2006-08-31 Shh: Hey! I started reading your story, and I think it's good. I like the words and the imagery! However, I don't much like the way the sentences are structured. They seem too long, or not punctuated enough. It's hard to keep the rythm flowing in the mind without commas, or semi-commas and the like indicating how the sentence should flow, you know? 2006-09-02 viperess1: Thank you very much. I have been working on the typos and trying to work on sentence structure...on[viperess1]: 572.CALABASH
Rating: 0.00
CALABASH
The night was filled with the hum of the creatures scurrying through the forest as they hunt for their prey after awakening from the long days rest. A mummer speeds through the area as first one then another hears the reverberation of wings beating through the blacked sky coming closer towards them .An alarm rises and spreads far and wide as the animals scamper towards their dens, under fallen logs, or into the brush to hide from that which is heading towards them. The sound of paws skimming the forest floor could be heard through the abnormal stillness of the night. A black caldron of clouds begins swirling and spinning eclipsing the moon and stars as the wind begins to rotate sending leaves whirling through the air. The smell of fear fills the area as three wolves each coming from a different direction converges turning, racing side by side as a mist rises up in their wake. The hoot of a lone owl can be heard echoing in the night; its massive wings beating a steady rhythm in the eerie quiet. Glistening colors radiate outward as the owl swoops through the trees in pursuit of the wolves, a golden trail seems to follow in its wake. Slowly as if waking from a trance the animals creep from their hiding places, sniffing the night air, ears twitching as they listen to the retreating sounds before they resume their pursuits which had been interrupted.
The wolves slow as they approach a massive stone gate, their bodies shifting and changing as they drawl near until three men stand gazing up as the owl slowly descends, circling them three times until its massive body starts contorting until his boots silently touchdown before them. Without a word being spoken between them they turn in unison striding through the gate towards the dwelling within. The leader standing almost seven foot in height, broad in shoulders with long flowing blonde hair, seems to glide across the ground, his footsteps falling silently against the ground. The other three, which are only a mere inch or so shorter than but just as broad though the chest and shoulders, with hair as black as the night hanging down past their shoulders follow in his steed. As the gate behind them swings shut tiny threads seem to weave around and through the stones it as safeguards are placed to protect those within. The thumping of paws hitting the ground can be heard as the wolves patrolling the estate come loping towards them looking for a word or touch from those whom they serve. The men turn and lavish attention and praise on the pack that surrounds them, rubbing bellies and scratching heads before sending a message for them to continue their night time duties. Turning they continue down the stoned path leading them near the dwelling. Ornate crested door swings soundlessly open allowing them admittance into an impressive entryway.
Footsteps can be heard off the hallway to the right as an older gentleman dressed in a black form fitted suit comes into view. “I trust your journey was a safe and profitable one sir,” he spoke as he reached for their capes. “Thank you Andres, we found out much this night” replied Canton. Everything here has been quiet I trust?” “Yes sir, no one has been here in your absence.” The men continue forward striding towards the library where they each seated themselves around the sizeable oak table. Tankards of cold ale sat waiting for each of them. A fire sprang to life in the massive fireplace instantly warming the room from the chill permeating the air. Andres followed in their wake, “Might I bring some fodder for you gentlemen sir?” As Canton looked around the table they all nodded, as they knew it would take considerable time to discuss all they had learned this night. “That would be an excellent idea, and also see if you can find Eric, Aston, and Cyrus as they need to be in on this discussion also.” “Very well sir” he replied before turning to leave the room. The men, each in their own thoughts, quietly drink of their ale as they sit back replaying in their minds the happening they have discovered. Rousted from their contemplations
“We have all heard the distant rumblings of strange occurrences happening in the different districts of our land,” he began. “Tonight Barton, Alistair, Caleb, and I went out searching the four corners to see what is amiss. I personally flew over the Isle of the Chosen; there is great unrest and disharmony there. As I approached the isle there was a malevolent feel about the land. The sorcerers I spoke with eluded to dark magic being used but as of yet have not been able to find from which it comes. They are quietly questioning the students at the school, and have also discussed this perplexing situation with the wizards and shaman there. All report the same thing, there is a presence trying to permeate the area and the strongholds there are being attacked. I promised to them our help and alliance in finding and destroying that which seeking to annihilate the harmony there.” Fixing his eyes upon Barton he asks, “What did you discover tonight?”
