[RiverStar]: 149.24 Hour Theatre Project

Behind the Fourth Wall
























By Krystal Tabin
September 29, 2006

24 Hour Theatre Project
THESPIS
University of Ottawa








CAST

Hosts
Ms. Harman
Miss Borden

Participants
Alex Jasper – Computer Geek
Sara Gillard – Flirty Girl
Lisa Hobbs – Quiet Student
Louise Fontaine - Insane
Zoe Burns – Business Woman
Marie Bachman – the spy
Bob Stewart – handsome man


Setting
Reality Show
Living Room



BEHIND THE FOURTH WALL


On the stage are several chairs of different types, a sofa, a table, a box with a hole in the top and a few other scattered objects. Miss Borden walks up to the edge of the stage.

BORDEN: Greetings and welcome to Behind the Forth Wall, the first ever live action reality show. This show takes seven complete strangers and pits them against each other in a series of challenges. I know what you are thinking. Just like every other reality show right? Wrong. Not only is this the first show to be done entirely in real time, in front of a live audience, but the participants do not know they are in a reality show, at least not yet, and the participants have no idea that there is a live audience just beyond the fourth wall. There are more things to come but we will let you all find out as the participants find out. (Exit)

Ms. Harman enters, leading the participants into the room.

HARMAN: Please everyone take a seat.

All the participants find a seat.

HARMAN: Welcome. I am Ms. Harman. I will be your host and you will be the participants in a new game show. Your goal here is to find out which among you is the spy. One of you has been hired by us and is a trained actor. There will be a series of challenges in which you will participate. The winner of each challenge will receive a hint to who the spy is. Then everyone will vote on who they think is not the spy. The person with the most votes will be removed from the show. Your goal is to be the last person standing with the spy. If the spy gets voted out that you all loose. I will leave you all to get acquainted. Your first challenge will begin shortly. (Exits)

Everyone looks around nervously for a few moments. Bob looks over at Louise, who is too distracted by her shoe.

BOB: What’s your name?

LOUISE: Louise. Lulu.

BOB: Nice to meet you Louise. My name is Bob.

LOUISE: Lulu want to play.

SARA: I don’t think she is all there.

ZOE: Doesn’t seem to be. Retards scare me.

LOUISE: Lulu want play! Where dolly?

BOB: I don’t know where your dolly is.

LOUISE: Where dolly?!

ZOE: Dolly is dead!

LOUISE: Dolly is no dead! (clings to Zoe)

ZOE: Fine. Dolly is alive. Whatever you want. Just get the fuck away from me!

LOUISE: You said a bad word!

ZOE: You have got to be kidding me.

LOUISE: What your name?

ZOE: Father Christmas.

LOUISE: Santa?! Santa is a boy! You liar!

ZOE: Right.

LOUISE: (sings and dances around Zoe.) Liar, liar, pants on fire, caught on a telephone wire.

ZOE: If you don’t get away from me right now…

LISA: Hi. I’m Lisa.

LOUISE: Lisa want to play?

LISA: What is your name?

LOUISE: My name Lulu.

LISA: What game would you like to play, Lulu?

LOUISE: Sing-a-long!

ZOE: Oh fuck no!

LOUISE: Potty mouth! Bad bad lady!

ZOE: I know I know. I am so very bad. I need a spanking.

LISA: Calm down, Lulu. It’s alright. We can play sing-a-long. What do you want to sing?

LOUISE: Little spider!

LISA: Alright why don’t you start?

LOUISE: (sings) The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout….(waits) Lisa turn!

LISA: Oh right, sorry, umm….

ALEX: (quietly) Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

LISA: What?

ALEX: The next line.

LISA: Oh. Thanks. (sings) Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

LOUISE: (sings) Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.

ALEX: (sings) And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.

ZOE: I’m stuck in a room of fucking nut balls!

LOUISE: Lisa make bad woman go away! (cries)

LISA: Oh hush now. It’s alright. She is just mad.

