[Veltzeh]: 39.The Heritage of Humankind.Tales from Kyerrion.19

Tegafel looked sadly at the galanfetzcan who was now combing eir hair. Ey was sitting waist-deep in a river and they had just managed to clean all of Tegafel's wounds once again. The water looked a bit bloody and small streams of blood flowed from the wounds, only to be mixed with the water a meter away from their source. Availon was on eir haunches.

The scenery at the bank of the river was pretty: the lands were clean and green, plants and trees were growing happily and the air felt warm. They heard some birds making noise in the trees. Availon was sweating and Tegafel occasionally took a handful of the cold river water to eir back.

Tegafel turned eir gaze downwards and then to the side. "Why did you help me?"

Availon was taken aback mentally, but did not show it. "I had no reason not to. And I thought you might have wanted to live in this world a while longer."

Tegafel seemed even sadder. "Why are you with me now?"

"Why not?"

Tegafel was quiet for some time while Availon continued combing eir hair. Tegafel liked the feel of it. "That just doesn't sound like much of a reason."

"Tegafel, you are a unique person like everyone else in all of Gomania. I would have saved and helped almost anyone, yes. Then I learned that I like you as a person. I accept you as you are and that I'm glad to be with you. I would like to continue doing that, but if you don't, we can go our separate ways."

"You don't really even know me. I haven't told anything of myself to you an' I haven't really thought about it either. Have you went that deep into my mind or what?"

"No. I can only speak for the part that I've seen of you."

"I wish I could trust you."

"I wish that as well." Availon stopped combing Tegafel's hair and instead immersed eir own body in the water and sat down next to Tegafel. Availon's hair looked very funny when it was flat. "I don't know how I could gain your trust." Tegafel immediately thought the answer to that: ey wanted to see that Availon was humane. However, that was not something one would just tell another person. Availon seemed too omniscient and omnipotent to Tegafel. "I would like to teach you how to protect your mind from far-walkers."

"Okay."

"Then I would like to tell a story about my childhood."

"Okay."

Availon taught Tegafel how to raise mental barriers, how to distract far-walkers and how to push them out. Other-walkers did have their edge: disorganization. If far-walkers could not make heads or tails of someone's mind, ey was safe for a while. Fear usually helped to keep the mind disorganized.

They finished their bath at the river and started moving again.

"When I was a child, I lived in a place east of here. It was so far to the east that day broke out sooner there than here. When there is morning here, there it would already be noon."

"How is that possible?" asked Tegafel, unsure of whether ey could believe Availon.

"I don't know, but it's not important. I lived there with my parents and siblings. I was seven years old and about this tall." Availon held eir hand at the level of eir navel. "That summer the jinhaliares came to my home. They killed most of us and drove the rest away because they couldn't catch us. Some of my siblings died."

"Why did they do that?"

"I don't know. The jinhaliares never needed a reason to kill us."

"Why do you hate each other?"

Availon was quiet for a while. "I wish there were peace between us." Tegafel did not speak, so Availon continued: "I asked the same from my alhem. Ey told me that the jinhaliares wanted the living space, even though they weren't very well adapted to the environment. It was too cold for them, like this climate is sometimes too hot for me." Tegafel glanced at Availon and saw that ey was sweating again. Eir shirt was wet.

"But do you actually know why?"

"...I'm not sure. But they do refuse all our attempts to negotiate peace."

"Have you ever really tried?"

Availon gave Tegafel a glare and started shouting in a fairly affronted manner: "I've tried all my life! Ever since they drove me out of my own home! They don't listen to a word I say! I hoped you would have been different! That you would have listened to reason!" Availon withdrew into eir own mind: something that far-walkers tended to do when angry and emotionally disconnected from their current link to the rest of humanity.

Tegafel thought it was odd that ey thought it strange that ey did not sense Availon's presence too clearly. Then again, ey was glad that ey had managed such a reaction out of the galanfetzcan because manipulating a far-walker in their own mind-game was an achievement by itself and a piece of proof of Availon's humanity. "Do you hate them only because they destroyed your home?"

