[=Φ.Φ=]: 296.Admission

Rating: 0.00  
Uploaded by:
Created:
2006-01-30 05:53:26
Keywords:
Truth be told, I love her
Genre:
Comedy
Style:
short story
He saw her pass him in the hallway at school the following day. He felt his heart twisting in knots as their eyes met, yet no words were exchanged.

As he sat through his first few classes, all he could think about was how he had lost something so wonderful; how his heart was in turmoil, and how his eyes burned to shed more tears.

Be strong...Just be strong, he repeated to himself again and again.

As he entered the lunchroom, the knot in his heart grew as he noticed how empty everything was. Nothing seemed as it should. The sky, which seemed so perfect days before, looked bleak, and endless.

He sat down in a chair, watching everyone around him eating their food, and conversing in the rather noisy setting. He could smell the cafeteria food, and it made him want to vomit.

Slowly, one by one, his friends sat down around him, none of them saying a word, for fear of upsetting him more than he already was.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she sat down beside him. It was clear from her expression that she had been feeling as horrid as he was, and so, side by side, they sat in silence.

As she stood to leave, he motioned for her to come near, and quietly, he whispered in her ear the one thing that he had been holding back from her.

"I wanted to say this in person, at least one time. Haley, I love you."

She glanced into his eyes, tears brimming as she nodded, and walked away.

The day continued on in torment, as the world ceases for no one. At the end of the day, she slipped him a note.

Fearing the worst, he opened the letter. He read through her words, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest.

But what he found in their meaning was not torment, but relief. The final words he read clearly stated that she loved him too.

2006-01-31 Askoga: This is pretty good. I suggest using fewer paragraphs in your story, but I think that maybe this way it lends power to the words. Agonizingly, the reader is forced to slow down for the paragraphs, and this matches the tone of the story. You use feelings to your advantage here, and the reader can relate to the poor protagonist in his heartbreak. I hope you'll continue this story, for I would very much like to read more.


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