2006-06-07 Stefano: Lot of action. A little different, seeing the story as a narrative about the reader vs. a first-person type take. But interesting. Shame about the sword tho - losing an arrow is expected, losing a sword is like losing part of your arm. Still - nicely done. 2006-10-05 Stephen: Wow. I didn't even have my own writing page on watch. x.x 2011-08-04 Eleanor: Hi. This is very descriptive with many of the senses involved, and your attention to detail is minute. I can smell the forest, and hear the sounds. Very nice that way. However, your text is riddled with typos. It looks to me as though set the spell checker on it and never actually proofread it yourself. If you reread it carefully, you'll see what I'm talking about. I would be glad to help you with finding synonyms for words that you tend to overuse, like "forest" and "spider". Also, it would be cool if you described your protagonist a bit more at the beginning, because we don't know that he's wearing armour until almost half-way through when he raises his shield. These are just suggestions, but they will help your readers get the story better that you are trying to put across. 2011-08-05 Stephen: Why thank you. I appreciate both compliments and critiques. I'd be more than happy to accept any help that you may suggest. =o) [Stephen]: 38.The Forest
Rating: 0.00
You venture deeper into the forest and the sunlight is dimmed by the thickness of the treetops overhead. You can make out the moss on the trees, and the strange plants growing in it. You suddenly notice that it is quiet, very quiet, not even a bird chirp. You look around, looking for any sign of animal life and see none. You shudder slightly; it seems to be growing colder as well.
The horse seems to be getting nervous, it is making noises and is reluctant to continue ahead. You have to stop several times and pat the steed, and it slowly moves on. You continue on, and hear a slight…clickin
You are nearing the center of the forest, as far as you can tell. You smell something...ro
Suddenly, you hear a horrible grating sound, like fingernails across a chalk bored; it pierces your ears, seeming to make your head want to explode. You hold you hands over you ears, and your horse bolts away, lost in the forest. You are repulsed to see three spiders lower from the treetops, and god, they are spiders.
The spiders lunges at you, one of them shooting webbing. You raise your shield, and the web hits it, hard enough that you hear your shield crack. You quickly jump backwards, as a line of green acid is spat from a different spider.
You draw your bow and quickly cock an arrow, aiming at the one that has not made an action yet. You pull the string back, and release the arrow, watching as it hits the spider in the stomach. A think green acid begins to drip out of it, and it eats away at the plants as it drips unto them.
The spider makes another piercing sound, and it jumps off its webbing, right at you. You deftly move to the right, and it flies by you, hitting a tree with a solid thump. You draw another arrow, pull back the bowstring, and shoot at the same spider again. You hit it in the center of the head, and it squeals, and curls up, its legs twitching.
You feel a painful burning and see a line of green acid on you, burning into your flesh. You quickly remove your shirt and rub up the acid, and throw the shirt on the ground. You barley have the time to move as another streak of green acid almost hits you face, barely missing.
You put the bow away, and frantically begin to cast the spell shield. You wave your hands, and you mutter old arcane words. You feel a sudden rush, and a bright yellow barrier surrounds you. Another patch of webbing flies at you, but hits the spell and falls to the ground.
You wave your hands again, summoning the spell magic missile. You can feel the energy of pure and raw power flowing through you, and you shape it. You create two small, glowing pink orbs, floating in front of you. A second later, they both launch, plummeting into closest spider, and sending it flying back. You quickly draw your bow, and cock another arrow.
The remaining spider spits green at you, it hits your shield spell, and the spell shatters, knocking you back slightly. You catch yourself, and shoot an arrow, not at the one that broke the spell, but the one you hit with the magic missiles. The arrow hits it in the chest, and it begins to drip an acidic substance.
You begin to grasp another arrow, only to find out you have no more. You draw your long sword, ready to do melee battle with the last remaining spider. You charge at it, with your sword pointed outwards. You jump just before you get to it, and do a sweeping cut from above. You strike it true and well, almost severing it and half, and spilling its acidic blood on your sword and yourself.
You can feel searing pain; the acid is on your chest. You quickly rub it off, and look at your once prized long sword, now melting away... You sigh unhappily and go to look for your steed.
Thanks for the compliment though. I thought it would make it a bit different and interesting to make it a first-person. :)