Taking as deep breath as he looked into the fire gathering his deep thoughts he began, “Tonight I went in search of answers at Ravens Pass. The region surrounding there has been tampered with. A dark ominous haze seems to encircle just outside the boundaries. Vegetation, which is habitually growing, has withered and died, wildlife has moved, and some dead carcasses littered the land outside the safeguards. I spoke with many of the fairies and elves, and all state for now they are allowing none to leave the area as they are missing four of their comrades who have gone searching for clues to what is attempting to converge on them. They spoke of hearing strange ominous chants and of swirling clouds moving outside the area at night. To them I also pledged our help and protection.” He turned his eyes toward Canton who nodded and then turned his eyes upon Caleb, “And you?”
Sighing deeply Caleb looked towards Canton as he began relaying what he had found this night. “As you know, you sent me to Crests Caverns this night. On approach I observed many standing pools of dark putrid water, some which seemed to have substances twirling and moving inside them. There was a very eerie feel to the adjacent areas surrounding the caverns. When I first began to approach I heard much mumbling and ensuing arguments rising up from some of the Orcs. After much questioning I discovered they have lost some of their troop as they have been sent out to hunt, while others come back either empty handed or with puny and diseased prey. The cows have not been able to properly take care of the young as there is very low milk being produced to meet their great need. While there I was able to supply them a few days worth of provisions with the promise of more help forthcoming. I reasoned with them the best I was able with hopes they will settle until we are able to ascertain what is plaguing the area.” Canton looked thoughtful for a moment, “You did well Caleb, I know it can be a trying experience dealing with the Orcs, as they are at times a little slow in their though process.” “That I believe leaves Alistair. What did you discover on your journey?”
Rising to walk along the area in front of the fire Alistair began, “Armesest Forrest was my destination and the things I found truly disturbed me. I spoke with those of the panther clan and also the woodland creatures; thankfully they know that each is an ally and not an enemy of the other. I am afraid if that were not so that there would be much death and fighting happening there. Two of the panthers who have been out patrolling were savagely attacked one of which died do to his injuries and the other is in great need of a shaman which I personally pledged to send to them on the morrow. Furthermore some of the woodland creatures have contracted some unknown disease, which is starting to spread, and they are now being quarantined. They all talk of hearing the sounds of animals screeching and crying out in the outlying areas but when they attempt to find them they nave come up with naught. To them I also pledged our undying help and protection.” Turning he faced Canton, “Sir I know it is going to be a challenge to stretch us in covering all but something must be done to protect and care for all those under our care.”
All eyes turned to Canton waiting upon his take on the situations. Just as he was about to speak the doors were thrown open and Dawson stumbled into the room, falling before them onto the brocade carpet. As they vaulted to their feet he began mumbling incoherently. Canton knelt down beside him leaning down to listening to the words bubbling forth. Rising his head he bellowed for Andres before he noticed him standing there, “Fetch the healer and get help to carry him up to his room as I will not looses a brother this night.” His eyes passed over each man before him, rubbing a hand across his suddenly weary face he shook his head and mentioned the one name all had thought but all had hoped against. “It is the work of The Dark Walliford and his army of the undead; they are responsible for all that has come against our people. Go, summon our brothers as we have much to do to ready ourselves for the coming battle. Each of you knows what this means,” shaking his head sadly he continues, “He swore vengeance against us and our people when we trapped him in the gorge of ice all those years ago. I do not know who or what has released him but for now our main focus shall be to bring to an end his newest reign of terror.” Slowly he arose as Andres and three others approached to carry Dawson from the room to where the healer awaited him.
As the men returned to their seats Alistair was the first to speak, “Who would do something like releasing one such as him? There were many safeguards surrounding his prison of ice, not to mention the sentry’s left to guard him. Whoever did this has to have strong magical powers not to speak of the knowledge to unravel that, which was placed around him. We know he has had years to strengthen and heal from the wounds he sustained in the last battle, but from where did he raise his army and who is really pulling his strings?” Quiet permeated the room as each man sat deep in thought pondering not only his questions but also thinking of what was sure to follow over the coming days.
Canton rose walking over to the fire staring deep into the flickering flames seeing the past atrocities and pestilence caused by The Dark Walliford during his reign of terror. He still carried the scars from the battle that ensued leading to the capture and imprisonment of The Dark Walliford all those many years ago. Turning he looked over his brethren in arms knowing they would give their life for him and those left in their charge. “You all know what we are going to be facing during the coming days. Each of you were there during the past conflict and I am a fear this time shall be even worse than the last. If any of you wishes to say here helping guard our own home I shall understand and it will not be held against you.” Each man in turn shock the heads letting him know they would be out there on the lines right along beside him upholding their oath to protect and serve those who they had been given authority over. “Then my friends as the dawn is quickly approaching let us take our leave, we shall meet as the sun begins to set on tomorrows eve. We shall assemble our brothers and decide who shall go to which sector as we ready ourselves for that which is gathering strength to attack our people. This will be no effortless task but victory shall be ours. I bid each of you good eve until tomorrow.” With a sweep of his hand through the air the fire banked and died before he strode out of the room and down towards his sleeping chambers, the weight of leadership heavy upon his shoulders.
