[Eyudo]: 725.Flames in The Full Moon: the entire book.Chapter 5: I'm dead

Two weeks later I was thriving. I had had no more dangerous encounters with wild animals since then, although I would have been ready for it. I still had Midnight, but he had grown a lot in that little bit of time and had a thick, soft, fur coat.
That particular day was very windy and it was a strong wind from the north. I was bored. I couldn’t go out and do much of anything; I kept getting dust in my eyes. So I was just stuck inside all day mainly. I did start worrying about the windows covering. The wind was moving them around a lot and I didn’t know if they were going to stay on right. I was afraid that they would blow away.
Suddenly, a loud boom sounded as the blanket was pushed through and ripped through the nails. It swirled around the room with some leaves and kicked up dust in a mini, harmless, tornado. Then it was violently sucked back out the window like a vacuum.
I ran outside to try to retrieve it and it was almost pitch black. There was just a slight bit of light coming through the open window. I looked around and couldn’t see it at first. Then I saw it. It was on the ground, surrounded by a circle of bright light. I stopped, confused on why this was. I stepped back and just stared again.
I looked up to see if it was coming from the sky. I saw a helicopter hovering up high. It didn’t have a logo on the side for a news channel or something. So I really didn’t know why it was there. It had its searchlight on, so obviously they were looking for something. I stepped back to be hiding behind a tree.
“This is a search and rescue mission. I repeat; this is a search and rescue mission.” A voice said from the speakers in the helicopter. “Amber, can you hear us?” it said in its booming voice. “Are you out there? If you can here us Amber, step into the light, I repeat: come into the search light now.” I hesitated and kept back. “If you can hear us Amber, you are officially declared dead. Repeat, you are declared dead.” it said one last time. Then they hovered a little higher, and then flew forward to leave back to the landing base.
I stood stunned in the dark from the words they said. They still echoed through the forest, and my mind. It was so surprising to me. I had only been gone like two and a half weeks! But apparently I had been gone so long that I was dead to everyone. I was dead.
I didn’t really know what to think about it, my mind was too confuzzled then. Confuzzled means confused and puzzled. I really didn’t know. So I slowly made my way back inside. I didn’t even grab the blanket. That was the main reason I had went out there!
I went straight to bed from there, but the thought of all that wasn’t over still. I left so suddenly that day with no trace of where I had gone. I didn’t even exist anymore. “You are officially declared dead.” Those words just echoed in my mind and couldn’t find a way out.
I couldn’t sleep much; I tossed and turned from sleeping on those words. They were like my own bed of nails. I couldn’t think, my mind was racing, and all I cared about was nothing. It was a very confusing time. They eventually traveled to the back of my mind and settled, but they were still there. Midnight understood though. He slept with me the whole night trying to comfort me some.
I got up the next morning earlier than usual since I couldn’t sleep. I immediately went to take a swim in the same fashion I had when I first came here from my old home. But this time I had all different reasons. This time my thoughts were on the helicopters drivers’ words. They may seem pointless to worry about to you, but this was my real life thing. I felt a slight bit of guilt about how I left. Some of my friends and family must have missed me a lot, and I just up and left. But I knew that most of them would have never understood why I did it.
I swam all day and went in when it was late out. It was about seven twenty and wasn’t dark. I got nothing accomplished. But I didn’t care about that. Why should I have cared? I was dead. I got out and dried off. I got dressed and just sat at the side of the river. It was a very calming place to me. I always remember being in places with lots of trees and woodland creatures around me. I mean we did live in a small town with a lot of woods.
I stood up and walked back to the cabin. I opened the door and slumped inside. I fell to the floor and started to cry and cry and cry. I curled up on the floor like a small fearful child. I reverted to my memories of my child hood to cheer me up some, though it didn’t work.
I had always had a good life, well, up to the age of fourteen. I started having little normal teenage problems. Just like Defiance, lying some, and not listening type of things. I had given all that up just because of the final straw. I had a big problem every once in a while. Those always built me up on anger. I always seemed happy, but I knew deep down that I was just hiding all my emotions and powerful thoughts. And the ritual was the last thing to break my fragile nerves. I think that holding in my feelings was the cause of it all. This was my own fault I was pretty sure. I gave up my home, my friends and family, my entire life.
I lay there and wiped my teary eyes with my shirt. I was so depressed and wasn’t sure what to do. I had no one to turn to and no one could help me at that moment. I was lost to every one from then on as far I could tell it was all gone. I stood up and just collapsed again. I couldn’t even stand up. The thoughts and ideas had weakened me and my knees clacked together and felt like jelly. I couldn’t stand up. I was too upset. I had to just lie there until I could calm down and breathe right.
It was too early for sleep, but too late to do anything else. I figured that when I was able to stand and breathe right, I would just take a walk out at night to clear my mind of all the obstructions. I knew that would help. But for now, I was stranded to the floor by my own memories, hopes, and guilt. They tightly strapped me down and did not let up. I was trapped and strapped down by my own mind.