[Kay]: 505.A Suicide Note

Disclaimer: I am not a suicidal person... I just wanted to write a suicide letter that was sort of like a break-up letter with life, trying to save life's feelings. I'll rewrite it later... I wrote this near midnight and I was tired. Apology accepted?


Dear…

I cannot think of who to address this to. A suicide note is really a formality, so the people who discover my body will know that it wasn’t a homicide. I don’t really know who that person will be, or who will actually read this. How am I to say ‘dear world’ if the world is not my audience? If anything, this will be read by the police and family. But who am I to address that group as? ‘Dear people?’ That looks a bit rude. Maybe I should simply start with ‘hello.’ I should have started with Hello, and I would have skipped an entire paragraph… But I’ll keep it realistic. You can’t exactly go back in time and rewrite what you’ve already done, correct?

I do not think I am unloved. I also don’t think my life is a dark abyss… Or anything like that. Currently, I’m looking out the window and I see a nearby flower garden… The neighbor’s flower garden, and it has a few sunflowers. I see the sunflowers and I’m reminded of life, and my family, how it faces towards the brightest light at all times, even if you cannot see it, and how my family helps me to stand up straight, and strong. I’m just sorry that my family cannot share with me my revelation, or say it is stupid, or that I was misinformed. I’ve found something else to do and would now like to part with life as peacefully as possible, without bitterness on life’s part.

I don’t view myself as religious, and I don’t particularly believe in the afterlife. However, I’ve lived life, and whatever death is… An afterlife, floating in nothingness, or merely an End… It will be infinitely more interesting than what I’ve already done.

I view life as a swimming pool… You swim in the swimming pool, then get out. There are great pool days, and sometimes you have so much fun you can hardly stand it… and sometimes you get burned. Some sunburns are worse than others, but you always end up darker afterwards. Sometimes there are other people in the pool, and in other cases, you’re all alone. You can still have fun in the pool by yourself, but still. And yes, you’re not swimming all the time… Sometimes you are not living life, you’re taking a break from swimming, and that’s alright. But that’s how I see it. You’re either swimming in the pool, or you are not. And the time when you are not swimming in the pool is merely time between pool play. It’s difficult to see this. A lot of people live their entire lives swimming in the pool and not caring, or not seeing themselves swimming. But I see it, and I find it boring… for there is only so much you can do in a pool.

If I die, it would be something new.

Lord Death called me up just now. I heard his cackling voice over the phone as he laughed and said he’d meet me in Hell. He can get like that sometimes. I laughed back and told him I was going to get out of the pool.

Sincerely… Or, as sincerely as possible.