[Applepie]'s blog

1152  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-10-23
Written: (5946 days ago)

A letter to the fallen

It’s raining outside, has everyday since they laid you to rest, am sorry I couldn’t say goodbye in the church, but seeing you lay there would make it too real and I can’t say it not yet. I’m selfish; I don’t want to believe what happened, your family where crying and I couldn’t shed a tear. Through the service was beautiful the speech was brilliant, and your favourite poem was read, they planned everything right. I’m sorry I couldn’t go up and read out the letter you left me; I gave it to your mother, she was glad to receive it. I couldn’t listen to the words, just kept staring at the coffin pretending you weren’t there. Why did you have to leave? To die so soon? Didn’t we mean anything to you? I tired to be strong, not showing what I felt. But now I can’t help but cry, the tears will never stop, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop you, I should have paid more attention, but I can’t hear the unspoken words. I’m sorry. I’m now a shell wishing that time will cast back to that dreadful day, so we could try to change your mind. When I found out the news I fainted, the others in shock. You broke our promise, and I hate you for that, I know you had your reasons that I fail to understand. Your letter sits beside me; I’ve read it so many times I’ve lost count. 3 years today since you’ve gone. At times I think your still here, watching over us, a simple breeze that passes and brushes against my cheek out of nowhere when am upset, makes me feel like your there, that I can just talk out aloud and you’ll hear me. But that’s a dream you’re gone never to return to this place, this time, this world. I’m still angry at you. I can never forgive. I’m not saying goodbye, i don’t want this to be, I want you back alive at home. I want the memories to come to life, the ones we shared the secrets we kept. Now there’s only me. I’m alone. 

889  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-05-22
Written: (6100 days ago)

To every girl who is looking for true love...
-To every girl that is herself no matter what.
-To every girl that dresses cute not skanky.
-To every girl who wants to be called beautiful not hot.
-To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect birthday present for you.
-To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose the whore instead
-To every girl who is nice to everyone no matter who they are.
-To every girl that would die to have a decent boyfriend.
-To every girl that wont settle for the jerk.
-To every girl who would just like once to be treated like a princess.
-To every girl who wont get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a boyfriend.
-To every girl who just wants to hold hands.
-To every girl who kisses him with meaning.
-To every girl who just wishes he cared.
-To every girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.
-To every girl who just wants him to call.
- to every girl who wastes her day waiting by the phone.
-To every girl who just wants to cuddle.
-To every girl who just wants to sleep (no sex) with him.
-To every girl who is scared to put her heart out there again because she has been hurt so many times
-To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.
-To every girl who thought maybe this could be the one.
-To every girl who believes in her dreams.
-To every girl who would do anything so she could achieve them.
-To every girl who laughs at stupid stuff when she actually does think it is funny.
-To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way.









*To every girl who gave her heart only to have it shoved back in her face.








This one is for you.

851  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-05-04
Written: (6118 days ago)

Wake up by coheed and cambria

I'm gonna ride this plane out of your life again
I wish that I could stay, but you argue
More than this I wish, you could've seen my face
In backseats staring out, the window

I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I love you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

I've earned through hope and faith
On the curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever
If morning never comes for either one of us
Then this I pray to you wherever

I'll do anything for you
This story is for you`
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to for you)
I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I loved you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up

827  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-04-24
Written: (6128 days ago)

four little words carved in a rock four little words for-get-me-not

773  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-04-05
Written: (6147 days ago)

This poem was written by a friend of mine and it really touched me about what some people go through.. and i hope when people read this they'll sort of understand as well

anorexia nervosa

Roll up Roll up to see the freak or the show.
Her fraudulent smile and prominent bones,
A walking corpse, without any needs,
Just an apple a day and the air she breathes.
Come one and all to see how smoothly she dyes,
To cover her sickness from unseeing eyes,
The fairy's still dancing within the decay but,
Her body cant take all the constant betrayal.
The glow or the embers, as wind blows to feed,
The flame or temptation that runs through her,
The symtoms or hunger so hard to define,
Because one things for certain, it's all in her mind.
As she hears the voices, so softly at first,
Before screaming so loud, that all her head hurts,
Assured they correct, and never control,
She listens intently and thinks what she's done.
How fat she must look, after all she has ate,
And how good she would feel if she didn't give in,
So she closes the cupboard, along with her mind,
Slumps into her room and closes her eyes,
She pulls up her blanket, and tries to keep warm,
But she wont sleep tonight cause her body is wrong.
She looks in the mirror, and the thing that she sees,
So horribly disgusting & madly obese,
She can feel all the fat, that covers her skin,
She runs to her scales and the room start to spin.
The pattern continues, for months without end,
Before waking to find that shes lost her best friend,
She'd pushed her away, her attitude crashed,
And noone needed the excess stress.
Alone with a hunger, to feed or to fight,
But finds solace elsewhere, in the form of a knife,
The blood and the tears, the pain and release,
The scars that remain beneath the bracelets she keeps.
Soon everyones looking and some even stare,
So she's taken away and placed into care,
The white sterile hallways the beep of machienes,
The liquidized protiens pumped into her viens.
The facts they spun her, through their forked devil's tongue,
How three out of ten, anoretics die young,
But she doesnt believe them, and nor does she care,
How can she, when theres fat everywhere.
And at charge she collapses, and nobody sees,
She country in a world where there are no more dreams,
No longer an alice, no yellow brick road,
Theres a white light, thats mellowness, and theres no coming home.