LOUISE: Play game again?

LISA: In a few minutes.

LOUISE: Okay.

LISA: Thanks for helping, by the way. I’m afraid I am a little out of touch with my children’s songs it would seem.

ALEX: No problem. I have a younger sister who used to run around the house singing constantly.

LISA: I’m Lisa.

ALEX: Alex. Pleasure.

Ms. Harman enters with a box of items.

HARMAN: How is everyone doing? I hope you have gotten a chance to meet each other because now is your first challenge. Your first challenge is simple. It’s a test of your memory. I am going to show you a box of items. You will have 30 seconds to memorize everything that is in the box. Then you will have ten seconds to write down as many things as you can remember. There are pencils and paper on the table. Any questions? No. Good.

Ms. Harman uncovers the box.

HARMAN: You have thirty seconds.

Miss Borden enters at the edge of the stage.

BORDEN: There are thirty items in the box, ranging in size from a toothpick to a hammer. The winner of this challenge will receive a clue as to who the spy is. Remember that the spy will also be trying to weed out people who he or she thinks is unworthy of the prize at the end of the show. The spy may weed people out by planting false leads or voting someone out who is getting a little to warm.

Ms. Harman covers the box.

HARMAN: Your thirty seconds are up. Please grab a piece of paper and a pen and write down as many items as you can remember.

The participants all frantically race for the paper and scribble down as many things as they can remember, except Louise who is still singing to herself in the background.

BORDEN: The clue for this challenge is that the spy’s name is music to the ears.

Miss Borden exits.

HARMAN: Time is up. Please pass your papers in.

Ms. Harman collects the papers and quickly tallies up the results.

HARMAN: The winner of this challenge is Bob. Congratulations. Here is your clue to who the spy is. It is yours to use as you wish. You all have two minutes to cast your votes. Write the name of one of the participants who you believe is not the spy and place the paper inside the ballot box. I will be back in two minutes to tally the votes.

Ms. Harman hands a sealed envelope to Bob and leaves. Bob goes off in a corner to read the contents of the envelope. Over the next two minutes the participants cast their votes.

SARA: Don’t you think that Bob is gorgeous?

ZOE: No one wants to listen to your little dreamy chatter.

SARA: You are just bitchy because you aren’t getting any!

ZOE: What are you? Barely sixteen? What can you possibly know about the world of men?

SARA: More than any dyke would know.

ZOE: You didn’t!

SARA: That’s right! You are a flat-chested dyke!

LOUISE: No fighting! Bad! No fighting!

ALEX: Any chance of a cat fight?

ZOE: You would like that wouldn’t you geek boy!

LOUISE: Stop!

MARIE: So where is everyone from?

ZOE: Las Vegas.

ALEX: Are you a dancing girl?
ZOE: Spare us of your wet dreams would you?

SARA: I’m from Montreal.

LISA: Isn’t that a French city? You don’t have an accent.

SARA: Well, it is pretty French but there is a fair amount of English too. Especially because it’s such a tourist city. Where are you from?

LISA: Japan.

ALEX: No way! I love Japan. They make such great anime. I love anime. So good. You must have seen some great stuff in Japan.

LISA: (disinterested) Yeah…

ALEX: What don’t tell me you don’t like Anime? How could you not like anime? I mean, girls in short skirts with long, long legs. People with big eyes. It’s so cool.

LISA: Yeah…

ALEX: Freak.

ZOE: So where are you from Marie?

MARIE: New York.

BOB: I’m from New York too.

Ms. Harman enters.

HARMAN: Are everyone’s votes cast? Good.

Ms. Harman goes and gets the box and counts up the votes.

HARMAN: The first person voted off the show is Bob. Is there anything you wish to say before you leave?

BOB: You only voted me out because I won.

HARMAN: Okay, let’s go.

Ms. Harman and Bob leave.
ZOE: The poor baby lost her precious eye candy.

