How can I begin to pretend that the decisions I am making are the right ones if I have made so many mistakes on the same choices I seem incessantly floundered with....

How can I justify the actions and decisions I make and do if I am still confused and apprehensive after I make them...And if I can't, then what provokes me to make the initial decision...

How do I choose between what is right and what makes me happy at the time? And more importantly, what separates the two?

Why is it, that everytime I bring myself to the point of making a crucial decision, the key drive in that decision disappears shortly after I engage the process of making it...



All of these questions that I wonder, none of which I can solve....Is it worth persisting them to prominence in my mind? Is it safe for me to try and sustain emotion while I sate the drive in my head that tells me I have to take this 18 credits all at once..And I have to persevere simply because if I don't now, I may never entertain the ability to stick to the many other things I want to do in my life?



Something else that has been bothering me...How can anyone justify selling their younger life to developping a career that will inevitably allow them to retire at the age of 40-45...Or so...How can they make the decision to give their younger life for a secure end life...Isn't the younger part of your life what you base the rest of your life on? The romance...The love...The learning....When you finally achieve your goal of retirement...Are you happy with your choice? Do you share the same mindstate with the former you that originally made the decision to throw their youth away to create the you that now has that amassed wealth...But not the ability to look back at a life enjoyed?

Well....I don't know about the rest of you but personally...I say Fuck this ill concienved ideal....They can take thier money...thier big house, thier prestige, thier counterpart that has long since lost the concept of romance, love, and probably even lust... Take all of these things and die with them...I will take my attempt at holding onto my ideals....My morals that have so described my beeing.....I will take my ongoing search for romance, love, life.....I will take my love for the planet that is not inhabited by the people like you...As seldom as they come....for the forests our leaders seek only to destroy, backed by the corporation you so worked for to accomplish your wonderful retirement plan...I will take my love of learning, my will do do everything that I dream of and entertain in this strange mind that, due to the wonderful chemicals of this amazing existence, allows me to think for myself, and create my own sense of these emotions that I feel....Ones that can't be described by that of the English, or any other language that I have heard of.....I will take my love to help people, and teach people, and show people my own outlook and view on this life and it's counterparts...

I will take all of this over your riches, your land, and your prestige....And in turn I will be happy where you are not....I will be me where you are them....And you will smirk in superiority as you pass me playing my guitar infront of your office building, sharing my music with the world, and I will smile inwardly, knowing that I wold take my life over yours any time of the eternity....