[Sabrina Catherine]: 479.One-One Thousandth

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2011-08-05 23:32:32
One thousand emotions blackened
One thousand tears shed
One thousand laughs imagined
One thousand screams witheld
One thousand thoughts darkened
One thousand dreams murdered
One thousand dismays invoked
One thousand hopes dashed
One thousand beliefs denied
One thousand memories erased
One thousand discussions soured
One thousand failures relived
One thousand screams withheld
One thousand laughs imagined
One thousand tears shed
One thousand emotions blackened
One thousand selves imprisoned
One mind, permanently tormented

2010-12-05 Annie: I like the form you chose for this poem, it reminds me a bit of a villanelle or Hebrew poetic form, what with the slight mirroring around the center few lines. The form adds deeper meaning to words that are already full of emotion. I also love the title!
I almost think the repetition of "one thousand" gets to be a little too much by the time the poem is over and takes away from the impact of the final "One mind." You might consider repeating the "One thousand" just every few lines and indenting the other lines, or making the very first line "One thousand" and all the following lines just the words after that. Just some thoughts... :) Just a side note.."permanentally" = permanently
Great work! Wonderful form and sad message.

2011-08-05 Eleanor: Very evocative. I'm sure we can all relate to the situations you have listed here. Since we're on the topic of typos, it's withheld, not "witheld". Your spell checker should have caught that one, even though I don't trust spell checkers. I agree with Annie that you need to repeat "one thousand" less. It loses impact when overused. But I do like it.

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