 | Entrance | Main | Wiki | List of forums | The Writings |
2006-02-02 Akayume: wow........... 2006-02-02 kileaiya: Thanks ^^, I'm going post it on the competition page now. *forgot to do that* 2006-02-02 Akayume: yay^^ and yeah, posting it might help^^ 2006-02-04 Kaimee: More more more more! :P It feels like it could be a prologue *nudges you* :P 2006-02-04 kileaiya: I just changed a bit of wording about the water. :) 2006-02-04 chuchutrain: I like it! :D 2006-02-04 Kaimee: Yah, that little change does improve it, you're a good editor :D 2006-02-04 kileaiya: Thank you, both of you. 2006-02-04 chuchutrain: I can't wait! 2006-02-04 Kaimee: I'm watching the page for updates Missy :P 2006-02-26 Nell: Ah! Short and sweet! Nice regrets, happy ending! 2006-04-06 kileaiya: Thank you! XD [kileaiya]: 172.Contest Entries.A writing competition-Fe
Rating: 0.00 Uploaded by: Created: 2006-02-04 02:14:38 Keywords: StrandedStyle:short storyLicense:Free for readingI’ve been stranded in this desert for nigh on 4 days now. I don’t know how I’ve managed to survive this long, but I’m sure I can’t do it for much longer. I ate the last of my food 3 days back, and I drank the last few droplets of water this morning. I’m going to die. I’ve never been afraid of death, but with it looming so eminent my fears run wild. I’ll never get the chance to love someone, and have them love me in return. Never will I have a child to dote on, to kiss, and to hug. I will die, before I ever had the chance to live.
My throat is dry and my body weak. The sand is scorching and I feel like I am burning alive. So this is how it ends? Funny, I never pictured my life ending so soon. I always imagined a full and happy life. There goes that dream. Look, see, it just flew into the air past the vultures congregating above me. I am dying. I will be vulture food before long, and I will not be missed.
What’s that noise? Is that a coyote? Oh great, not only am I going to die, but I am going to be eaten alive. What a way to go. Wait, that’s no coyote. What is that?
“Hello” someone calls.
I try to respond but I am too weak.
“Hello” they repeat. The sound is getting closer.
“Over here,” I manage to gasp. I’m saved, someone has found me. I’m saved.
“Oh my god!” the voice cries out, “Over here you guys, someone is stranded.”
I’m too weak to speak; a group of people surrounds me. They pick me up. Where are they taking me?
“We’re going to a hospital. You will be ok,” a soothing voice assures. “You will be ok.”
My eyes shut and I drift into delirium. I’m saved.
© Jordan Mason 2006, all rights reserved
i really felt like i was stranded out somewhere.
And did you make changes since yesterday? I read it then, and I've just read it again today and I have the strangest feeling it's different - in a good way! XD
Maybe I should check the previous version :P
I plan on fleshing it out some, once I figure out how I want to do it. :P
And I agree with Kaimee, it does seem like it would make an awsome prologue.
Have you ever come across Anne McCaffrey's Dragon Song? There's a bit in it when the main character is rescued and taken to the Dragon Hold, this reminds me of it sort of.
If you wanted to flesh it out a lot you could write it into a larger story, using this like a prologue and putting more in about her rescuers, and how she came to be there in the first place. As well as, you know.. having a storyline, you'd have to think up one of those of course ;)
If you want to keep it simply a short descriptive piece, you've got what you want right here! :3 I don't know, I considered going with almost the exact same storyline as this until I read yours and went Whoops! Better not do that... ;) and I don't know how I would have improved on the basics you've already got.
If you wanted to add another element to the story, some of her (is it a her?) background or something, it might be interesting, but if you want to keep it purely about this - about being stranded out in the middle of nowhere - you've already got some great descriptive stuff in there and all you could possibly do is more of that wonderful editing ;)
I think I will work on her history and how she came to be stranded in the desert, but probably not by the deadline so it'll just have to be an add-on later. :D