SARA: Shut up.

ZOE: Aw, did the poor baby not get what she wanted?

SARA: Why don’t you go play with yourself? Maybe then you would be less bitchy.

LOUISE: Play game!

ZOE: NO!

LOUISE: Game!

ZOE: Fine. We will play a game. We will play the quiet game.

LOUISE: How you play?

ZOE: The first one to talk looses.

LOUISE: Okay! Me good! Me win!

ZOE: Starting now!

MARIE: Hey, Bob left his clue behind.

LOUISE: Pretty lady loose! She talk!

MARIE: Pardon me?

LOUISE: You loose!

MARIE: Should we read it?

LOUISE: Lisa sing song again?

LISA: Um…I don’t know any more songs.

LOUISE: Boy sing song?

ALEX: What song?

LOUISE: Great big moose!

ALEX: (sings) There was a great big moose!

LOUISE: ALL! (sings) There was a great big moose….no you all supposed to sing.

MARIE: We don’t want to sing right now Lulu.

LOUISE: (sulks) Pretty lady mean.

MARIE: What do you guys say? Should we read Bob’s clue?

ALEX: I don’t see why not.

MARIE: “The spy’s name is music to the ears.”

SARA: What does that mean?

LISA: I’m sure it will make sense in time.

Ms. Harman enters with several papers in hand.

HARMAN: Are we ready for the next challenge? This challenge is a simple matching game. On these papers you will find a list of everyone’s first name and everyone’s last name. Your goal is to match everyone’s first name to their correct last name. Whoever gets the correct combination first wins.

Ms. Harman passes out the papers.

HARMAN: You may begin.

The participants rush to finish. Zoe finishes first and gives her paper to Ms. Harman.

HARMAN: You have two wrong.

ZOE: Which ones?

HARMAN: You will have to try again.

ZOE: Fuck!

LOUISE: Bad word! Nasty! Bad!

ZOE: Shut it!

Alex finishes and gives his paper to Ms. Harman.

HARMAN: Correct. Alex is the winner. Here is your clue. You have two minutes to cast your votes.

Alex takes his clue as Ms. Harman leaves. Alex sits in a chair and reads his clue and immediately goes and casts his vote. The other participants sit in silence and one at a time go and cast their vote. Louise sings twinkle-twinkle little star the whole time.

Miss Borden returns to her spot on the edge of the stage.

BORDEN: Are any of you getting closer to guessing who the spy is? The last clue was “The spy is a copy cat.” Good luck.

Miss Borden exits.

LISA: I’m currently working on my masters. What do you do?

SARA: I’m a radio DJ.

LISA: That’s pretty cool.

SARA: I guess. What about you Marie?

MARIE: I am a lawyer.

ZOE: Really? So am I.

ALEX: Strange.

LOUISE: Lulu write name on paper.

LISA: Good job, Lulu. Are you going to put your vote in the box?

LOUISE: Lulu put vote in box.

LISA: That’s right.

Ms Harman returns.

HARMAN: Are all votes cast?

SARA: Yeah. Even Lulu cast a vote.

HARMAN: Great.

Ms. Harman goes and collects the votes.

HARMAN: The second person voted out is Lisa. Do you have anything you would like to say before you leave?

LISA: Take care of Lulu. She needs help.

HARMAN: Alright. Let’s go. You have a few minutes before the next challenge.

Ms. Harman and Lisa exit.

SARA: Well it’s just down to the four of us.

ALEX: Yup.

MARIE: So what kind of music do you play at your station?

SARA: Mostly indie grunge stuff.

MARIE: Is there much of an audience for that?

SARA: Small but very loyal.

MARIE: Do you like it?

SARA: Yeah it’s pretty fun.

LOUISE: Pretty lady draw.

MARIE: What would you like me to draw, Lulu?

LOUISE: Bunny.

MARIE: I can draw a bunny for you.

