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2006-08-18 iippo: Nice use of rhyth and form in the 3 first verses, an the 4th comes like a surprise in its formlessness. :)[shadow in the midst]: 279.death to our nothingness
Rating: 0.15 Uploaded by: Created: 2007-02-04 00:13:32Keywords: Nothing terrorizes my dreams,
Nothing draws a breathe.
Nothing fills my empty touch...
Nothing that is left.
Left from how I used to be;
Left from who I was.
Left from what I used to do;
Left from what was us.
Dead to you and now me,
Dead to all around.
Dead to every moment of life,
Dead from whom its bound.
Bound for punishment of what
Was done, neither by you nor me.
But rather for the union of us;
My cage of serene solemnity.
The lack of punctuation and capital letters gives a slightly confusing, deranged feel to the piece, like someone reading it out loud without even stopping to breathe.
In the last verse "punishment" and "neither" have typos... And is the last stanza's 'its' meant to be "it is (it's)" or the possessive form of it (its) as it has now...? It confuses me the way it is...
Good work in all. :D