[Eloura]: 341.Touching Poems.Fickle Ways

Please understand this is a very old poem that while searching for some of my more recent and more liked poetry i stummbled across it. It is very meaningful, though admittedly it does seem rather bad sounding. I would like feed back on this one, positive or negative. I just would like to know what you all think.



Fickle Ways


Sitting here upon this chair
My very breath gone
No care
Death upon my face does rise
As I turn my eyes to the sky’s

Suicide is not my choice
But it’s all I got left to douse
I sit here waiting
Hoping soon
Someone will care enough
To stop my blade

I had turned away from this
So very long ago
And now it’s back
In it’s full blow..

I try to bleed out my pain
Causing all the same
Nothing seems to help
Nothing seems to save me

I look around for a voice
Someone to cling to
Someone who will ease the pain
And tell me I am safe

I cry out for love
For all this to end
For a chance to relive
To breath
To hope

But now it’s to late
It’s all gone
Nothing to stake

I have lost my chances
Gave them away
No one to hope for
No one to stay

I tried to wait
I tried to hope
But now it’s to late
There’s nothing left for me
No hopes to cling to

I’m gone
Far gone from all of you
I know I was to hold on
I couldn’t
Not for anyone, or anywhere
I am sorry
But this night
When the world mends
I leave to the light

Solid hopes
Turned to dust
When I wish
We where enough

I thought your love
Would capture me
But then the time ended
I could no longer wait

You love was already gone
I had no chance to survive the crash
No hope to live through the fall
I pulled myself as together as I could
But now it’s the end

Words of wisdom flow through my head
All those words said
Was to hold on
No one ever told me what to hold on to

So I tried I struggled
I tried and pulled
But there is no way for me to win

Everything is pulling me down
Pulling me back to my blade
The pain, the hate, the cruelty of heart

I should have known
I should have tried to dart it all
But now, I look towards my grave
I expected to live and be happier
But now it’s to late, I’m far to gone

The sun will never rise on me
The moon will always fall on me
When my grave is visited
It will be in the darkest doom

Because I pulled away
But never won the war
I hoped for love and help
Yet I never asked for more
How can I help you

I guess all I realized
Was just as fake as me
I told everyone I need nothing
But the love of my own heart beating
But how can I live with only that
My answer to you
I never planned to live like this for long

That’s why my blade has always been sharp
Why my heart has always been so cold
I knew one day my lies and hopes would crash down
This is that day, where I can no longer hold on

Where I can no longer pull off all my lies
Where I can no longer pull off my new self
My new self was a joke
Trying to seem so free and happy

I was fine before, never needing anyone
But now it’s far to late, to hang on
By the time I do this all
By the time my blade finds my skin

The world will already have forgotten me
All but a very few, who will survive after a while
So what do I expect
Nothing but a new form of freedom

This freedom I will hold upon my broken bleeding hands
Will be something I wished for, for thousand of years
I may never knew what I am in for
All I know is it’s what I need, crave want and feel