2007-04-12 Fireheart: I like it. Great use of metaphors. 2007-04-19 Lanrete: Thanks! 2007-04-27 Eleanor: This is very good. You have a very good grasp of English and you use it well. I’m going to nit pick a bit though. 2007-05-25 Lanrete: Thanks again! Definitely going to fix those. [Lanrete]: 546.Werewolf
Rating: 0.00
I was walking through the midnight forest, with a strange sense of urgency running through my body. It was as though someone were watching me, lurking in the deep shadows. A huge moon dipped the scene in silver. My pale skin seemed to radiate light. Suddenly, something stepped soundlessly out from behind a majestic old maple tree. I realized with a shiver of terror that it was a wolf, and a beautiful specimen at that. To my immense surprise and discomfort, it began to speak in a soft whisper that was almost as silvery as the moon itself, and yet reverberated so loudly through my head that he may as well have shouted.
“Eternally, you shall be as I.
Binding you forever to these sacred ways is the full moon,
Calling you out to reveal your true form.
This is a pact that cannot be broken,
Sealed as it is by your blood on my teeth.
Consider yourself blessed,
For you are a predator!”
A tiny spasm of fear ran up my spine, and I felt colder than I had ever felt before. The wolf stalked toward me. I almost screamed, but my knowledge of wild animals held me back. A scream would only frighten the creature into harming me. As if it wasn’t already going to…
Suddenly, the wolf lunged. I was frozen, not from fear this time but from some external force. The beast did not go for my throat, but for my hand. Almost lovingly, it bit me, painlessly breaking the skin.
I felt myself begin to transform. An itch came from inside of my body, in the region of my heart, and before ten seconds had passed, it was all over me, crawling below my skin like a thousand biting insects. Falling into the tall, soft grass, I began to roll around. Without realizing it, I howled and yelped, as if that would drive the agony of the itch from my transforming body.
As suddenly as it began, it was over. I tried to put my hands underneath me to heave myself up as I always did, and found that they were no longer hands. I looked up, and the little color the moonlight had lent to the scene before was gone. In its place was a torrent of smells, which my brain began to sub-consciousl
At that moment, the receding part of my brain that was still human had a full knowledge of the creature I had become. The rest of me was given to the wolf that my body now was, and I threw myself into it with abandon.
The rest of that night, I roamed the orchard and the woods and fields of the small town in which my human self resided, reveling in the majestic, fearsome body and mind the speaking wolf had given me. When my instinct told me that dawn was flying swiftly toward the town on golden wings, I returned to the front lawn of the place where I had lived as a human, and lay down to sleep the day away. When the first tendrils of dawn gently awoke me, I was human. I was in exactly the same place I had lain down the night before, and my human body was curled into the same wolflike pose. At the moment consciousness returned, I knew the night before had not been a dream. It had not been a nightmare.
I was a werewolf.
At that exact moment, my life changed forever. For better or for worse has yet to be determined, but I was never the same again. I never will be. Ever.
“It was as though someone were watching me, lurking in the deep shadows.” This is a classic use of the subjunctive mood.
“The huge moon cast a silvery glow to the scene, making my pale skin seem almost to radiate light itself.” This sentence is awkward. You probably also felt that way, but didn’t know what to do about it. The moon could cast a silvery glow on the scene, not to it. It could lend a silvery glow to the scene, though. Here’s how I would rewrite this sentence: The huge moon cast a silvery glow over the scene, making my pale skin appear to radiate light itself. Just a suggestion.
Last thing: “gold-gilded wings” is redundant. If it’s gold, it’s gilded, it has to be gold. Just golden wings would work beautifully here. It’s a lovely image. And while I’m at it, you’ve used the word human several times in succession. It might be a good idea to find some other way to express what you mean there.
Okay, apart from all these criticisms, which really are nit picking, you must admit, this is really good. Nice work.