Well, I did have a grandiose plan towards updating entries that I wished to submit here; except now there is nothing for me to do but writhe in agony as I sit at home and suffer the relentless quagmire that is the common cold. So that's it for right now, I'm sick at home and hating every minute of it. I do have a short break from work which is a timely relief, but likewise I now have no ability to get things done that I wanted to because of this fucking illness!!

Every year this seems to happen, too.

All I have to say is that my body better beat the holy fucking shit out of this virus by new year's eve, or else there will be hell to pay. No way I'm missing out on new year's just because of some stupid-ass cough or sore throat.

Somehow I can't help think about Keith David's character off of the film 'Pitch Black'. He says in the movie, "so much prayer to answer for...I scarcely know where to begin."

(as of this moment, listening to "disgustipated", off of 'undertow', Tool's 2nd album)

That's it, time for an upgrade. I've let it go long enough without adding new info or material to my house here at WC. Now is a propiteous time as well, especially since right now as I type these words I'm all hopped up on caffeine (courtesy of a Tully's latte) and jamming out on Tool's undertow album at a volume high enough to make my ears bleed!

Oh yeah, this is an addendum to the former entry. About my house and its lack of activity, I will try to update my description when I have a free moment, as well as include more poetry and maybe a couple other short stories to produce a fuller body of writings.

This note is directed more toward writersco mod's about my long absences. Just because I fade away for many days at a time, doesn't mean I disappear completely.

Still down, still longing for companionship, still waiting. Watching the world run by me. It feels like all of existence is leaving me behind, passing me by and never looking back. There is no school, coworkers I thought were friends don't speak to me as much as they used to, and remaining at home with little to do and nothing to look forward to is giving the blue shadow every opportunity to invade my peace. To make matters worse, I've just been duped by a rediculously assinine web ad ploy which ended up causing me to spend money online (something I absolutely loathe doing).

Oh well. At the very least, I hope I'm satisfied with the coffee and anime I bought.

This might be a brief entry compared to the others.

I'm presently in the midst of a heated war. My body is desperately fighting off that nastiest of enemies, the common cold virus. The worst part about all this illness I'm suffering is that I can't seem to get anything done due to the splitting headache, the nasal congestion, and this damn prickly skin. I'm basically either hurting or terribly uncomfortable which is exactly what a cold or flu will do to a man. This sucks so much I can't even think of a word to describe it.

Oh well. Can't update anything, can't think straight, can't enjoy anything except a good cup of tea right now. When I feel better I'll try and upload some more writings.

Delays. Delays. And more delays. Considering what real life is doing to my ambitions, it comes as no surprise that nothing is getting updated here or at elftown, as well as nothing getting accomplished in the ways of writing or with my graphics (however, I did squeeze in a little more sketching just the other day). Right now, the agenda is heavily shifted more toward the good old day job, which is absolutely killing all my energy to complete anything once I get home. 

The phantom sentinel of lonliness I now refer to as the "blue shadow", and there are many times even now that this blue shadow decides to rear its putrid form and takes my heart away to that despondent place where I can do little more than pine away at a better life. It's always the same too, that better life where I travel the Asian countryside with a female companion to share in the pleasures I will find there. But keeping the blue shadow at bay is my only challenge in life. Seems like everyone I'm surrounded by is now dating, marrying, or living their last moments with their loved one; meanwhile, all I do is stand back and watch like a homeless kitten in a window. Every person I speak to says the same thing: "don't worry...you'll meet someone real soon...you'll find your true love...just keep looking..." and so on, and so on, and so on...even though plenty of women have complimented me on my looks and my humor
well, here's what I've come to realize--I will NEVER find her, she does not exist, she is not out there, and there is no hope for me anymore. Period. It's too late for me to find the right girl, ALL of them have already been taken by nice gentlemen. Most guys have that "girl of their dreams", but all I have to look for is the "girl who won't run away from me".

After that previous entry, I now feel better, however the lonliness always lies in wait. Like a shadow hunter, it will strike with or without provocation, and once it's shows itself that is the time when I am at my weakest to do anything of worth. All I can do is somehow kill the pain until my next encounter with this assassin of emotion. And killing the pain is never easy.

At this point in time, I finally added some material to a matte sketch which has been in the works for a couple months now. Progress made is progress welcome I say! Since I'm also involved in a sibling's wedding, I have little time to work around for my own agendas.

And then there's the $3,000 debt. This problem is a recent occurrence, and a great deal of it has to do with a broken transmission on my car that needed repairing. Oh sure, my car's nice and fixed now, but how the hell am I supposed to repay the fucking money required to fix the damn thing?

Today is the day I cry.

Is it the rain perhaps...?

