy with it, you are happy to be alone. I can't follow you there, you shut your door right in front of me. You left.
Every night the ghost of my lover comes and we are together for one whole dream. But I wake up and have to face the reality- he's dead. And I cry every moment when nobody's around, and ask the life- Why did he die? Why does every heart need to be broken? Why didn't life reward all my efforts to make him a better person? Is it all lost, dead?
Oh, my love, are you in there? Maybe you are just asleep?
What would happen if I sent this letter? Maybe I can wake you?
But my heart knows it's over. All that's left are memories. And tears.
Why?