[Talenya]: 299.Poetry.Eyes

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2006-02-06 19:49:30

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Note: This is a surprise poem done for my English class in 2003 or 2004. This is the way my teacher had wanted it. Maybe some day I'll change it around.

My eyes are a fierce & fiery green,

They see and slash through everything,

My home you've probably never been,

Big, lush, and always changing.

Sometime you will see me in a cage,

I am cunning,

I am hunter,

I'm fast enough most of the time,

Unless I am napping in the sun,

What am I, to you, predator or pray?

--send a message of what you think it is to me. Or if you just want to find out what it is.--

2006-02-05 grushaj: The Good: I get a very strong sense of feeling that I am walking in your shoes, seeing things from your perspective through this poem, and that's wonderful.

The Bad: Hmm... though good, stronger 'feeling sense' words might bring this thing to life. Example, instead of just "cunning", give me a "show not tell" description.. something that 'shows' you are cunning, not just by telling me straight up. Make me FEEL you are cunning, know what I mean?

Overall, well done. I like the whole feel of it, but like all things in this world, there is a lot you could do with it to make it even better!