2007-02-16 Annie: The story sounds very interesting. I can already see where Capoon is coming in I think. ;)[aVorbiss]: 642.Awakening.
Rating: 0.00
To truly enjoy the story, one must have an open-mind to such fantastical things like Elves, magic, Dragons, and other things of the sort! The story mainly revolves around Vampires. Also, to truly understand the story, a bit of background must be provided and it follows soon enough. The setting of the story is on a fictional planet named Guyvari. It can be compared to middle-earth, Dungeons and Dragons' Forgotten Realms, and other type of exotic medieval locations. Since, when I first wrote this under the instruction of Mr. Kelleher in 2002 when I was only 13 years old. He had assigned our English class to write a short story after having read one of Edgar Allen Poe’s short stories (my memory fails me as to which. I think it was “The Cask of Amontillado”). Since, at the time I was reading J.R.R. Tolkein’s “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” (come on, who wasn’t back then?) and had been reading Poe in English as well as White Wolf’s “The Book of Nod” that was a gift from a very good friend, so I was in a dark writing influence of sorts. I wrote Capoon Naïlo’s first, very short, story “The Man in the Tam.” It wasn’t very good, and then again, I wasn’t either. Mr. Kelleher loved the vivid descriptions of several gory events and that’s what started my initial interest in expanding upon it. So, I wrote my first version of the story which lasted for all of about 60 pages over the course of several months and eventually hit writer’s brick-wall, if you will. I printed it, defeated, and showed it to a couple of friends. They all enjoyed it but for some reason I didn’t. To this day, one of my friends has this copy which I have no copies of, and I’m not sure who. I suppose when and if I become famous, it’ll be quite the collector’s item.
I then tried to revamp the story several different times since then, and all have failed miserably. I simply did not like the way I was writing it or presenting it. I then fathomed the amazing idea of maybe writing a shorter story of the background information, and did so. I wrote the majority of the works in a poetic form, with rhymes here and there, inspired by the way The Book of Nod was written. I did a lot of research on the names of all of the {important} characters by looking up meanings and origins in an Etymology guide. It was fun coming up with all the names you’ll someday see, or read about further on. As I grew bored of the poems describing the introduction, I decided that the story itself needed some new ways to start off! So, I wrote some starter Chapter 1’s and chose the best I liked. Eventually, I grew to hate it (funny isn’t it?). Now, this may be another failed attempt, but I’m going to stick with it. Once I finish this I can move on to bigger and better things.
As I was previously mentioning, the story takes place in the world of Guyvari. A world filled with mythical as well as mystical creatures of my own creation or emulation. I hope that there are no Copyright or Trademark laws that I break, and if so, please spare me the lawsuit. Let me know if I’ve infringed any of these types of things (with evidence!) and I will hastily and gladly make changes. I’m a poor 17 year old, just about to go off to college. To put it simply, I don’t like being sued. Well, as I was saying (My name is Yon Yonson...) Guyvari hosts a variety of creatures, and in the beginning of this world, there were the first of many races. This included the first Vampire, who, unlike those he’ll create or be the result of helping create, did not have any weaknesses present day Guyvarian Vampires possess. By these weaknesses I mean, sunlight affliction, silver, and the worst of all: their lust for blood. The first Vampire was all powerful and had the unique trait of immortality. A trait that no other race had (though the Guyvarian Elves indeed lived for many decades more than Humans). In the course of his immortal life, he grew in power and wisdom, but was often alienated as he tried to integrate himself into different societies. Feeling alone, he decided to create his own family to keep him company. The first Vampire then created three “children” by sheer force of will. These three were the first Vampires to display the commonly known weaknesses and had a tenth of the power their father had. He created two sons and a daughter. He kept them hidden from the world until he’d be able to show how much his kin would be able to aid the mortal races. When the three came of age, led by the brainwashing and manipulation of the oldest brother, they grew tired of being kept secret and felt like they were less worthy of their immortal lives. Their father grew more and more ashamed of them (mainly their need for blood) as they grew more and more restless for power, independence, and recognition.
Eventually, their father went into hiding and left his children on their own, in a distant exile. When they learned of this, they grew angry, especially the oldest (who knew that the only way to become more powerful was to feed off of the blood of his own kind, not mortals), they savagely lashed out against the world and they were quickly dubbed “Irune Damnod” or the Damned Trinity by the mortals of Guyvari. As they reigned terror upon the early civilizations of Elves, Mystics, Dwarves, and other mortal races, they rose and unified to from the United Forces of Guyvari (UFG). They quickly assembled a team of warriors expertly trained in the Damned Trinity’s weaknesses and strengths and they trained legions of UFG to combat them. They proved to be more than enough for the Trinity to handle, and they quickly fled the battlefields in haste retreat. Soon enough, through the eldest brother’s meddling, he discovered a way of turning mortals into one of them through a popular method known as the “embrace.” As they rapidly used this to turn mortals into Vampires, they taught them how to use their newly gained abilities and quickly took their new tools into the battlefield, claiming more victims to turn. Suddenly the UFG armies were overwhelmed by the sudden spike in the Vampire population, and were quickly pushed back. On the verge of defeat and utter extinction, the UFG decided to search for the father of the Damned Trinity, noticing him not on the battlefield and finally realizing his good intentions. It did not take them long for he came to them.
He knew that this war was his fault, and he decided to make it up to them. He would secretly aid them for the course of several years by creating ten, much weaker than the trinity, children. They were each taught how to fight and slay their brethren, and when the time came, fought along side the UFG. Now, with Vampires on their side, they quickly turned the tides of battle through tactics and a revitalized morale. After several defeats, the eldest brother realized that if he were to be able to fight back against the “Deciverus” (Vampiric for True Ten, as Irune Damnod means Damned Trinity) he would need to become very powerful very fast. Turning on his brother and sister, he consumed their essence and waged a final attacked against the UFG and the Deciverus. Realizing what he has done, they converged all of their strength on attacking the remaining member of the Damned Trinity as the Deciverus prepared eternal banishment for him. As he was distracted with rampaging through the ranks of the UFG the Deciverus all converged and were able to banish him into eternal imprisonment.
His remaining forces all fled and hid, making up what today’s population of Vampires are (today meaning present day Guyvari). Several hundred years later, Vampires are still in existence and always pose the threat of rising to power as the Damned Trinity did. Realizing this, the Deciverus made a deal with the UFG. They came to the conclusion that the threat of another group like the Damned Trinity or even the surviving member breaking free of banishment always existed and that one day the Deciverus may be called to serve again. They decided to take a female of every mortal race and transfer their essence into them, guaranteeing the availability of their powers, but in a dormant form. The way they did this was recorded and passed on in secret down the ages to ensure that they could be called upon again. The way of awakening their powers were also recorded.
Soon, the Damned Trinity war faded into legend, as did the existence of the Deciverus, the UFG, and the father vampire (only known to mortal races as Curatoz Damnod, “Damned Guardian”). Eventually, Vampires were thought to be a thing of the past but were eventually rediscovered, and have since then been a plague to Guyvari, along with sudden surges of undead and other evil creatures. In a dark time, a scout in King Crestylfan’s army has discovered the body of a man washed up to the shore by the Crestylfan sea-side fortress...
I hope you finish it, if only to put it to rest. I know how it is to have a story you just keep on hacking up and starting over on and never getting past like the third chapter... :/