2006-04-08 Annie: i really like this one...it's very applicable to the teenagers of today i think; a temptation, a slight fear, but finally a complete embrace. very good. 2006-04-08 Dead/Alive: I know...and it is much appreciated...[Dead/Alive]: 308.shadow dreams
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From the deepest recesses of the shadows embrace,
A single lone hand, one with no apparent origin.
Beckons you to join with it in the shadows,
Do you dare?
Stepping closer, the shadows enshroud you body.
It is then you see the hands master,
With a gasp, you take the hand
Slowly, you’re are pulled deeper,
Closer into it’s embrace.
With a tinge of fear you wonder,
What will happen?
Where will I be taken?
Then, as if they were never there, the fears were gone.
You no longer care, so long as you are enshrouded,
In the arms of this strange darkness.
here's my tough side. :P
i think your two biggest problems in this poem (?) are punctuation and verb tense. the end of line two should have a comma, the end of line three should have a period. on line five, the shadows enshroud -your- body. Also, if you wanted to have correct grammar...you'
On lines 8 and 9...perhaps "slowing, you're pulled closer / deeper into it's embrace." switch those two words...becaus
Third line from the end, your verb tense just needs fixing...the fears "are" gone, not "were" gone.
Last of all, you don't need a comma at the end of the second to last line.
That's all...quite a bit actually...i do it all with good intentions and only because you told me you wanted it. :)
-Annie