 

768  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-04-03
Written: (6149 days ago)

Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe,that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked,"Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that Arial">

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!


AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity to brighten the day of those with us the least able, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

717  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-03-16
Written: (6167 days ago)

daddys little girl by nobodys-girl www.allpoetry.com 


how do i write these feelings,
that i don't understand,
listening to his screams,
still wishing to hold his hand.

daddy's little girl,
always wishing she could be,
while he points out all her faults,
and she whispers "i wish i wasn't me".

life ticks past us,
and he causes me more hurt,
those words he screams,
they make me feel like dirt.

daddy's little girl,
always wishing she could be,
while he points out all her faults,
and she whispers "i wish i wasn't me".

dearest father,
what did i do wrong?,
was i so horrible,
that we just couldn't get along?
you'd yell and you'd hurt us,
you'd throw things and scream,
you'd make us all wish,
life was just a bad dream.
i know i wasn't what you wanted,
i wasn't perfect in any way,
i always wanted to die,
i guess today's my day.
so well this is it,
my finial goodbye,
i know you'll be happy,
now that I've decided to die.

daddy's little girl,
always wishing she could be,
while he points out all her faults,
and she whispers "i wish i wasn't me".

665  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-02-27
Written: (6184 days ago)

Love
by Wayfarer on May 16, 2005 

Love wounds and mares any heart
Sometimes it’s just tearing us apart
All the things we said and did
All those little things we once hid
Your heart is really a fragile thing
Just be careful and not too daring

Never let your dreams grow small
Don’t get stuck, waiting for a call
Seize the moment and fight to win
Love shouldn’t ever be considered sin
It’s all up to you, great or sad
I promise it wont be all too bad

Sweet love move in slow
Maybe that you didn’t know
It springs from friendship
Now don’t fret, take my tip
Take it easy and give it time
Don’t worry, that’d be a crime

We sail on a ship made of dreams
Love isn’t always as hard as it seems
So relax a moment and look around
Love’s more grand than it may sound
It might get a hold of you on sight
Hopefully it’ll last longer than one night

You can cross your heart and still be lying
If you do, you are the one that’ll be left crying
So remember; please be true, be right
Never lie, never cheat and avoid to fight
Love each other without doubt or fear
Stay faithful even when the end is near


663  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-02-27
Written: (6184 days ago)

See Who I Am - within temptations

I've been dreaming for so long,
To find a meaning
To understand.
The secret of life,
Why am I here
To try again?

Will I always,
Will you always
See the truth
When it stares you in the face?
Will I ever
Will I never free my self
Breaking these chains?

[Chorus:]
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back, it's my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
Have to live till it's undone.
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back
And then at last
I'll be on my way.

I've been living for so long,
Many seasons have passed me by.
I've seen kingdoms through ages
Rise and fall,
I've seen it all.

I've seen the horror,
I've seen the wonders
Happening just in front of my eyes.
Will I ever
Will I never free myself by making it right?

[Chorus]

Jillian
Our dream ended long ago.
All our stories
And all our glory
I held so dear.
We won't be together for ever and ever,
No more tears.
I'll always be here
Untill the end...

[Voices]
(Jillian, no more tears...
Jillian, no more tears...)

[Chorus]

662  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-02-27
Written: (6184 days ago)

Drive funeral for a friend

And I wish it was sweeter
The taste of your mouth
Because right now, it hurts too much to be
Closer than this
And with one hard look
I can tell
That you've had enough of these useless sunsets

[Chorus]
This could be a movie
And this could be our final act
We don't need these happy endings
This could be a movie
And this could be our final act
We don't need these happy endings

So tell your father that
That you're mine
And I'll swear we'll run away
And I'll make a plan and save
Everyone from themselves
And put them in the ground
And put them in the ground

[Chorus]

Sitting in the car
With the radio
Turned to static
Feeling quite tragic
And with one strategic blow
And you find yourself
Back in the hold
That you used to sit so comfortably in

Sitting in the car
With the radio
Turned to static
Feeling quite tragic
And with one strategic blow
And you find yourself
Back in the hold
You used to sit so comfortably in

[Chorus]

Sitting in the car
With the radio
Turned to static
Feeling quite tragic
And with one strategic blow
And you find yourself
Back in the hold
That you used to sit so comfortably in

Sitting in the car
With the radio
Turned to static
Feeling quite tragic
And with one strategic blow
And you find yourself
Back in the hold
That you used to sit so comfortably, comfortably in

661  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-02-27
Written: (6184 days ago)

Funeral for a friend - roses for the end

Just to say we're sorry,
For the black eyes and bleeding lips.
And it's hard to forget
How many lies we've told.

