[Infinity Hypothosis]: 827.Bandi

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2011-10-08 23:06:07

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Bashful Bandi and Beatrice Buttercups

Dear Beatrice Buttercups,

My love, my angeldelight, I see you from afar. You are like the sun. Close up you are as yellow as the twinkly stars in the sky. Your skin is so delicately jaundiced, you drive me wild. You make me want to hang up my scalping knife and end my cannibalistic ways. There is no other banana that I would rather 'eat'. Your smooth skin, I wish to caress. I wish to place you in the most beautiful sundae boat and together we can go sailing towards that infininate sunset. I want to smother you in whipped cream my dear.
I have often dream of you, sliding out of your beautiful yellow skin to expose the pale, soft skin beneath. Your nubile, fruity body, I wish to taste your bananoffe pie.

But wait! How will we make love my darling? Your lack of sexual genetalia is most disturbing.

But no, we shall improvise! To the Grocery section at Sainsburies!

2011-10-08 Infinity Hypothosis: This is slightly rude so for those of you who are easily offended by that kind of humour, just to give you a heads up. Very mild.

So, a little background information on this silly piece of letter-writing. Bandi is a magical fruit, part of the Fruitlings-an alien race of fruit that sneaked out from under the lid of an alien creature's lunchbox, as they visited Earth.

Bandi is a banana, who to say is a little crazy, is an understatement. He formed an insance cult, and he and his fellow followers go on a murderous rampage, waging war on the fruits of supermarkets.

They then move on to actual human's that consume the fruit. In their hypocritical way, they see this as outright murder and can often be heard screaming 'death to the humans'. But the day Bandi's eyes fall upon the lovely Beatrice, also a banana, it was love at first sight, and time for Bandi to mend his ways.