Today I must have dropped my defenses and allowed the emotion within to finally surface. And again, I played the song "zero chance" by Soundgarden. The tune fits me like a glove-practically every word aptly describes how I'm living every day, as if Chris Cornell had me in mind when he wrote it. The lyrics, the melody...it's perfect for this moment. And so I sobbed as I listened.

Back to work. Having returned to my former job once again, I also ran into a lot of familiar faces I got to know well in the last several months. I'm currently working in a department that I've never been in before, and even though I miss seeing those regular folks on a daily basis I still like the work I'm doing in this new environment. I just hate having to get to know new people and also try remembering old friends, it's taxing on the mind.

School is officially ended, for awhile at least. With my abilities as true as they were 8 years ago, I managed to squeeze an entire year of Japanese study and then some into the span of 6 or 7 months. There's another laudible achievement I can place on my big belt of life's accomplishments! It's even better this time around since I'm now what you could consider a tri-lingual person, and as I get older I'm somehow more able to speak to people, whether they are friends or strangers. Maybe it's age that makes people communicate better to all types, I dunno.

One sour note I have to state: my chance to complete some writing for the novel is going to be seriously hampered because of the job, since I come home every day about ready to collapse with exhaustion. Thus, the work is going to be pushed WAY back well past the original date I'd set up for finishing the manuscript. The date was supposed to be for late October of this year, but it looks like that will be impossible. The total writing is roughly half-done, and what I do have is going through a major revision, and THAT isn't even done yet. Oh yeah, forgot to add the unfinished writing for a couple of short stories which were supposed to be completed weeks ago. Also, I'm in the middle of a current matte sketch, working on this rediculous thing for elftown, still have emails to send to some school contacts I met earlier this month...

Some folks say they have a full plate on their hands; my plate is actually overflowing like a clogged toilet. I just hope I don't foget to pay my car insurance. It's due in 2 weeks.

This entry had to be made in the spirit of ennui that I'm still feeling from today. School has ended, my finals are finished, and I've come to terms with the fact that my Japanese isn't so bad after all. The pride of the moment came when I left with several classmates after class was over to a nice Japanese restaurant down in Redmond, which served an unbelievable spread, including sushi, teriyaki, tempura, and a host of other menu items I was surprised by. totemo oishii, to say the least! After all that, they decided to hit the Borders for some browsing, then we finally headed for home. An event that was only supposed to last for a couple of hours actually took over half the day, and by the time I returned I was exhausted, especially since I was driving. I know that I'm simply bantering without saying anything of real importance, but hey this is a blog, isn't it? I'll finish by saying that my teacher had very nice words to say about me as a student, which further bolstered not only my confidence but my emotions as well, seeing as how I won't return to school for some time now that I'm flat broke.

Time to go back to work. Also, with school out my spare time with nothing to do will be converted into productive writings periods hopefully. Pages will be added, stories will be completed, and all will be right with the world.

This just seemed like a perfect time and day to jot some mental notes jangling around this cranium of mine. With the last week of school arriving now, I may get a big break from all the studying these last few months, however I still have a final due to arrive and that leaves me with the next five days to figure it all out. Oddly enough, my troubles with understanding the language material have suddenly faded away, as if it only took a Friday night and Saturday morning to clear away the cloudiness of misinterpretation. Right now, I have no real idea why it makes sense when it didn't only days before; nevertheless, I just hope I'm fully prepared to finish this through and make it out with an excellent grade, since I need best GPA I can get!

今は日本語を話しているあまり難しくないですから、日本語で勉強してるちょうっと簡単なんです。

Also, I seem to have seen many things this weekend, one incident abhorrous to say the least, but mostly it was a pretty good experience. I visited with the folks a nice little town called Leavenworth (in WA by the way) and took delight in eating some good gingercake as well as a little bratwurst, which always makes for a decent meal no matter where you are. The trip got me back into the spirit of things by thinking back to a short story I've started but still needs work. At this point, it looks like I have to finish school first before I take another crack at all the writing projects I have going currently, including the novel which is far from completion. Progress made is progress welcome, all the same.

A fit of some inordinate mental awareness has compelled me to write something here today. I'm not sure what topic I'm supposed to mention, however the only thing running through my mind right now is how hard my schoolwork is bearing down on me. Maybe I should refer to this feeling as "mindsnap", since it feels like my brain is trying its hardest to work right but nothing productive is coming out even after all the gears are turning. I'm so tired I'm probably about to fall down if I try standing up.

Hence the reason that nothing is being updated currently at my house here and at elftown. Fact is, school has taken up 120% of all my free time. Seriously, when I'm not studying Japanese or when I'm not in the classroom I have only enough time to eat, sleep, and maybe watch about an hour of anime at night. Oh yeah, I guess I have a little bit of time to breathe, too.