"Do not speak to me."

"I'll speak to you now! Or are you saying you don't like me as I am? Because that'd jus—"

"I said I liked the part of you I had seen THAT FAR."

"Do you think you know me better now?"

Availon was quiet. Tegafel had only reinforced eir capability of logical deduction. Ey realized that what made em angry was because ey was acting on eir impulses. But who said eir impulses were wrong? All those ey had killed definitely did not approve of eir realization of eir impulses, but no one could say if they were wrong. It took a while, but Availon eventually said: "No, I don't." Ey smiled at Tegafel. "I don't hate them only because they demolished my home. But that is a part of it."

"Are you here because of that?"

"Well... yes. I came to femehan lands two years ago to explain how big a mistake you were doing by forming an alliance with jinhaliares."

"And the leaders didn't believe you?"

Availon was not going to tell Tegafel that the galanfetzcans had been driven out because the envoy team had been accused of cheating. "They drove me away. But I came back."

"Why did they drive you away?"

"They didn't trust me."

"Doesn't that mean that you're here illegally?"

Availon went silent again. Tegafel was getting way too nosy. Ey considered wiping the whole conversation from the femehan's memory, but figured that ey could try to explain emself. Tegafel might accept it and then no harm would be done, and if ey did not, Availon could still wipe eir memory. "Yes. I came back to kill all the powerful jinhaliares that were keeping up the relations here. And I admit, some powerful femehans who upheld the relations." Having heard that, Tegafel seemed to be unexpectedly cool.

"So you've been running around killing our leaders? In Adenelihe, I heard a rumor... That the whole royal family of the nation of Tarakiila had been killed. Is that true? Did you do that?"

"No, but I was behind it. I built the bomb that killed them."

Tegafel was quiet for a moment. "Do you understand how ridiculous this sounds? You're an assassin, a soldier going on a personal war to prevent potential nationwide wars."

"Is it not better to kill a few war-mongering people than to send countless of innocent soldiers to die in a war?"

"I... agree. But I'm a soldier, I joined the military an' it's my purpose to go to war."

"Why did you want to join the army? Do you want to go to war? Did you enjoy being beaten to pulp, seeing your friends die, getting raped in that filthy cage?"

Tegafel felt cornered and a little insulted, but ey was quite sure that Availon did not mean that so personally. "I wanted to get away from a personal war. You probably know that anyway. I don't really want to go to war. An' I wanted to prove that... that wacods can be soldiers too. That having kids isn't my only purpose."

"Personal reasons are usually moral. People just should not draw in people who don't wish to be drawn in."

"People's wants and needs will always conflict with those of other people..."

"That does not mean that they should not take care of it personally."

"Sometimes the needs of lots of people conflict with those of a big bunch of other people."

Now Availon felt cornered. "...Do you think that my goal or mission is wrong?"

"Why, do you care?"

"I do."

"...No, I don't think it's wrong. But I don't think killing our leaders is right, either. If I was an important femehan leader and supported the alliance with jinhaliares, would you kill me?"

"...I... I don't know." Availon was quiet for a moment. "I met some femehan leaders who I did not want to kill even though they supported the alliance. I didn't kill them."

"Did you have someone else kill them?"

"Once."

They walked along the road for another long moment.

"What will you do now?"

"I will ask you... whether you still want to travel with me."

"...I don't know."

"Can you make it on your own?"

Tegafel thought for a moment and became depressed. "I can't, I think." Ey thought for a moment. "I want to go back... to Adenelihe... an' find Krezagon and have them sort out that misunderstanding..."

"Do you know that they will treat you well?"

"They'll know that I didn't do it."

"What if the homehans demand that you be killed?"

"Do they have to be told that I'm alive?"

"So you will just go back to the army and fight for them? Let yourself get ravaged by enemies?"

