[ghost]: 200.Scripts.Flash Parody #1

This is the script for something that will eventually be made into a short flash movie. Why? Cause I friggen can.

---

Emperor Palpatine: And now, you shall DIE!
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Lightning bolt! Lightning Bolt!
Apprentice throws blue marbles at Luke.
Emperor Palpatine: No, it's more like this.
Palpatine does Lit 3.
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Lit 3!
Apprentice throws entire handful of marbles at Luke.
Luke: Ow! Cut it out!
Emperor Palpatine: No, like this, stupid.
Palpatine does Lit 3 again.
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Oh, right.
Apprentice runs over to Luke and starts picking up the marbles. He comes back, turns around, and hurls them at Luke again. He hits Palpatine by accident, dislodging his contact lens'. Palpatine stands there blinking uncomfortably. Darth Vader watches tensely.
Emperor Palpatine: Stupid contacts!
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!
Emperor Palpatine: Dammit, stop saying that. Pay attention.
Palpatine does Lit 3, but he misses the attack bounces off the floor and hits a dart board on the wall. Golem picks up the chalk and marks down the score on the board. He sits down again.
Golem: Now, where were we?
Golem: We were making lewd noises and suspiciously fondling a small ring between our legs.
Golem: Oh, right. ... Precious....
Golem dissappears
Golem: Look Ma! No hands!
Groucho Marx: I'd say I saw that coming, but then you'd know I liked it.
Vader shudders.
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Lightning bolt!
Emperor Palpatine: Shut
Palpatine force-chokes Apprentice
Emperor Palpatine: your bloated
Palpatine does Lit 3 on Apprentice and misses entirely - cat yowls
Emperor Palpatine: big mouth!
marshmellow Cait Sith & Kirby: You rang?
Emperor Palpatine: Wait, where's the cat?
Shot of kittie Cait Sith crispy and electrically charged.
Emperor Palpatine: Right. So what the hell are you here for?
Luke starts to crawl his way over to Vader.
marshmellow Cait Sith & Kirby: You called for a Big Mouth. Well, here I am.
marshmellow cait sith and Kirby's text boxes overlap, depending on which character is further in front. They are trying to say the same things, and they are pushing and shoving each other trying to get their text bubble in front.
marshmellow cait sith & Kirby: He was talking about me! No he wasn't, he was talking about me!
as they push, the bubble on top keeps changing until finally, both text boxes break open, the white filling spraying out, and the words flopping like wet noodles to the ground. Kirby and marshmellow cait sith look at the scene, and then glare at each other. They start to fight, turning into a flurry of pink and white distruction!

Emperor Palpatine: Now, where was I? Oh, yes, I was killing that Skywalker brat. Where is he? Damned contacts, I can't see a thing. Where are you, Skywalker brat?
Luke: Over here.
He pulls out thick bottle glasses with huge rims and puts them on.
Emperor Palpatine: There. That's better. Oh, yes, now I see you.
Darth Vader: Let's have a kid, she said. He'll grow up to be smart and strong, she said. He'll do more than one thing right in his lifetime, and it certainly won't be something that makes you look bad, she said.
Emperor Palpatine: Now, Luke Skywalker, you shall die!
Luke: Father, help me!
Darth Vader: Luke. I am not your father.
Luke: But you said that you were!
Darth Vader: You weren't a retard back then. And then you jumped into a bottomless pit that was some sort of uselessly large wind tunnel, if memory serves. Come to think of it, you weren't that bright back last episode, either.
Luke: Father please!
Darth Vader: Will you shut up afterwards?
Luke: I'll shut up until you finish beating him.
Darth Vader: Good enough.
Vader gets into a menacing battle pose, and so does Palpatine. Vader force slaps Palpatine. Palpatine force slaps Vader. They get into a force-power girl fight. After a while, they both step back, panting heavily.
Darth Vader: You're getting old.
Emperor Palpatine: Well... oh yeah?!?
Darth Vader: Yeah!
Vader holds out his first two fingers, and starts a force eye gouge. Palpatine blocks, and retaliates with a force eye gouge of his own. Vader blocks. They stand there, pushing back and forth. Luke looks at his watch.