Well, looks like the Town Guard struck again, only this time the damage was doled out to my writershouse. I'm alright with what they did, no sense crying over spilled pixels. In good faith, I sent a polite message to the mod who conducted the business in question. Actually, it gave me an idea on what to replace the lost graphic with, so now there's a nice little intro I wrote using kanji instead. I always seem to find solutions out of predicaments lately.

On to better news; in fact, it's actually great news for me! I came home after class today, however unlike all other school days I had spent the previous hours of the morning conversing with exchange students direct from Japan. A very welcome and pleasurable experience I must say! I kept getting my picture taken by a gang of teenage girls, most of them quite aesthetically pleasing to the eye-i.e. they were gorgeous!! I was even able to receive a name card from one of them, a remarkable young woman named Emi (きれいな女！) and also consumed my first official rice ball given to me by another student, though I never caught the guy's name. After a few hours of laughing it up and talking candidly with those girls, I was forced to leave for other matters, and besides they had prior plans as well, however I so wished I could have stayed longer...afterwards, I headed to the mall and acquired some free java juice courtesy of a coupon I owned, and while there I took up reading a few texts from the bookstore on how to make and prep tea and also the details behind the Japanese tea ceremony, or if you're in the know, chanoyu.

All in all, a very good day this was. ^_^

More changes again. Seems like everyday I get to my computer I head directly to my community pages and start editing stuff. I'm streamlining the process once more by adding a Myspace page to the medley, so now I think I've finally got enough workspace to meddle with when it comes to uploading pic's as well as acquiring the necessary url's for this site and my elfhouse. Soon, I can begin anew with creating finished works, one of which I need to complete still: the hades weapon sketch. It's looking good so far.

I should probably cut down on my online time, as I've been neglecting my real world duties due to this addiction with communities! At least until after school is over with for the summer and then I can dive head-first into the graphic work and also some more writings.

I just had a great idea that I'm about to start at my elfhouse, and this also rectifies the problem I've been dwelling on about what to put in my wikipage, as well. I will start a sort of "fantasy shop", which will include odd items and relics that elftowners can "purchase" from me using a credit system that I will somehow make and keep tabs on per each customer. I haven't figured out how to do it well so as to maintain purchases and credits, but the ideas are coming together so far, I just need some more time to smooth out the entire process. I have high hopes though that elftowners might be interested in this little entrepeneuring endeavor.

As for the arcane knowledge that I was originally going to place there, I think I may end up pitching those ideas I had to the Elftown Academy. It seems like the perfect place for such topics to be discussed freely, although the council that regulates the site will only accept new subject matter that complies with their usual regulations as far as presenting it in a classroom format. Easier said than done, however I think I can set it up quite nicely. Just need time for that, too.

I guess the creative juices within me have certainly opened the flood gates.

Excellent, the consolidation continues. This page will be my official site for journal entries, since I've now capped the other two locations for my occasional writings. All my mental ramblings will now be posted here and not all over cyberspace.

I think I've figured out how to do this upload thing on writersco now, so hopefully my writings page will look decent. I recently had a slight discrepancy with my elfhouse, so I had to correct that as well, no permanent damage done though; however, I turned it into a positive by delving into the contribution wiki and taking a gander at how I could become less a spectator and more of a participant, i.e. I submitted a few poetic selections of mine to their daily poem page. We'll see how that goes.

By the way, with the use of this blog here I am not about to move all my old entries over here, I'll just simply start future writings here. Now, I have to go, homework calls.

Today marks the commencement of something I hoped I could achieve: I now have a place where I can submit my writings online. Elftown, {AS} Collective, and now WritersCo have become my official triumvirate for all my artistic endeavors and expression. The eminent psychoanalyst Carl Jung (hell yes, better than Freud!) once described the human psyche as existing like a house with 4 main rooms: the anima, animus, superego, and the id--in the cosmos of communities I've joined, my house at WritersCo will represent the dualities between my superego and id, which is the genesis behind my stories and poems. FYI, the creative force of my anima begets the art I submit to my wikipage at Elftown and my animus and its earthly desires will remain with the collective at Adult Swim. What can I say, I like anime!

Balancing the equal dedication to this triumvirate will be tricky, since I have plenty to fill my real-life schedule including the occasional job for some petty cash and my schooling to spend it on (!). I will do what I can however to keep this page with accordance of the rules and stipulations by the WritersCo guard. And hopefully I will bring much to read about--after all, that's the whole point of this site!

Along with this house, go ahead and visit the other pages I'm connected with, else I won't have much justification for creating all these memberships.