[pirate witch]: 524.Short Stories.Dear Granddaughter,

Granddaughter,

Stop reading Peter Pan and read Sophoclese. Buy whatever you want. Take this statue of the Virgin Mary, pray with me, practice whatever religion you want. Learn about the goddesses, light a candle for Jesus. Skip school and come to Kenya with me. Take pictures in Greece. Drink more retsina, don't eat the food here. Wake me up when the airplane lands. Stop gunning it when you see a cop car! Use your turn signal, don't drink anymore tonight, let your cousin drive you home. Don't eat the matza until grace is done, leave the door open because it's passover. Be a Pagan if you want, I don't care. Come with me to get your cousin out of jail. Watch the news, don't live in a bubble. Read the newspaper, pick a movie you want to see. Don't get pregnant. Love your boyfriend less than he loves you. Don't join the mob, that's how your first grandfather died. Read more about Africa, less about Ireland. Take that thing off of your neck. Don't show your father that tattoo, read a book before you talk about it, don't go to a Catholic school. Take your hat off in church, kneel to the Virgin Mary. The priests are lying to you, drink the sacred wine. Don't spill on the table cloth; I'll slap you. Come with me to walk the dog, you've been watching TV all day. Call your Papa to take you to the airport, kiss your mother for me, tell my son that he's a bastard. Spend the money as quick as you can, buy books that are worth reading, go to college for whatever you want. Stop stealing my ciggarettes, her'es my lighter. Listen to the words of this song, learn to dance like they do in the desert. Ride a camel only when it's cold so that the fur won't stick to your legs. Tell your friend to shut up, make your sister get a boyfriend, stop resisting romance so goddamn much. Get me my own order of steak terriaki. I expect brownies when you come to visit. Don't watch that crap on television, learn Greek on your own time, don't be afraid of the bugs in Egypt. Leave the cat; it's flea ridden. Eat that with a napkin. 

Keep this statue of the Virgin Mary.