Marie draws for Louise, while Alex pulls Sara aside.

ALEX: I want to tell you my clue.

SARA: Why?

ALEX: Just because.

SARA: Okay.

ALEX: The spy is a copy cat.

SARA: What does that mean?

ALEX: Think about it and you will figure it out.

SARA: Alright.

Louise comes skipping over to Alex and Sara.

LOUISE: See pretty bunny.

SARA: Yes, very nice Lulu. Very nice.

Ms. Harman returns.

HARMAN: I have your next challenge for you. You have thirty seconds to name as many television shows as you can that feature space cowboys. Grab paper and begin.

The participants all rush to write.

Miss Borden comes out.

BORDEN: I bet you are all getting just as close as some of the participants are to guessing who the spy is. The next clue will be “An inquisitive type.”

Miss Borden leaves.

HARMAN: Time’s up. Papers please.

Ms. Harman looks over the papers.

HARMAN: And the winner is Alex, again. Good job. You sure know your space cowboys. Here is our clue. Two minutes to cast your votes.

Ms. Harman gives Alex his clue and leaves. Alex reads his clue.

ALEX: Sara, come here.

SARA: What is it?

ALEX: Who’s inquisitive?

SARA: I don’t know. Who?
Alex just smiles and goes to cast his vote. Sara thinks for a few moments then goes to cast her vote.

ZOE: What in the world are you two whispering about all the time?

ALEX: Nothing that concerns you.

Zoe grumbles and goes to cast her vote.

MARIE: Lulu, are you going to vote again?

LOUISE: Vote?

MARIE: Yes. Write someone’s name on the paper. Either me, Sara, or Zoe or even Alex.

LOUISE: Alex?

MARIE: Yes, if you would like.

Louise writes a name on a piece of paper.

MARIE: Are you going to put it in the box?

LOUISE: Box! Jack in the box!

MARIE: No. Paper in box.

LOUISE: Paper in box.

Louise puts her piece of paper in the box.

LOUISE: (sings) there was a great big moose! Who liked to drink a lot of juice! His name was Fred! He liked to drink his juice in bed!

ALEX: I’m glad this is almost over. I’m not sure I can stand any more of her singing.

SARA: It’s not that bad. She’s kind of cute. She’s so childlike and happy.

ALEX: Whatever you say.

Ms. Harman returns.

HARMAN: Votes done?

MARIE: Oh, sorry, just one minute.

Marie scribbles down a name on a piece of paper and drops it into the box.

HARMAN: Alright then. Let’s see what comes of this.

Ms. Harman collects the votes.

HARMAN: The next person voted out is Alex. Do you have anything you wish to say?

ALEX: No. I have said all I need to.

HARMAN: Alright then let’s go. You will have two more challenges and then we will declare a winner.

Ms. Harman escorts Alex out.

SARA: I think Alex was kicked out because who knew too much. Who voted for him?

ZOE: Well, obviously you didn’t since you seem so shocked.

SARA: I was just wondering because whoever voted for him is obviously scared and wouldn’t want to be found out.

MARIE: Now you wouldn’t happen to be trying to lead us on now would you Sara?

SARA: What do you mean?

MARIE: Are you trying to trick us by pretending you are all shocked when it was really you who voted Alex out?

SARA: Why would I vote Alex out when he was giving me all his answers?

ZOE: So that’s what you two were whispering about! He was giving you his clues! You probably bribed it out of him. You little cheat!

SARA: I am not a cheat! Ms Harman said that you could do whatever you wanted with the clue.

LOUISE: No fight! No!

ZOE: Shut up, Pooh Pooh!

Ms. Harman returns.

HARMAN: We are getting very close now. Only two more challenges to go. This challenge is a test of balance. Who can stand on one foot the longest? Everyone prepare yourself.

Everyone stands up. Marie helps Louise up.

HARMAN: Ready, set, go!

Everyone balances on one foot. Louise starts looking around and falls over.

