2006-08-01 dmeredith: Pretty good start. I might prefer just a scooch my detail about Kiral in the initial description since he is the main character (i.e. how old does he look, what's he wearing, what is his mood like, etc) other than a few typos however, it looks like a good start. (sorry its taken me so long to read BTW) 2006-08-06 Metal Tsubasa: Thank you very much. I'm so bummed though, cause I can't seem to find the original word documents for any of this.[Metal Tsubasa]: 95.The Story of Kiral Ilya.Opening
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Sounds from the village coming to life flooded the young man’s ears while he stood shaking and gasping for breath. He was unable to be like those in the village, with his condition as it was, Kiral couldn’t make money so he had to look for help elsewhere.
“Kiral?” a timid voice came from inside just before the door opened.