"What else? I could stay in the next village an' do what, get ridiculed, married off to some trash an' made to have children? Or go with you, be a rebel and betray the military, my nation an' all femehans? They'd crush my spirit! They'd take away the only thing that I could ever claim as my own!"

"I can crush your spirit right here and now! You could do nothing to stop me!"

After Availon had said that, Tegafel smacked Availon straight across the face with eir fist. Ey saw the surprise in Availon's eyes and watched as the little galanfetzcan fell on eir back, whimpered and started bleeding from eir mouth. "You're gzoozzing right I couldn't, sharkeli. Why won't you crush my spirit?"

Availon tried to regain eir composure. "I-I don't want to. That... is a really h-horrible thing to do to anyone."

"I can kill you if you do nothing to prevent me from surprising you."

"Y-yes, you can."

They walked for two minutes and Availon tried to clean the blood from eir face. Then Tegafel sat down on one side of the road and started crying. Availon sat on the other side and cried as well. They cried and sobbed there for an hour while the weather remained unchanged: sunny and warm.

Eventually they stopped weeping and looked at each other as if seeing the other for the first time. They both were unsure and scared of the other and themselves.

"Tegafel... Can I trust you to... not kill me?" asked Availon with a quiet voice that was faltering, surprisingly.

"Can I... trust you to to tell the truth and keep away from my mind?" asked Tegafel in a teary tone.

"I will not tell you lies. I can promise to not read your mind to the extent that it is possible..."

"Then you can trust me to not kill you."

They got slowly up, picked up their bags, left and did not speak a word. Night came and they stopped walking, ate a little and started getting ready to sleep. Tegafel crawled into the tent and lay down. Availon entered after em and sat in front of em for two minutes, thinking.

Eventually Availon said: "I... I will sleep outside." Ey went outside and lay down under a tree. Tegafel was somewhat glad of it.



The night was cold and the morning chilly, or at least Tegafel thought they were. Ey did not see Availon shiver. When Werden climbed higher in the sky, the day became warmer and Availon started sweating again. The temperature rose higher than yesterday and even Tegafel noticed that Availon was very uncomfortable in the heat. They walked slower and Availon drank a lot of water. Tegafel thought about eir options for eir courses of action.

Tegafel could stay in the next town and learn how to cope on eir own. Ey did not want to start arguing with other femehans about how ey did not want to have children. Ey did not want to spend days explaining what had happened with Availon. Ey was afraid that far-walkers would probe and rape eir mind and still consider em a traitor.

Ey could turn back and head back to Adenelihe. Ey was not sure if ey could make it there on eir own since ey was not in a good condition and was very unsure of eir fighting skills. Ey felt a bit uncomfortable about leaving Availon alone, because when Tegafel was around, Availon seemed to be preoccupied with taking care of em, and Tegafel might actually be able to prevent em from killing more femehans.

Tegafel could stay with Availon. Ey could either go along with em or plan to betray em. Planning to betray a far-walker while in eir company was a direct invitation to mind-rape. Tegafel convinced emself to not do it, but did think—consciously even—that if ey ever got the chance, ey might do it. In reality ey of course wanted to betray no one and was depressed because Availon probably would not give up eir mission.

Eventually, Tegafel concluded that the best ey could do for now was to stay with Availon and try to prevent em from killing any more people. Ey also fleetingly thought of giving up life with other femehans altogether and eventually follow Availon to wherever eir home was, and though the thought of leaving "home" was disturbing, almost as disturbing was that Tegafel almost wanted to do it. At least the galanfetzcans would not force Tegafel to have or take care of children. Ey would probably be appreciated just as a person. Still, living as the only other-walker among far-walkers would be very uneasy.

"Availon..."

"Yes?"

"I think I'll come with you."

Availon went a bit quiet. Ey was aware of the general issues that Tegafel had been thinking about, but had kept eir promise and tried to not read eir mind. Ey did not want to know why Tegafel wanted to come with em. "I... Thank you."

