[elfflower1989]: 706.The Doll

The Doll1

She sat up on the shelf in a room long neglected. A happy child had once lived here but now she was all grown up and living in her own house. Her parents hadn’t had the heart to change this room, and so they’d left it, a frozen piece of time in a home where so much had passed. Nothing much ever changed, dust settled everywhere and was never wiped away, the air remained stale, still, old. Days passed and years went by, but no one ever seemed to notice. The toys and furniture all lay in a pleasant slumber, dreaming of the days when the sunshine had streamed through the window and they had held tea parties and ballet performances with their lively young owner. It seemed that this room was no longer a part of the world, a part of time, and that nothing could touch it.2

Finally, something did happen in the room. The little doll upon the shelf fell forward, and hit the floor with a dull thump. Awakened by this disturbance, she opened her eyes to see that the room she had once loved and considered the world had now become full of dust and darkness. She looked around her and saw that all her old friends were fast asleep, dreaming the pleasant dreams she had once shared. She hadn’t the heart to wake them to this dread reality, and so left them sleeping. Hours went by and the doll sat, slumped on the floor, waiting for something to happen. Of course, nothing did. She had hoped to fall asleep again but finally grew tired of waiting and decided to do something. 3

Looking around she saw that the door had been left partially open. She crept through it and found herself in a long, dimly lit hall. Voices rose and fell from a room at the end, one of them sounded vaguely familiar… The doll crept forward cautiously, peeking into the brightly lit room. Inside were three people, chatting amiably about nothing of much importance. Two were an old couple, faces beaming at the young woman who seemed pleased by their attention. It was the daughter returned for a visit to her parent’s house.4

The doll was delighted to see her old master, her Mother. Sure she looked different, but what did it matter, she would still love her the same, wouldn’t she? She sneaked into the bag lying next to her mother’s side, hoping to surprise her later. She didn’t realize that just as her mother had changed, so had she. Over the course of years she had collected dust and grime, her stitching had unraveled and cotton was spouting out of her in little tufts. Her dress was rumpled and ragged, torn and frayed from all the mice that had chewed on the cotton. Very little of her former beauty remained. In truth she was nothing more than an old, tired, and used doll.5

The voices of the Old Ones and Mother suddenly rose as good byes were said. Then suddenly the bag trembled and shook as it was lifted by Mother and carried out. “Finally, I’m alone with Mother.” The doll thought. “Now we shall both go home together.”6

The doll tried her best to relax and get comfortable in the purse, but there was just too much shaking! It felt to her as though the whole world were collapsing in on her and throwing all it had at her head. She grew dizzy and developed a horrible headache. Soon she was regretting ever leaving that safe and comfortable room. Finally, though, the shaking and quaking stopped and the bag was set down on the firm, blessed, ground. 7

Shaky and still a little bit dazed, the doll crept out. Wow! How the world had changed so. Everything was shiny and clean, so bright and new! The doll almost couldn’t believe how the world had changed, that this was the kind of life her mother was living in. A little thought crept into her head, whispering to her “See? This is the life your mother lives now, she’ll never want you back….” The doll frowned and shook her head; she would not listen to such thoughts! But still, her little cotton heart felt a bit troubled.8

She crawled up the huge, slippery leather couch she had been placed next to and sat at the top, taking in the view from a lightly higher vantage point. She heard footsteps approach and the voice of her mother. She thought “Yes, finally I will be reunited with my mother.” But in the back of her mind that cruel thought still nagged at her brain. She held her breath as her mother appeared; she looked with love upon the adult face of her childhood playmate and parent. She couldn’t help but notice that her mother frowned though as she picked her up, inspecting her closely. Her ears started rushing as no look of recognition sprung up on her mother’s face.9

“Tsk, tsk, what a dirty, ugly little thing this is. I wonder whose is it?” mother exclaimed.10

And with that one remark from her mother, she was crushed. Heartbroken, she did not hear the rest of what was said, but suddenly found herself falling into darkness. Where she landed there was no light, there was no sound, but there was a scent. A horrid, gross, filthy scent. It filled her tiny little nose and seeped into her clothes. It was slimy and disgusting where she was. She realized in shock that she had been tossed, by her mother, into the trash. Desperate for a breath of cleaner air she climbed, scrambled, clawed, her way to the top where with a mighty shove she threw the lid away. 11

She found herself outside, where the night sky shone with a refreshing brilliancy after the darkness of the trashcan. Stars glittered above her and their soft light helped to heal the fresh wounds to her soul. Now that the horror of being trapped in the horrible, stinky, trashcan was over emotions washed over the little doll, and found their way out in tears. Caught up in her hurt she took no notice as she fell to the ground and landed in the wet grass. She lay there, crumpled on the floor as warm tears rolled down her cheeks and mingled with the cold dew on the grass. Quiet sobs shuddered out of her frail little body but not a word was uttered, because as everyone knows, a doll doesn’t have a voice. 12