The men watched him as he glided from the room, they each turned to face the other, Alistair closed his eyes for a long moment before speaking what was on each of their minds, “You know each of you that this shall be a long and harsh fight in front of us. Besides guarding and protecting those placed under us we also must maintain the safety of Canton. I think when we split to cover our own regions we need to make sure the triplets follow with him. They are the best of the fighters under us and also do have much knowledge of healing. Does anyone have a problem with this?” He looks at them before continuing, “Than so be it. Let us retire, and may each of you be blessed with a deep healing sleep this day as we shall be pushed harder than we have experienced before. Blessed be to you all.” So saying each man rose and headed to their respected chambers.
The massive house sat under the setting sun, not a sound could be heard as everything was as still as an ancient graveyard. Outside the house birds perched on tree limbs singing of the passing day, as under them the wolves hunted and patrolled around the perimeter of the house. Stopping suddenly they cock their heads to the side listening, it is as if an enormous breath shudders throughout the house as all those within awaken from their rejuvenating slumber. Knowing their job is complete for yet another day the wolves being to frolic around, wrestling, chasing, running and jumping, while others curl up resting their heads atop their massive paws.
Inside the dwelling hearts began to beat, chests rising and falling as first on and then another began to awaken. Each one there reached out beyond themselves searching and feeling to make assured the safeguards that were strategically placed around them held firm as they slept. A sense of well-being surrounded them, no possible breach could be found anywhere nearby.
Slowly chamber doors began to open; the tread of footsteps resounds throughout the halls as each man converges towards the great room. The immense doors stand open, a fire burns in the hearth, and drinks and food sit out awaiting their arrival. First one, and then another enter the room until there are over seventy-five men, all tall and broad of shoulders, with long flowing hair and arresting features. Men that radiate strength and vitality, that as your watch you sense an animalistic aura about them. Conversation breaks out amongst them, each catching up with those who have been off doing the work of their prince, speculating the reason for being summoned back home after years of absence. Each man finds the seat of his choice, before all eyes turn towards Canton, a hush settling across the room.
Taking a drink from his cup before setting it upon the table his eyes travel around the room looking at his brethren, seeing all those whom he had sorely missed over the numerous years they had been out taking care of various endeavors throughout the country. His eyes fell to the seat in which Dawson always occupied; his eyes momentarily glaze over before he shakes his head clearing his thoughts back to the present. Gathering his thoughts he turns addressing those within the room. “My brothers, I am in grave need of the assistance and expertise of each and every one of you here today. Incidences, which have occurred within the regions over the past weeks, are very troubling. Vegetation is withering up dying, water sources becoming putrid, discord among the various races, sickness and even unexplained deaths.”
He pauses, looking around the room, a feeling of calm washing over him as he realizes with the aid of these men they would change things back to, as they should be. “Yesterday, four of us, Barton, Alistair, Caleb, and I, split up going to the four corners of this our region to investigate and gather firsthand knowledge just what is actuality occurring out there. Upon our return we met with Eric, Aston, and Cyrus to discuss our findings. We were interrupted by the arrival of Dawson as he stumbled into the room collapsing upon the floor from being severely wounded. The healers were called in to administer help for his injuries. Before he was carried from the room he whispered into my ear, shedding light upon just who is at the root of the grave incidents reeking havoc upon us. The one responsible is The Dark Walliford and his minions.” He watches the brethren as realization dawns on their faces. Murmurs race through the room as disbelief slowly turns to intense anger.
Holding up his hand for silence, he continues. “It seems some unknown sources conspiring with him enabled his release from the binds which held him captive deep within his icy prison. With him he has an army of the undead who are causing much unrest outside the confines of each of the regions. Our charges are unable to go outside the perimeters to forge and hunt, for as soon as they step past the strongholds they become prey. Some have contracted illnesses, which they in turn carry back to others, some have been seriously injured, some are still unaccounted for, and sadly to say some have even lost their lives. It has fallen to us to protect them over the past centuries, and now we must bound together to seek and destroy the ones responsible for the atrocious acts that have befallen them and to bring peace once more to our lands. It shall take all of us to accomplish this while also keeping a close eye on our holdings here. I need to know if I can count on each and every one of you in this endeavor.” A resounding “Aye” could be heard reverberating off the ceiling and walls in response. Once more he signals for silence. “I know most everyone in this room remembers the last confrontation we had with The Dark Walliford, due to this if anyone wishes to be released to return to the areas you are in charge of watching over I shall understand and it will not be held against you.” Not a sound was heard as he waited to see if anyone so wished to be released.