After a pause, Tegafel asked: "What are you going to do?"

"...I don't know yet. I had not thought about it much yet. But I don't want to kill much more people. I don't want to set myself or you in that great a danger."

"You're not including jinhaliares in that 'people', are you?"

"Well, no, I'm not." Availon thought quietly for a moment. "I still do need to think about what I could do..."

Tegafel started thinking about Krezagon. Ey wanted to meet em and be with em, but that did not seem very possible or desirable since if Tegafel somehow reached Krezagon, ey would inevitably reach the army as well. Ey doubted Krezagon would agree with anything ey was doing at the moment. Ey did not want to tell Krezagon any of this or draw em into it.

They traveled the day and at night, when they had eaten and started setting themselves to sleep, Availon asked:

"Will you allow me to sleep in the tent today?"

"It's your tent."

"Yes... but... you need the shelter. I don't."

"I don't mind." Availon crawled into the tent. "I do wonder a bit why you want to sleep here though, since you're so hot anyway."

"Last night was cold. Tonight will be cold too; the sky is clear."

"You actually thought it was cold?"

"Yes."

"Well I'll be." Tegafel was a little astonished.

They slept together and were somewhat wary of each other, but did eventually fall asleep.



In the morning, after they had left, Availon shared eir plan:

"I think I would like to travel to the largest femehan nation we can find and see what they are planning to do."

"That's Fetormana. We should go east."

"I was in Fetormana last year... I don't think it was your main nation."

"What?"

"Tegafel, information is power. The head of an organization or empire is the organization's most powerful and resourceful member. When there are far-walkers and assassins around, any wise and intelligent person will not reveal where is the primary place of operations and who is leading and keeping everything in order. I think the most intelligent thing to do is to not have any supreme leader of everything. We galanfetzcans are like that. You aren't."

"Well... uh, that does make sense, but why are the jinhaliares boasting everywhere how powerful their main nation is and how great their Emperor is?"

"How do you know whether that is true? Maybe they're just telling you that."

"Oh..."

"Also, jinhaliares have enough far-walkers, strength and land-mass around that alleged supernation to keep away almost anything."

"Almost anything? What couldn't they keep out?"

Availon was quiet. "Us. If galanfetzcans went to war."

"You don't do war." Tegafel stated it as someone would state the current, perceived weather. Then ey grew aggravatedly confused. "Why don't you? You could stop them!"

"War is immoral. Jinhaliares' wars don't concern us directly. They can't kill us off. They can't handle the southern climate. They can do nothing with most of our lands."

"Maybe they will one day."

"An attack on a community every 14₈ years is a smaller bother than a war encompassing every single person."

"Is a war now a bigger bother than if your race dies off in 4000₈ years?"

"That can't be known."

"Somebody should think about it."

"I think someone did in a galanfetzcan high council once, but it wasn't even taken seriously."

They walked quietly for some time.

"I thought we could go northwest to the Great Lake-like Forest Ocean and travel north across it. When I was in Fetormana, I got the impression that north of it resided another really big nation."

"But... Fetormana is east of us. Or southeast. Shouldn't we turn around and go through Kattormala, if that big nation's north of Fetormana?"

"I don't think I should go to Kattormala."

Tegafel went quiet for a moment. "Oh, did you kill a lot of people there too?"

"No. I... I just ran through it. We were almost caught red-handed in Fetormana. We crossed the Watery Mountains last winter because we were in such a hurry to get away from there."

"What? You crossed the Watery Mountains in WINTER?"

"Yes." Availon remembered Johelta's death and the song Tarkavinel had sung. A few tears dropped from eir eyes and even Tegafel realized that ey should not push Availon to tell about it. The thought of Tarkavinel made Availon progressively sad for reasons ey could not grasp and after a while ey had to stop and cry for an hour. Tegafel was confused but did not disturb Availon.