Meanwhile, Cait Sith and Kirby are still fighting. They break away, battered and bruised and bleeding, and glare at each other again. They charge one last time but stop in their tracks as a large square shadow eclipses them.
The camera wheels around to behind the two combatants, revieling Domokun. Cait Sith and Kirby slowly turn their gaze from Domokun back to each other and then back to Domokun.
....
Tidus: Hey, Auron, check it out! I'm in a tournament! And it's not even blitzball season!
Vincent: I capture your king.
Tidus: What? You can't do that on your first turn. And besides, none of the pieces are in position for it.
Vincent: No, no. Trust me.
Tidus: That's not fair! He cheated! Auron, tell him he cheated.
Auron: Shut up and move aside. I'll handle this. Ever seen one of these before?
Auron places his fingers around his eye.
Vincent: A bum eye? Yeah. What of it.
Auron: You ever see one open?
pause -side shot. Cut to black. Screams. Color from vincent's face drains along with his health bar. He falls over backwards. He lands next to Lestat, who is wearing a shirt that says "I played Tom Cruise back when he was young and talented."
Lestat: I'm going to offer you the choice I never had. Well, except that one time with the blue and red pills and the black guy. I took both of them, but all I have to show for it is this wormhole in my stomache, or possible crotch area.
Lestat lifts his shirt, revealing a swirling vortex of black and stars and stuff where is stomache or crotch area should be.
Tidus: Well, thanks for the help Auron, but it might not have been that great of an idea.
Chewbacca sits behind the chess table, hands behind his head, C3P-0 in pieces in a crate next to him.
C3P-0: But R2-D2 is the one who beat you! It's not my fault he doesn't have any arms to rip out of their sockets!
Auron: Bah. I'm only on the team so I can follow Lulu, anyway.
Auron gets smacked in the face with Wakka's blitzball, shattering his glasses. Auron grabs his face, and then looks at the glasses, shocked.
Auron: Those were $500 glasses, asshole!
Reno hands Auron another pair of glasses from out of his pocket.
Auron: Oh. Thanks.
Reno nods, and then walks away. Johnny Cage is seen in the background, smiling his victory smile.
....
Back and forth between their faces. Palpatine's eyes twitch. Vader breathes. Palpatine blinks.
Darth Vader: Hah! You blink! I win.
FF7 victory fanfare plays.
Emperor Palpatine: Aww.
FF7 victory fanfare plays again.
Luke: Wait, we can't -
FF7 victory fanfare plays again. Everybody stares.
Emperor Palpatine: Oh, right. Answers his cell phone.Hello?
Luke: We can't see your eyes, father. How do we know you didn't blink?
Darth Vader: My god! You're worse than Fighter!
Fighter: He's worse than mee! He's worse than mee! He's worse than mee!
Darth Vader: Black mage?
Black Mage: Stab.
Darth Vader: Thanks.
....
Emperor Palpatine (On a cell phone): Well, it's really down to the Empire, Shinra, and Microsoft. And we all have a monopoly. Yeah, yeah, I don't know how that works either. But the deathstar is almost done, and as soon as I pay back Bill for that loan, I can use it to wipe out those Mako reactors. It'll be cool, man. What do you mean, you'll wait for the movie?!?
Cloud: We're here to stop you!
Emperor Palpatine (to cell phone): Yeah, hold on a second.
Emperor Palpatine (to Cloud): What the hell do you want? I'm trying to stop shinra!
Cloud: Yeah, but you're also wasting all of Aeris' minutes! So I'm jealous.
Emperor Palpatine (to cell phone): No, it's ok, it's just there are other people talking to me.
Cloud: You're making me emo.
Emperor Palpatine (to cell phone): No, it's not that I don't value your company. It's just that my friends all think it's weird to be, you know, going out with a corpse.
Victor (from Corpse Bride) hangs his head in shame and walks off.
Cloud: You wouldn't like me when I'm emo.
Tifa: Scoffs Well, duh.
Tifa walks off. As she goes, she notices Apprentice's legs hanging down from the top of the screen.
Tifa: You ok up there?
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Yeah, I'm fine.
Tifa: You sure? That doesn't look comfortable.
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Sure. Happens all the time.
Tifa: Ok, if you say so.
Emperor Palpatine: Of course I care about you. It's just that ever since you and Sephiroth had that fling - God, don't remind me! things simply haven't been the same.
Cloud screams and charges at Palpatine. His sword is blocked.
Darth Vader: Don't look at me. I didn't do it.
Sephiroth: Hello again, Cloud.
Cloud: Sephiroth! How did you get here!?
Sephiroth: Same way I always get here. Bad ass special effects!
Cloud: But I didn't see any.
Sephiroth: They're still rendering. Trust me, they're coming.
....
Emperor Palpatine: See how much shinier it is this way?
....
Yuffie: Oooh, Materia!
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: Nooo! not my force lightning!
Yuffie: They're thundaga's now, sucker!
Emperor Palpatine's Apprentice: NOOO! POR QUE?!?!?!
....
Red XIII takes a leak on a potted plant inconspicuously placed in a hallway, next to a window curtain draped over a wall. The window curtain catches fire.
Red XIII: Wait, why is that curtain even there? There's no window.
Unknown: Well how else did you expect to set it on fire by mindlessly taking a leak on the only potted plant on this ship?
....
Yoda: Judge me by my size, do you? Think I am small, you must. Disagree with you, Princess Leia might.
Yoda winks.
....
Auron looking at a copy of "XFXFX". He turns it sideways, a centerfold falls.
Auron: My god, man. The thing's she can do with those Mogs.
Jeckt: Is that a Cactuar?
Auron: Yes. Yes it is.
Camera pan left. Sora looking at a copy of "Hot Princesses and Kairi too." He turns it sideways, a centerfold falls.
Sora: Lost your kingdom, you say? Let Sora kiss it better. SighRiku always did have the better name.
Camera pan left. Link looking at a copy of "Celeb Princess you have to rescue but who aren't Peach". Turns it sideways, a centerfold falls.
Link: My, my. You are looking good today, aren't you, Zelda?
Jeckt: Dude, isn't that, like, your sister?
Akward silence.
....
Unknown: Sorry for the anti-climacting battle.
Unknown 2: Eh, at least it was better than that Duel of the Fates crap.
Darth Maul: Greenlight! Redlight! Greenlight! Redlight! Greenlight! Redlight!... Greenlight Redlight!.... Redlight!
Obi-wan Kenobi:crashes into the force field Ow!
Darth Maul: Gotcha!
Qui-gon jin's corpse: Hey, I bet you 5 credits you can't fly by force choking yourself.
Darth Maul: Oh, you're on!
Obi-wan Kenobi: Um... guys?
....
Pac-Man: Hey, I'm here. Sorry I'm late. You know, traffic. Now, what's this about big mouths?
....
Announcer: Next time on shameless universal parodies: Eddie versus Freddy. Can the scissor-hands beat the... the... whatever those claw things Freddy Kruger has are called? Find out next time, at Redundant Announcements Anonymous.
....
Pac-Man: So, let me ask you something, purely for the sake of science.
Ms. Pac-Man: Yes?
Pac-Man: Just how wide can you open your mouth?
Zoom in on Ms. Pac-Man. She smirks. She winks.
END.