[Taylor]: 628.Poetry.Spring joys

Rating: 0.65

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Taylor

Created:

2007-04-23 19:50:15

[Taylor]: 628.Poetry.What you left behind

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[Taylor]: 628.Poetry

[Taylor]: 628.Poetry.Exausted

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Beautiful Day today

On a day like this you just don’t bother
Trying to concentrate next to a snoring father

Not too hot nor too cold,
Wishing these days would never grow old

The screen door opens with such ease
Feeling a soft subtle breeze

The birds sing sweet melodies
That flows through the air and out of the trees

soon the dog's fast asleep sprawled across my leg
Laughing because he’s too stubborn to get up, I almost had to beg

Looking up at the clouds and making shapes
Wondering what’s next to take place

The sun giving me a smile
One that hasn’t been seen upon my lips in such a long while

It’s why days like these should never pass
But it seems that days like these never seem to last

2010-12-05 Annie: This is so great! It has a wonderful laid back, small town feel. I also think the white space is working really well for you here; it makes each set of lines feel like a new and separate revelation. It makes me eager for warmer weather. The line "Wishing these days would never grow old" is pleasantly echoed in the closing lines, "It's why days like these should never pass / But it seems that days like these never seem to last."
Just a couple notes...In the lines, "The birds sing sweet melodies / That flows through...," flows should be flow, since melodies is plural. Also, feels like the line "One that hasn't been seen upon my lips in such a long while" is just a little long in comparison to the line right before it, which makes it kind of awkward.
Such a wonderful poem, I really love it.