[seemoreglass48]: 636.Poetry.Kodak Dawn

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Created:
2007-02-01 23:04:44
 
Keywords:
Kodak Dawn
Style:
poetry
License:
Public Domain
Don't like this one much...aka it needs help.

She awakens, rubbing
sleep out of her eyes.
At the crack of backbone
she stretches to the sky.
The static on silk sheets
brushes her cheek
as she waits for the shock
of cold to bore
under her skin.
She glares into the new day—
a shard of winter light—
as she thinks, “what I see
I could never do.”

2007-02-07 kumquat: I really like this..
May I ask why you don't?

xxloafxx

2007-02-09 seemoreglass48: hmm...well, I guess it doesn't seem to flow right to me. Something about it isn't really coherent, and I feel like something is missing. *shrug* then again I'm always hard on myself, so I'm glad that you like it. =)


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