Or how old we'd grow,
Before I said goodbye.
So let's scrape our knees on the playground.

It's not your fault,
You feel okay.
It's too late in the day.
It's not your fault,
You feel betrayed.
You can't come out to play.

I never listened to a word you never said.
I never listened to a word you never said.

Wasting the hours now,
We're all suckers for tragedies.
And start this over again,
And you bring us to our knees.

As sunrise comes,
And the story will sell,
A few hundred papers,
So we'll follow you up.

It's not your fault,
You feel okay.
It's too late in the day.
It's not your fault,
You feel betrayed.
You can't come out to play.

I never listened to a word you never said.
I never listened to a word you never said.

So raise your hands up high,
And let this rain pour on.
So raise your hands up high,
And wash us away.

Like innocence and childbirth,
You look just like your mother
And you look just like your father.
Forgive him our father,
Your son is smiling,
So lay roses around you.

620  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-02-15
Written: (6196 days ago)

another song by tristania, called selling out

Am I alive?
Feels like dying
Down, down
Fists are striking me
It gets so dark
Or are my eyes blinded?
Down, down
Boots are kicking me
The coward, the sinner, the thief
The liar, the misfit, the creep
I'm running out of
Steps to walk
Of air to breathe
And words to talk
I'm running out of
Noise to make
Of jokes to tell
And hearts to break

For days burned and frozen lies
The years that passed me by
The child in me just died
The scars in me will never heal
An overdose of nothingness
My visions are for sale
I'm selling out

am alive
But always falling
Down, down
I hear voices calling me
The coward, the sinner, the thief
I am alive
Kind of wasted
Down, down
Hands are reaching me
The coward, the sinner, the thief
The liar, the misfit, the creep

I'm running out of
Dreams to dream
Of tears to spend
And screams to scream
I'm running out of life again
Smothering...
Turning into dust

606  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-02-13
Written: (6198 days ago)

Crushed Dreams by tristania

You choke a scream
Crushing a dream
Made the scheme real

Show this sinner your precious god
Lift the blame off my shoulders
With a simple thought
Show me life's pleasure
And how it is caught
Not just the air I breathe
Or the dream I forgot...

The last smile
The last word
It's time to face the final outcome
The pagan
The godless deeds
Fall...
Deep...
Your vacuum made complete

Exterminate...
Eradicate...

Preparing for death
Awaiting the light to shine on us
Wishing the sun to fall down on our heads
Show us the joy in the world that we're living in
Turn our dreams into sin

Your first breath
The far tolls
It's you these bells were made to call for
The pagan
The godless deeds
Crawl...
Deep...
The last hypocrisy

Walk the path
The shining path

Lift this prayer to heaven's heights
Feed my mind with the most glorious thoughts
Sacrificing all my dreams
For this I will serve and honour to death
Or do I just fear the tyrant's wrath

445  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-01-13
Written: (6229 days ago)

Ever noticed...that everyone around you is in a couple and half the time you're stuck with them and you feel in the way, even though they say you're not you know you are, they just don't want to hurt you're feelings, they don't really notice what's happening, they just seem to forget that you're right there, while they're at it constantly, *sighs* what's the point? they make you so jealous that you don't have that, you don't have someone there beside you to hug you or make you smile, to make you feel speacil and so loved, and you start to think that you'll never have that, never that you'll be alone for the rest of you're life, from there you except it, and you start planning out you're house, with the room for the cats, so then you're loved by them only because they know that you give them food, then you die by your self and no-one finds you and the cats get hungry and they start to eat you, the perfect existance of you're life, and yet in this no-one notices that you're hurting inside, that you're crying infront of them, but their too diluted with their own sex drives that they don't fucking care, you want to tell them what's wrong but you can't tell them, you can't tell them you're feelings cause you're scared that they'll turn round and say that you're just being silly, and that half way through talking to them they ignore you...what type of friends are they? and you can say the same for me, i should be happy for them, and i am, and i know that they have to get time by themselves and i give them it....but it's hurts and they can't see it

 The logged in version 


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