[Shadowsong]: 148.Decision

Decisions
Wes Olsen

where have they taken me?... where now can i turn?
not kidnapped by force, but by my own decisions
i let myself be guided by greed, by loss, by anger
by circumstance, by pride, by lust, by guilt
and in such choices, i have built my own destruction
a great and hideous beast it is...
both powerful and aware of all my flaws

and yet i find myself sitting..
observing this evil thing that i have created...
as it tears down those people i love, those i hold dear
as it pulls me further from the near past..
into my near dark future...
one of pain and regret, of loose and sorrow

why have i let it become such a monstrosity?
why have i chosen to ignore it's presence till now?
why do i choose to let it continue to control me?
these are the kinds of choices that made it
i chose to let what was once a small shadow in my soul
become a truly massive, destructive entity..
one that surpasses my own emotion understanding..
one that carries me along like a great dark wave

inside of me somewhere must be the answer..
it has to be... doesn't it?
don't all things the like of this have a solution?
a shining, heroic point of understanding?
one that will come forth.. present it's self to me..
and serve to arm me in my struggle to vanquish this thing

but as i await this wisdom..
i am further entrenched by my choice of inaction..
in letting time pass.. in waiting..
i have once again empowered my burden...
let it pull me further into the abyss of my despair...

i must make a choice...
for indecision in it's self is a choice
but will my action; or lack there of.. help or hinder me?