[Kiddalee]: 225.Poetry.Formatted.The Grouchy Senryu

Safe at home, the grouch
Exchanges life for solace,
Fermenting alone.

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When I picked senryu as a style for the Unlazy Poets contest, and saw the standard by which I was judging entries, I realized, mine sucked, and I had better try and improve it. The following versions chart the evolution of this poem from the years old bottom one, to all the tweaks I made in one day to get it up to scratch.

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Safe at home, the grouch
Rejects his world for solace,
Fermenting alone.

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After work, the grouch
Rejects his world for solace,
Fermenting alone.

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Safe, fermenting man
No work, no play, nobody
Disgusting solace

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Old grouch sits alone
No work, no play, nobody
Safe, but fermenting

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Old grouch sits alone
No work, no play, nobody,
Challenge, or rewards

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Closing shop, the grouch
Rejects his world for solace.
He is all alone.

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After work the grouch
Rejects his world for solace
He is all alone.

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Here is an old grouch.
After rejecting his life,
He is all alone.