[Chimes]: 564..Crimson Red Smile

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Created:
2006-08-11 16:45:58
Keywords:
GCSE Original Writing
Crimson Red Smile.
Style:
short story
A smile, crimson red coming through the darkness, illuminated by the strobe lights from within. The hoards of people dancing in their shallow innocence. Beat; pumping, grinding in the air. The melody soft and yet so fierce. In the cascading darkness the people seemed at one, joined by the music. Smoke, cigarettes being lit, the strong smell of tobacco rising through the crowd. The sound of soft paced steps could hardly be heard over the drone, stiletto heels would be heard like the cracking of a whip if not for the constant babbling of the over eccentric DJ. Looking around herself at the tumbling bodies as they swayed drunkenly. Despite the gawping faces of the ever growing crowd she was completely calm. Dead set on her task. Waiting, just waiting. Each piece of the puzzle had to fall exactly in its place; there was no room for imperfection. It had to be perfect. She tapped her foot to the rhythm of the music patiently; patience was a virtue, one of which she had perfected. A paper lay on the bar; she glanced at the headline and smiled. ‘Terror on Track Six’.

She looked out of a window towards the back of the bar, swaying her hips as she did so. The weather was bleak; rain, the sky deep purple readying itself for a storm. The weather outside did not dampen the atmosphere within however, inside the club it was as if the sun was shining and all was well in the world. The people seemed so happy and yet they were so clueless as to what was going on inside many a persons head. Rows of bottles were lined up along one wall, bottles filled with many different alcoholic concoctions meant to heal your soul. One of which was absinth, the drink of the green fairy, causing its drinkers to have all kinds of hallucinations. She smiled at the thought. The masses of lights reflected off the bottles making patterns across the opposite walls. It seemed to hypnotise the dancers. Everyone was in a state of calm, even the air was calm as the DJ continued to babble.

As the door open she glanced over at the figure that had entered. He had a ring on his thumb, it glinted in the light. He walked in further not quite into the crowd. He didn’t dance just nodded his head to the beat, laughing at another man, who seemed to be trying to dance but failing miserably. His hair was somewhat long, tied neatly in a pony tail at the back of his head. His eyes glinted with happiness. He seemed to be playing with his fingers, like he wanted to do something but didn’t know what it was. His black shirt was unbuttoned to the bottom of his chest. His chest was tanned and golden. A silver necklace hung from his neck, the dragon at the end sparkled in the lights. A slow song crept out of the speakers as the crowd took out their lighters and swayed with the music. She glanced back at him he was having trouble lighting his own lighter. Each flame flickered in unison. When he finally managed to light it all of the club lights went out so that only the flames lit the room, the crowd sang, but it didn’t really sound like singing, more like yelling. The song finished. The lights came back on and the lighters were out. She looked back at the man he was walking towards the bar. He stopped at the bar talking to the bartender. He looked in her direction and she smiled. After a few seconds she stood up and walked out of the door. He followed. She knew he would.

She walked to a door and let herself in. After a few moments she heard a knock. She smiled and opened the door saying nothing. Temptation. She knew he would let temptation take over. He was a typical male, always tempted to do something that isn’t necessarily right. That is what separated them. She knew what she was doing he did not. Spur of the moment. She signalled him to sit down, he did so, willingly. She poured him a drink slipping a white powdery substance into it. He drank it, willingly. A few minutes later the tranquilisers had taken effect. He lay unconscious on the floor. She waited patiently for him to wake, not an ounce of fear upon her. It wasn’t long before he woke. Looking up at her. She looked back at him, her eyes, once so warm, now seemed harsh and cold. She pulled a tube of crimson red lipstick from the pocket of her tight, figure-hugging leather jacket. Tracing her finger over her lips as if teasing her victim. Or maybe making him want more. She slipped the lid off of the lipstick and applied it so that it wasn’t even slightly smudged. It had to be perfect, like she was. She flipped back her bleached blonde hair, standing up. Looking towards the stereo she smiled. Pulling a CD from the shelf, she put it on skipping to Track Six. She swayed her hips to the beat of the slow, enchanting music as she walked towards him. She traced her hand down the side of his face, whispering in his ear as she did so. ‘I love you’. As quick as the lightning that flashed in the sky she pulled a small machete out of her boot. Slitting his throat. Once again she pulled the lipstick from her pocket. On his cheek she drew a heart, in the heart she wrote the letters, L and K. Love Kills. She had satisfied this night’s lust for killing.

She took a tissue from her victims’ pocket, wiping her machete clean of his blood. Taking care not to get any on her black, lacy gloves. Track six played over and over like a stuck record, its lyrics pulsing through the air. She placed her now clean machete back in her boot standing up to take one last look at her work, smiling. With the next flash of lightning she slinked like a cat into the night.

A smile crimson red coming through the darkness illuminated by the strobe lights within….

Terror on track six.

2008-03-30 Tyr Zalo Hawk: The first two paragraphs are the kind of stuff that makes me want to read books. they're absolutely amazing, captivating, and truly brilliant (in every sense of the word). I love it.

But, after that you sort of fade off of it, and it's a real stab in the neck <.< if you ask me. You start doing the 'he did'... 'and he' 'SHe..' 'He...' he and she and he everything and it bothers the crap out of me >.< I mean it's not all bad, you still do very well, and make the audience want more but... it's all just not the same as the first two paragraphs.

Either way, I still do like the story. Keep it ups.


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