2006-01-18 Burning Inside: Good job, the ending, was...differen 2006-01-18 Kuzco: Alright thanks, and yeah, I'll keep that in mind. :)[Kuzco]: 212.Emotional Fear
Rating: 0.00
He can hear a walk, a walk that slowly steps his way around the house. He didn't hear any door opening. He didn't hear any window break or open either. So strange, so out of ordinary, it could not be anything bad....no, he would notice the minute some outsider stepped in his house.
He tries to relax but he can't; he can hear it, he can feel it coming through the door, standing right besides him, breathing on his neck and forehead with a murderous smile...he holds his breath. Paranoid, he starts to breathe as slowly and quietly as he can, shifting his body as unnoticed as he could to look like no one was there...the foolishness! But he still did it. After five minutes, he's at the position he wanted but he still feels it.
It freezes his bones, hurts his heart, makes him sweat, pains his stomach...the terror, the horror of his imagination.
He lies there waiting for something to kill him, knowing full well that all he has to do is put his head out and look...just look and he'll be safe.
But he can't. He cannot for he is too afraid inexorably paralysed, stupefied by fear. He decides to stretch out his hand but the moment he moves he almost has an heart attack; no, he wasn’t able too, he was too afraid. “Coward…” he thinks to himself, still breathing so slowly he was running out of breath. Suddenly he hears a scream, his skin wrinkles and his blood freezes and his lungs stop though the heart goes full overdrive.
“Where did it come from?” He asks himself, the scream screeches again through his window and he realizes it was a fox. He starts to cry and silently weep, so ashamed was he of his fear; fear of the dark, of what can come for you at any time, at any place. The stories they tell are so horrible, the outcome so disgusting…he can’t help but to be terrified…or can he?
“No…” he whispers. “No, no, no, no,” he repeats again and again and again, his voice getting louder, “No no no NO! AHHHHH” he shouts lifting up the sheets and bending over to find absolutely nothing out of ordinary. He breathes heavily and exhausted looking all around, turning on the lights to ease his weak confidence. He smiles and giggles, letting himself fall on his back with his head hitting the pillow and arms wide open. The relief, the joy! He had won that battle; he had beaten his fear of the dark. He closes his eyes to go to sleep but as he does, he hears a voice:
“Greetings human…” He opens his eyes and looks around, the light was turned off. He prays to god the lamp blew up. But no… the steps, the walks and perhaps the breathing weren’t his imagination. From the corner of his room, a muffled screech outlines the speech:
“We’re to stay during the day boy…” His heart almost stops, if he was standing, he would have fallen due to the loss of strength in his legs. He looked shocked and horrified at the dark corner from which the voice came. “Keep this room unlighted…and you will live. Light this room…and everyone you know will die...includin
Die? DIE? He was too young to die! He was…he…
“I…I’m…wha…no…
“Weep boy…take your time and weep. But remember…don’t ever let sunlight hit this room.”
Between tears and gasps, he lets out an obedient and defeated “Oh…kay…” then forming the question:
“…who are you?”
“We…boy…are the top of the food chain… and are officially going to replace… humanity.” – It explains with a voice so monstrous and disgusting even the void wouldn’t want to fill up on it, that voice.
“How…how can I let you be here? I’m…I’m ready to kill you for my race.”
“You’re welcome…to try. But can you really…face the dark?” The beast seemed to be smiling at the last phrase, adding as commonly as one would say what’s for dinner:
“Oh…we’ll kill your family… at any sign of… disobedience”
He gasped and he coughed preventing himself from screaming in agony, hauling the pain that constricted his heart and some say his soul; the reality, what that meant, the fear.
“Oh my god…no…” he comments to himself, lying back down absolutely destroyed and lost, knowing full well he could not face the dark.
Also just a word of advice. It was rather annoying reading He, as the start of every sentence for a while, and put into many many sentences.
But overall good job
About the ending, I know...hehehe, wanted to catch people by surprise. ;)