[Blood and Chocolate on my Fangs]: 253.An Appology to the Only One Who Matters

To the Only One Who Matters;

Patrick,

Tonight, not for the first time, I spoiled it for everyone. I can't really explain why except to say the same things over again. You mean the world to me. Maybe I'm jealous at having to share you with the rest of the world.

I didn't mean to hurt you if I did. I never wanted to make you feel bad or screw up your special day. No words can give you back your 21st. Nothing can make it right. But if you read this, and I pray you do someday, I want you to know that I'm sorry.

Tonight I was selfish. I acted like a brat. I should just never have come. All it did was make everything worse. I notice I do that alot. I was right when I said I could never be apart of that part of your life. I will always be 2 years behind you.

I never was good with crowds of people. You'd think tonight I could have put that aside, changed and made it fun. I'm sorry that I couldn't. You mean the world to me and I should show that more often.

Tonight I saw death, and I feared that I might some day lose you. I don't want to be alone, without you is a hell I never want to know. It's been a while since I have felt this bad. I hope I never feel like this again, knowing that it's because of something I did to you.

I can't make it right, but maybe I can make the future better. If you want to give up and let go...I will understand. Why shouldn't you. I obviously have some issues to work out. Life just wouldn't be good without you there to live it with me. I will always love you and I am very sorry.


Sara