HARMAN: Louise is out of the competition.

Zoe sneezes and trips, putting her foot down and pumping into Marie who falls as well.

HARMAN: Sara wins.

MARIE: That was no fair. I was knocked down.

HARMAN: The rules where simple. Be the last one on one foot. Sara wins. Here is your clue Sara. I will be back in a few minutes for the votes.

Ms. Harman leaves. Sara opens the clue.

SARA: (muttering) Music Man?

MARIE: That was so not fair. You shouldn’t have pushed me.

ZOE: Sorry, it was an accident. Don’t be so temperamental, Bachman.

SARA: Who’s Bachman?

ZOE: That’s Marie’s last name.

SARA: Bachman…

LOUISE: Me like music.

ZOE: We know.

Zoe casts her vote. Lulu copies her.

ZOE: Don’t copy me.

SARA: Copy?

ZOE: Not you too. So annoying.

Marie and Sara cast their votes.

Ms. Harman returns.

HARMAN: Are we all ready? Good. Let me just count up the votes.

Ms. Harman counts the votes.

HARMAN: And the fourth person voted off the show is Sara. Do you have anything you wish to say to the remaining three participants?

Sara shakes her head.

HARMAN: Alright. One challenge left. Make sure you are prepared.

Ms. Harman and Sara leave.

ZOE: And then there were three.

MARIE: Who would have thought we would last this long. I was certain I would be the first one out.

ZOE: I thought at least the retard would be gone.

LOUISE: Music? Bach?

MARIE: What did you say Lulu?

LOUISE: Bach?

MARIE: Bachman?

LOUISE: Bachman!

MARIE: Right.
Ms. Harman returns

HARMAN: Are we ready for the last challenge? The first person to say the correct answer to my skill testing question wins. How many months have 28 days?

ZOE: One!

MARIE: February!

LOUISE: All!

HARMAN: Louise wins.

ZOE: What?

Zoe and Marie both look at Louise in shock. Ms. Harman hands Louise her clue.

HARMAN: Congratulations Louise on winning the last clue. I will be back to tally the last votes.

Ms. Harman leaves. Louise takes the envelope and eats it.

MARIE: Louise! Don’t do that!

ZOE: Gross.

Marie and Zoe go cast their votes.

LOUISE: (sings) A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. In the most delightful way.

Louise casts her vote.

Ms. Harman returns.

HARMAN: Votes are done? Good. Let’s tally them up for one last time.

Ms. Harman collects the votes and counts them.

HARMAN: The final person voted off is Zoe.

ZOE: What?

HARMAN: Let’s bring out the voted off participants.

All the past participants return to the stage.

HARMAN: Our final two are Louise Fontaine and Marie Bachman.

Miss Borden enters at the edge of the stage.

BORDEN: So what do you make of our final two? Do you know who the spy is? I will remind you of the clues. The first clue was “The spy’s name is music to the ears.” Clue number 2 was “The spy is a copy cat.” Clue number 3 was “Inquisitive.” Clue number 4 was “Music Man”. And the final clue was “A spoon full of sugar.” Did those clues narrow it down? By a show of hands who thinks the spy is Marie? Lulu? We will see who is right after this short commercial break! Just kidding! We will find out right now!

Miss Borden moves to the side but stays on stage.

HARMAN: And the spy was…..Marie Bachman! Louise Fontaine is the winner of a million dollar prize!

Miss Borden holds up applause sign.

HARMAN: Louise do you have anything you would like to say? Perhaps how you figured it out?

LOUISE: Of course. I would first like to thank all of the other participants for helping me solve the puzzle. And to how I figured it would, well, let’s just say you would be amazed at what people say when they think you aren’t listening.

HARMAN: Congratulations, Louise.

BORDEN: And from all of us here at Behind the Fourth Wall, we wish you a good night and hope you will join us next season for another exciting real action reality show. Goodnight everyone!

- THE END -