“So be it. We will recon verge back here in two hours time to break into groups to orient yourselves as to the situation in the region you will be assigned. Barton, Alistair, Caleb, Eric, Aston, and Cyrus, I would appreciate if you six would meet with me in fifteen minutes in the study to discuss our next move. First though I am in need of consulting with the healers as to Dawson’s condition. Gentlemen, until next we meet.” So saying he crossed the room heading out towards the direction of the sleeping chambers.
The men break into small groups talking amongst themselves, remembering all that happened those many years ago when they had captured and imprisoned The Dark Walliford. Recounts of the ensuing battle rang throughout the room, each remembering their own part, but even more remembering the two brothers they lost to the dawn. They could still hear Walliford laughing and taunting them as he was lowered into his icy prison, gleefully telling how he had captured their brothers as they were trying to save what they thought was an injured elfin child, when in fact it was an illusion. How he staked them just before the dawn, leaving them to meet their excruciatingly painful end as the sun rose high into the sky, leaving nothing behind but the ring each of the brethren wears upon his left hand.
Slowly the men begin to depart, going about to take care of other duties, and to prepare to depart on the morrow. Many of the men left the room deep in their own thoughts. Finally all were gone except for Barton, Alistair, Caleb, Eric, Aston, and Cyrus. Alistair turned towards the triplets; “We want the three of you to stay with Canton through the days ahead. We will try to lure Walliford towards us, but in case that does not work, your primary function will be to see to the well being of our prince. You know how he will feel about this, so tread lightly but stick close to him always, as he will be the primary target Now gentlemen, let us adjourn to the study to discuss our strategy for the coming confrontation.
All heads turn as the door leading to the hallway swings open admitting Canton into the room. “My thanks to each of you, for staying behind so we may plan out what shall be happening over the course of the next few days. We need to decide which of the men would be best suited for each region. Not only do we need to consider the terrain but also who would work best with the inhabitance of each sector. We all know it would not be in any ones best interest to send Jonas in to have to work with the Orcs. The last time he was sent there is still talked about today. I think we shall have approximately twenty men stationed in each of the four regions and another twenty left here to guard against a possible invasion. Does each of you agree with that assessment?” Each of the six signaled his affirmation. “Barton, Alistair, Caleb do any of you have a problem with returning to the areas you dealt with when gathering information as you already appreciate what is happening there?” Alistair spoke up for the group. “We concur with that. We discussed this already and decided as we have already established a connection with them yesterday that we would return there again.” “Why does that not surprise me? You three always seem to be two steps ahead of me anymore. Okay I know better than to even think of separating you three, as your powers are much stronger when together. Where shall we put you though? I was thinking of possibly the region working with the fairies. What do you think of that?” Cyrus spoke up “Sir, if possible we would like to go with you, you know we have studied with the sorcerers before and would like to repay some of the kindness shown to us at that time.” Alistair laughs softly, “How did I know that would be your answer? We all know the men we will be going into combat with, and who is best suited for the specific problems each region is facing. When we meet back up with the other men we shall separate them, explaining what we saw and were told by the leaders there. Give each today to ready themselves, as we shall leave on the morrow. I want each of you to meet with me upon rising before we depart from here to our separate corners of the lands. Any questions you may have or ideas as to how we might proceed please come to me. Go now and take some time for yourselves before everyone converges back upon us.”
An eerie stillness settled outside the perimeters of the separate regions, a dense fog rose up from the ground camouflaging the movements of the creatures awaiting to do the bibbing of The Dark Walliford. The smell of death and decay permeated the air, vegetation lay withered and dying, no sound could be heard from the creatures of the forest as they scampered to other parts of the regions. The normal early evening breeze was absent, in its place was an oppressive mugginess that seemed to radiate through the area causing the air to feel heavy and dank. The only visible movement was the swarms of mosquitoes circling the black bubbling rank cesspools of standing water, the very pools that shielded some of the undead within their depths. Tension filled the air as they impatiently waited, for what they were not certain.