Crickets sang their sorrowful song; the moon made it’s way across the sky. The stars that once glimmered brightly in the darkness were now fading away. The night was passing, and still the doll did nothing. The night grew more and more chilly, and soon the doll was shivering with horrible cold. The damp state her cotton dress was in only made things worse and provided her with no warmth. Tired and drained from all the tears she had shed, she finally decided to go seek some sort of shelter. During the long time she had spent weeping she had also contemplated her situation, and come up with the following thought. “Maybe my mother treated me so poorly because she had not recognized me. I saw for myself that her eyes did not know me as she gazed upon me after years of being gone. That’s it! Maybe if I could find someway to remind mother of me, she’ll remember and she’ll love me again.” 13

Determined to do just that, she set out across the lawn and trekked her way back to the house she thought her mother lived in. She searched and searched for a way in, traveling all the way around the house, and at last found a small window barely big enough for her to crawl in through. The window was dark and dusty, she could see nothing of what might lie on the other side, but she was determined and so she knew she had to go in. Carefully placing one foot and then another through the window and then stretching herself out so that she was hanging by the fingertips, she managed to get mostly in. But when after she had gone as far as she could go without letting go and still felt her feet hanging in the air, she began to grow afraid. Her heart pounded with fear as her grip began to loosen, her fingers slippery from the dew. She began to think of turning back but an image of her mother and herself, when mother was younger, appeared in her mind and she grew confident. Closing her eyes to brace herself she let go, and fell all the way down with a swift thud to the ground. 14

After a fall that great she checked herself over to see if there was any really serious damage. A few stitches had come loose and some of the fabric she was made of had torn, but other than that she was ok. She got up and dusted herself off, for yes the ground here was very dusty, and then tried to peer through the darkness to see where she was. After a long while of straining her eyes she began to perceive vague shapes in the darkness. In the far back, one of the shapes took the form of a staircase. She realized that she must be in a “basement”, something she had only faintly heard of. Hoping the staircase would lead to where her mother might be, she set up the impressive set of stairs. Climbing one step at a time it wasn’t long before she got exhausted. By the time she reached the top she was incredibly tired and in low spirits. 15

Seeing the door cheered her up, and with a relieved sigh she pushed the door. Nothing happened. She hit the door, pulled at it, did everything she could think of, and still nothing. She looked up and noticed the metal knob and tried to turn it, but it wouldn’t budge. The door was locked. This was more than the doll could take. After all she had been through only to find the door locked and no way to get it open. With the window way too high for her to reach, the little doll would remain trapped in the cold, dark basement.16

The day went by and as the sun blazed outside it shone through the window, giving the doll a better look at her surroundings. There were cobwebs everywhere and dust and grime. All was misery; even the sunlight seemed to shudder as it fell through the window to the basement below. The doll once again fell into tears and throughout the day could do nothing more than weep and tremble. As the evening wore on and the sun changed position the shadows became slanted and grew until they finally covered everything and the doll was once again left in the dark. But unlike last night, it was early in the evening and heat was needed throughout the house. A huge black metal thing that had stood quietly in the corner suddenly roared to life and heat seeped out of it.17

The little doll crept to it, languishing in the nice, toasty, heat that spread outwards and washed over her chilled body. The night wind blew in through the window where she had entered and washed her face with refreshing cleanliness after all the dust she had breathed in the old room where she lay. To her surprise, the wind had a voice and made this offer to her. “Come with me, come with me, and I will blow you into dust and carry you away.”18

But before the little doll could respond, the great furnace behind her crackled “Come with me come with me, I will burn all your pain away”19

And so the little doll had to think about it. Which would she choose? Unspoken, but still present, was a third choice that whispered faintly from her heart. But it came from the parched voice of Hope, and was so quiet that she could not quite hear it. What the voice might have said to her had she been listening was “Stay, stay, maybe someday someone will come, and they will find you, and you might be loved.” But as this voice was not heard she paid it no attention. She thought of how beautiful her life had been in those days of light and joy, when Mother had been a young and loving child who had held her in her arms. She thought sadly of how those days were passed, and how ever since she had awoken from her long slumber all she had encountered was misery and pain. She knew the pain of abandonment, and she knew the hurt of rejection. To be dust and carried by the wind was all very nice but she knew she’d rather be rid of this suffering. And so, making her choice, she turned to the furnace.20

The furnace glared down at her, intimidating, but she did not fear. He offered her all that she was seeking, relief from her misery. And so she ignored the pain and the blistering as she touched the hot metal and climbed in. Once inside, the flames engulfed her, merrily consuming her dry cotton material. Before long she was all turned to ashes and not a single thread remained, and though now she will never be loved, she had found her relief in the scouring heat of death.21

The end. 22