[Eidlevice]: 521.The Young Hero

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2006-06-10 01:34:53
 
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This is a story that I will eventually be continuing of a young man, about eighteen or seventeen who is put in charge of a small platoon after his actual platoon leader dies. He carries a dying man on his back as they become lost in the forest trying to get back to base to help the dying man. It is only one page but will become bigger as I submit more of the story. so sit back, relax and let me take you into the life of Rayne (pronounced rain) Kree.

Explosions rattled my teeth as I again ducked behind the sandbag bunker. Dirt flew through the air and rolled down my neck. One of the men in the platoon I was in charge of, groaned at my feet.
“Am I gonna die, sir,” he asked through obvious pain. I stared down at him. I wasn’t going to tell him that he was loosing too much blood.
I only shook my head and tossed another grenade. My two gunners were firing with amazing courage.
I caught a slight glimpse of many more Japanese troops fall, their bodies broken, before I was back behind the bunker again
What had I gotten myself into? I was young, too young to be fighting battles like this. Yet, here I was, behind a bunker that could be bombed any second with a man bleeding and dying at my feet and two more men that I could loose at any time. I have no idea what I’m doing.
“I should be home with my wife taking care of the baby,” I told myself below the cries of the dying and blasts of the guns. “But I had to be brave and join the army. My mom had been so mad when I signed up. I assured her that I would be fine but now…now I’m not so sure what I’m doing.”
We had to get out of the bunker, all of us. It wasn’t safe no more. The enemy Japanese had seen us and probably sent troops to assassinate us. If that happened…
The artillery shells of the gun brought me back. I turned to Logan Groves, my private. He held the shells for the lieutenant who was too busy firing to notice.
Logan looked at me in question. I wasn’t fighting any more and if that happened, everyone knew something was wrong. I crawled over to my lieutenant, gun in hand and yelled over the noise.
“We can’t stay here. The Japanese have seen us and if we don’t move, we’ll be assassinated. I need to take Blake to the medical barracks. He’s dying.”
Logan glanced over at Blake and turned back to me. “Give up, Sarge,” Logan assured me. “He’s past help.”
I shook my head in stubbornness. “I still need to try.”
Logan stared into my dark eyes and sighed. “If you die with that man’s blood on your hands, don’t come cryin’ ta me.”
I smiled as we evacuated, escaping into the brush. I slipped down the hill, dirt building up at my feet. In the dark of the night, we ran from the war zone. The Japs were advancing as our troops fell in great numbers. We soon were lost from the sight and traveling in the snow filled woods.

To be continued...

2006-06-07 Stefano: I like this - it's a good start, though personally I think I would change "Japs" to "Japanese" - the other sounds too derogator, but that's my opinion. This is a good start.

2006-06-12 RiddleRose: yes, i like it too. i agree with [Stefano] though...

2006-06-13 Athilea: It is a good start, with a few grammatical errors that will be easy to catch. I do not happy to agree with the other two though. If it were not in first person I would, because it is derogatory (I think that's the proper spelling). It's in first person though and that is how most Americans thought of them because, to be frank, they were fighting them and being killed by them. I think it's fine as long as you leave it in first person.


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