Eventually Availon managed to get emself together. Ey was not about to start walking yet, however. "There's something wrong with me. A week or so before I met you, I became excessively depressed and discomforted. I don't know why. This feels almost similar, but not quite."

"Why did it happen now?"

"I... I don't know. I was thinking of a... one of the rebels with whom I crossed the mountains."

"Maybe something bad happened to em?"

"I could not have sensed anything like that. That rebel's spirit was unreachable... if I hadn't spent so much time with em, I'd have sworn ey was dead. Maybe ey was nevertheless."

"Who was ey?" Availon cried out again. "I'm sorry. I won't talk about it."

Availon spent another half an hour sobbing before ey was ready to get up and travel again. They took a distinct turn off the road and headed west now.

"Once we reach the Great Lake-like Forest Ocean, we will travel north. Then we'll come ashore and continue east. Then... I think we can travel along the Great River, but I'm not certain. But we will eventually reach the nation. We might have to cross mountains..."

"It's going to take a long time, isn't it?"

"Yes. I haven't seen home in a long time..."

Tegafel felt a bit sorry for Availon, em being so far away from home and not even having anyone of eir own race to talk to.

They walked for a long time and thought of their own things. Tegafel mostly concentrated on what would happen if they got caught and was quite worried. Ey did not wish or intend to betray other femehans, but ey did not think the others would necessarily see the things that way. It worried em considerably.

They stopped somewhat earlier that day, since walking off the road was fairly exhausting. They ate and started setting up the tent.

"What will happen to me if they catch us?" asked Tegafel.

Availon was quiet for a moment. "I don't know. I would think that even femehan far-walkers know that even if people think about a lot of things, it doesn't mean that they would do it. You wouldn't betray your people. But you would have collaborated with me."

"It worries me so much..."

"There's a very effective way around it, though. I doubt you would like it much."

"Oh?"

"It involves modifying your mind..."

Tegafel indeed did not like the idea much, but also did not say no right away. "What kind of modifying?"

"First I would make very slight and small changes, to make you not want any part in what I'm doing. Then I would make more obvious changes to make you accept what I'm doing and work for my goal. Then, if we're caught, the femehan far-walkers would of course examine your mind, and they would find the obvious changes I made. They would unravel the modifications and deduce that I had only brainwashed you to do my bidding. I'm nearly certain that nothing more would be done to punish you after that, you might even be compensated."

Tegafel still did not vehemently oppose the idea. "But then... I'd go on believing that I did not want any part in this thing with you? What if they find out those modifications too?"

"They would have to assign several very skilled far-walkers to do that. I'm very good at this and I trust my abilities. And yes, you would go on thinking that you never wanted to execute my mission with me... but in the case that they kill me, that would probably be best anyway."

Tegafel thought for a moment, seeing the logical chain of events. "Yeah... yeah. But... they would kill you?"

"I don't know... They might. Or they might not... I don't think they would want to anger galanfetzcans. Of course they wouldn't know that killing me wouldn't really anger the others..."

"How? Won't they scan your mind as well?"

"I'm able to hide parts of my mind under layers and layers of blocks. Far-walkers always have several of them in their minds. True, I can't access the information either, but I can dig it out eventually. I'm much more skilled than regular femehan far-walkers; I'm quite sure I'll be fine."

"What if they have jinhaliares do it?"

Availon went silent. "Well... Uh, I've set my mind to self-purge if skilled jinhaliares dig too deep. There is a chance that it might not work, but most likely it will. It's really bad if things come to that... but at least the information will not fall into wrong hands."

They sat in front of the tent, looking at each other and their surroundings.

"It... doesn't sound completely bad. You know." Tegafel sounded very uncertain.

"You'll have time to decide. However, the sooner I make the changes, the more believable they will be. But I doubt it will make any difference until we have finished our trip on the Great Lake-like Forest Ocean, at least.

"Mhm."

They traveled northwest.