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2007-01-12 Mister Saint: An evocative opening, for sure, with maybe a hint of 'I've been there' on the author's part mixed in. There's no questioning what's going on, as you've painted the picture of this Kylie in big, bold strokes. And your grammar is good! Most writers at your age, or the ones I read anyway, seem less than capable where grammar is concerned, but you don't seem to have any real pitfalls. ^_^ 2007-01-28 An Elven Song: Thank you so much... I wrote this on "one of those days". I was feeling down, and what better way to deal with pain then creating a fictional character out of it! ^_^ I will put some paragraphs in, I didn't even notice it. I will fix it all and thank you again! [An Elven Song]: 627.Short Stories
Rating: 0.35 Uploaded by: Created: 2007-01-07 17:00:22Previous:Keywords: Kylie
Introduction
She was running from her life. She was running from her problems and her pain and her family and friends. She was afraid. And she felt alone. Nothing phased her, nothing made her happy, nothing impressed her. Nobody could console her from the feelings she faced every moment of her life. And nobody tried. She was angry with her family and friends. Angry for not noticing what she hid. She hid her feelings, her tears, her scars- inside and out. And the only reason she dragged through her miserable life was the fact that nobody would even care if she died, and it would be a waste if she just sent herself to hell. She tried not to exist. And to her family, she smiled. She smiled because she knew how to hide things well enough for nobody else to see. She knew that if she told anybody, they'd say she wanted attention. But they were wrong. She felt guilty because she got almost everything she asked for. Not in a spoiled kind of way, but she knew she was lucky to have friends and family that care, although it never felt like they did. Every day was almost a struggle and she felt so alone. She was so confused because she had it better than so many people and yet she always felt so miserable. When she'd catch herself smiling or laughing, she would automatically scowl or frown or just lose all expression in her face, just staring out to space. Thinking and trying to see why she felt this way. She'd peel through the dark and dying layers of her tortured and emotional mind, wishing only to discover why she felt the way she did. She could get anything she asked for, when the only thing she wanted was the one thing nobody could give her, and something she would never ask for: an escape from herself, the trap she put herself into, the state of mind that devoured her good feelings and replaced them with the depression that consumed her mind. But how could she share this with the people who never noticed? It would be shocking for them, and shameful to her. Her family and friends thought she was happy. For them she put on a happy face and acted as joyous and silly as possible, just to cover up her self hatred and unhealthy thoughts.....
Meet Kylie.
I would like to see some paragraphs separated from this, one or two, just to make things a little easier on the eye. That's a nitpick. As far as the writing itself is concerned, some imagery, analogies - indirect stuff - would go very well here. Some detail to go along with the big, powerful strokes. Anyway, very good work!