Back at the manor signs of life could be heard as footsteps scurried back and forth as Andres and the others prepared for those within the manor to rise from their healing slumber. Andres bustled all around making sure last minute details were taken care of. Fires were laid, weapons readied, and last minutes errands taken care of. As he glanced into the weapons room he contemplated how many more silver stars might be required of the men. “Johnson, how much longer until everything is at the ready?” Looking up from the sword he was finishing up sharpening he looked around to see where he was in the final provisions, “Sir, I have but two swords left to finish sharpening and all will be ready for the men.” “Very good Johnson, you have outdone yourself this day. My thanks and those of your masters are heaped upon you for your excellent workmanship.” Turning Andres quickly made his way to the great room to ascertain all was made ready for the final meeting before the men left to rid them of the menace plaguing them.
All activity ceased but for a moment as they all felt the heart of the manor come to life as first one and then another of the inhabitance awakened from their slumber. Subtle movements could be discerned from down in the depths of the house where the sleeping chambers were found. Doors began opening as the men converged in the hallways heading upstairs to assemble for last minutes particulars of their mission. In the middle of the stairways laughter rang out as the triplets began scuffing with each other over who had the steadiest hand when using the bow. The sound of a throat being cleared stopped the in mid shove as they looked down, there at the bottom of the steps stood Canton, his feet planted apart, his hands resting on his hips. A loud sigh escaped him as he shook his head “Gods preserve me, I see just what I am to be saddled with in the coming days. Not only am I to battle with The Dark Walliford and his minions, but I must also deal with refereeing the three of you.” Laughter shined from his eyes as he started up the stairs. “And boys, when it comes to the bow, you each possess an uncanny ability, but you have yet to rise to the degree of Salem. Keep working and one day maybe you will surpass him. If you live that long.” Laughter followed as he ascended the steps heading towards the front of the manor. Behind him he could hear the triples going back to bickering and teasing again, betting on who would be the first to beat Salem.
Upon entering the meeting, the men spread out breaking into the groups they would be working with. Canton, Barton, Alistair, and Caleb stood in front of the group as they waited for the stragglers to wander in. Once everyone was accounted for Canton began, “Today I am asking each of you to give your all to help serve and protect those who have been placed under our care. I know that I am placing an enormous and dangerous burden upon you, but I know together we can defeat and triumph over The Dark Walliford and his army. After much consideration I have decided that the responsibility of guarding our home and those within is to be given to Oliver during my absence. All those who were chosen to remain here and guard against impending attack shall be answerable to him and him alone. It will be up to him if he deems it necessary to have a second in command. I know you will all give him the same respect you would to me if I was the one staying here. Each of you has one hour to arms yourselves in the manner you think best and converge on the front lawn to depart from our home.”
While the men headed out Oliver made his way to the front of the room. Stopping in front of Canton he held out his hand to him, shaking it with a firm grip. “Sir, thank you for your faith in me. I vow to protect our home and all who reside here. It is a great honor you have bestowed upon me and I shall not let you down.” Canton nodded “I know that you will do an admirable job as you have served me well for many years. It was a hard decision not to take you with me as my second but I know the chances of them attempting to overrun the compound here are very great, and if anyone can stop them I know it will be you.” “I will do my best sir, on my honor no one shall take that which is important to you and our brethren sir.” So saying Oliver turned and joined the men who would be working with him to protect their home.
Barton turned addressing Canton, “You made an admirable choice there when you chose Oliver to stay and lead the men here. His abilities and talents in battle have grown greatly over the years .He will be a fair and worthy leader. Plus he and Andres will have many interesting and heated chess matches while we are gone. I can imagine the stories we shall hear upon our return.” Glancing towards the chess set and back at each other they began to laugh as they remembered the last time the two of them played. The chipped marble corner attested to the fact that the match would be a passionate and volatile one. They continued laughing as they departed from the room each heading off to equip themselves.
The front lawn swarmed with men as they arranged to take off into the night. Canton moved from group to group quietly speaking with each of his men thanking them for the job they were heading off to partake. Returning to his own assembled group he raised his hand commanding everyone’s attention, “ My brethren tonight we embark on a crusade against one of our fiercest of enemies, I am proud of you one and all, and I know together we shall reign in victory. Bless be to each and every one of you.” So saying He raised his arms, lights shimmered around him as he transformed, his body rising upwards into the air, as he shifted into a magnificent giant golden hawk. He shot straight up, a loud cry emerging from him as he turned spiraling downwards, swooping over the heads of his men. One by one each man began moving, their bodies glowing iridescently as each altered, becoming wolves, eagles, panthers, owls, and a few dragons. They began moving over the land and sky following their chosen leaders into the obscurity of the darkened night.
There are also a few typos here and there, and some words missing, but that can easily be remedied. Overall, though, good idea! :D