[Sabrina Catherine]: 479.Mama Madness

  "I just can't take it anymore!" She silently screamed as her husband snored in the bed beside her. He four month daughter was having an off day, while Mama was losing her nerve.
  Mama wanted to breast feed, but just 24 hours after the birth of her baby girl, the fight was on. She refused to latch on to the nipple, and so Mama was forced to use a shield.
  The next challenge would arise when Mama kept losing her shield and had to buy replacements. One problem was the unemployment of both her self and her husband. The other was that the shield would be lost at the most inopportune times and she had to fight to feed her babe.
  At that time Mama and Daddy had to race to the ER for various reasons (Daddy and Mamaw had a heart attack, Baby got sick...). Mama had to make a tough decision, wait til they went home to feed her darling little angel? Or feed her formula that the hospital staff offered.
  Unfortunately, as much as it broke her heart she had to feed her formula. And due too few feedings, Mama's production nearly halted.
  The months that followed were tough. Mama would get three hours of sleep at most while her husband got 10. Both were still unemployed, and his extra sleep got to her. He'd be asleep and snoring long before she'd be in bed; and long after she was forced out early by the cries of a hungry child.
  The mother was slowly losing it. Her house was a disaster, laundry piled high, she barely got her calories and never got enough water, the scale kept climbing; it was more than this woman could bare. She knew she was suffering from post pardum, and the reality of it only made life harder for her.
  She hated herself more and more with each passing day, and resented her husband for all he put her through. She had never felt so alone in her life and was drowning in misery.
  Her family lived too far away and most had abandoned her, while his family mentally abused her and at times so did her husband. Worst of all, she was physically and mentally abusing herself.
  She often contemplated suicide, running away; sadly, when she was really pushed by her infants screams, she had thoughts of harming her child. Those thoughts made her spiral even further out of control.
  Her body hurt, her mind hurt, and worst of all, her heart hurt. She loved her daughter more than anything, but without the love and support she needed, she was going to fall apart. It was only a matter of time before she did.
  Today was an awful day. The baby woke up at five in the morning and refused to nurse. Mama, being exhausted had a meltdown and her husband fed the child formula downstairs, while the woman went back to sleep. Later the baby woke her with cries for food, yet still refused to nurse. After repeated futile attempts (and several bites), the young mother made her child a bottle and fed her til she slept.
  Ten minutes later, the little girl woke up, just as her daddy walked in to get ready to leave. They dressed the child and drove to a friend's. While there the girl refused to nurse and sleep but kept pretty well entertained for the most part with some tummy time.
  Daddy went to take care of something and took Mama's car. Shortly after Mama realized the baby's formula was still in the car, and said baby was crying for food. The friend went to get Daddy, and Mama struggled with the irate babe.
  Both men returned 15 minutes later (which felt like an eternity to the mother), and Daddy fixed the bottle then passed it non-chalantly to his wife, then walked into the other room to smoke and hang with his friend.
  Mama fought with Baby the rest of the night while the father had fun with his friend, and the child took no nap. The woman worried about her baby, and wondered why she refused to sleep.
  On the way home they swung through a McDonald's drive through to get Mama some food. She reached for the bag and saw the cute black man hanging out the window with her food. She never kept secrets from her husband, but if he ever learned of her crush he'd wig out, despite the fact that his wife has been nothing but faithful, even through his past indiscretions.
  They arrive home and mama is forced to pump because her child refuses to nurse once more. After that was fed to the baby, she laid her down in her bed and waited for sleep to overcome the babe, to no avail. She made some formula and tried to offer that, but the child refused to eat and sleep. Her husband had long since began snoring, and it sawed her nerves.
  Finally she gave up and let the child fuss in bed, and eventually she fell sleep. The mother on the otherhand decided she needed to vent and began to write a story on her Blackberry. Now she can only pray things will improve before she loses her last ounce of sanity.