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2007-04-23 Askoga: I really like this poem, for the most part. Since you said not to mention the forced-soundin 2007-04-23 Jenna Rose: Thanks :) 2007-04-23 Askoga: Hee, I did that with something I wanted to put in my latest poem, but ended up just taking out the entire stanza. Honestly, I don't have any helpful suggestions for shortening it. 2007-04-23 Jenna Rose: I'm thinking maybe adding a third line to each, to even them out a little... Too tired to work on it right now :3 2007-05-21 Jenna Rose: *sigh... grumble* One thing I hate about re-naming pages. The ratings go back to 0 -.- 2007-05-21 bloody kisses: Aww, s'ok. I hate that too, because normally it's the things that people actually HAVE rated =P 2007-05-21 Jenna Rose: Hmm. o.o I dunno, it sounds fine to me. They contain a bit of reversed syntax.[Jenna Rose]: 150.Poetry.Lea
Rating: 0.95 Uploaded by: Created: 2007-05-21 19:57:08Previous:Keywords: love heartache breakup hurt sadStyle:poetryLicense:Free for reading
Ratings would be lovely and much appreciated. :)
Oh, and yes, it IS from a guy's point of view.
Leaving
So this is the end, this is goodbye
I’m leaving, we’re done, it’s over...
We both have no more tears left to cry
We’ve had our share of tiring fights
Broken dishes, broken feelings...
And too many long, sleepless nights
There’ll be no more love-making in our bed
No more lying next to you, wondering...
What thoughts run through your head
On the beach, we’ll share no more walks
No more picnic lunches...
Nor our wide-awake 2 a.m. talks
I’ll try to remember the way you made me feel
And all the sweet memories we’ve made...
Sometimes, your love for me seemed too good to be real
I’ll treasure all of the special times we shared
Like that night I poured my heart out to you...
And you listened, but more importantly, you cared
And I’ll never again buy roses; they were meant just for you
The look on your face when I brought them to you, no...
Daisies, carnations... for others, those will do
I’ll lie, and tell my friends I’m doing fine
Faking smiles, hiding heartache...
While silently wishing that you were still mine
Most of all, I’ll miss you - I already do
Lying on my motel bed....
It’s only been an hour or two
I’m sitting here writing you this letter
My last goodbye...
And hoping that it makes things better
“I’ll love you till the day I die
I love you so much...
Darling, please, please don’t cry”
I stare at the paper, not knowing what else to say
So I sigh, and finish with...
“But leaving was the only way”
This was very touching, and reminded me strongly of a time not too long past for me. I especially like the fourth couplet, it made me smile!
Yes, that second line in the third couplet has been taunting me all day... I finally just gave up on it. I really want it to still say the same thing basically, but I can't find another, shorter way to write it ><
But I really enjoyed this one, though some of the lines seemed a bit...off?
For instance:
'And I’ll never again buy roses; they were meant just for you
The look on your face when I brought them to you, no...
Daisies, carnations... for others, those will do'
I dunno, for somereason that one sounded a bit off to me.
But I did enjoy this one ^.^