I am Squirrel Avocado, master of cookies!

I went to Albertson's today and bought cookie mix, then made about two dozen cookies and went around offering them to random people. No one could resist!!

Bow to me!!!

It is I, she who spreads happiness and chocolate!

Also, Swar told me that he got an 'A' on the paper I edited for him! I was so very happy to hear this. Because you see, yesterday I decided that I am on a spiratual journey of my soul. I have been very miserable as of late, and I was only truely happy cleaning mountains of dishes in preperation for the I-House pancake breakfast. I felt so ALIVE!!
I am happiest when:
-dancing
-helping people
-making people laugh

It is now my goal to continuously help people and make them happy. It makes me happy. And when I'm busy bakign cookies for people or helping them make the wording in their essays flow better or making them laugh, I have no time to be miserable. I have no time to look in the mirror and marvel at how ugly I am.
In fact, I feel so beautiful when I'm happy.

Sure, there were some really low points today as I walked to the store. But I shook it off, thinking of the cookies I was going to bake.

Everyone loved the cookies. And seeing them smile as I offered them one... what a happiness!

I'm on the down part of the roller coaster again. Heading down, down, down. But I have my big brother to cheer me up, and I have a brownie. Earlier I had one of those "who am I?" moments, but it passed.

My life is a constant roller coaster. Two days ago, I was plunging down into a wicked spiral. Today I am climbing to the top again.

So.

I asked Kumiko, out of the blue: "If you could be any instrument, which one would you be and why?" Then I proceeded to ask this question of everyone I was talking to online.
This morning, I wrote a poem about my answer. I encourage anyone who wants to think about their answer and write about it in some form.

If I could be any instrument...

I'd be a drum set in the corner of some kid's room.
A little battered, but loved.
With a pair of sticks crossed over my snare
And a sock dangling over my cymbal,
I'd sit in the corner of that room.
Then the kid would come home
Throw his books on the bed,
Kick off his shoes,
And sit on the chair that squeaks when it swivels.
And then, the music.
A great ruckus of organized chaos
As he pounds out his emotion,
Venting
Celebrating.

This came to me while I was cleaning the kitchen. I happened to have a pen stuck in my hairtie, but no paper. So I had to scribble it down on a napkin. See if you get it.

Untitled

Oh cruel, bitter paranoia!
This from which I suffer...
Non!
This is no habit of mine...
Which of my enemies has told you this?
I am perfectly aware of my surroundings...

And I know there are things going on behind my back!

I hate hurting people. Now, I may be a self-centered brat sometimes, but I care about the people close to me.
I have a best friend who I love very much. I can talk to her about anything and everything.
I have another friend whose opinions I deeply respect. I love her, too.
Then I have another friend who I can talk to about little things. I always feel better after talking to her.
And I have a big brother who sometimes makes me mad, but I love him anyway.

***

Xnat tlu biu mal'ai!

I was supposed to be studying Japanese, but I ended up writing another poem. Funny how that works.

Xnat tlu biu mal'ai...

I hate word problems. I really do. I hate the logic. Strange, since I fear most of my dreams and they have no logic at all. At least not after I wake up.

Xnat tlu biu mal'ai

Usstan brorn vel'bol deis orn doer ulu uns'aa dal l' wussrun'wa orbb nindel lays ilta eggs wun ussta haren. Sila uns'aa nau myar omens. Sila uns'aa v'dri.

Strange... I'm getting into poetry all of a sudden.

I'll be leaving tomorrow. Back by Sunday.

Here's a list of things I'm happy about.

1. RP with my friends
2. dark chocolate
3. going home this weekend
3. Michael
4. winamp
5. the San Jose Basilica
6. having Kumiko for a roommate
7. comics!
8. over 7000 hits on my fanfic Two Birds With One Stone
9. apple-scented room spray
10. Japanese class

Some days I'd take the nightmares over the best dreams with you in them.

There's a few people out there who understand me when I say that one of my RP characters has been bothering me lately.
Usually, when I'm not playing with them, I imagine them floating freely through the internet, sleeping.
But Skye, like me, hates sleep. Even before it started giving me trouble, he saw it as a waste of time. I sort of ended his story just as he was ready to start living for himself and not the curse of bearing that sword and running from his brother. I thought he had something to look forward to. I let him give up the sword, free himself of his brother, and go where he wanted to go.
I really want to play with him again, but I don't know how to start again.

I really hate sleep.

Hell. Yes, I've contemplated it. It makes perfect sense. And no. The answer is always no.

Just woke up from a nap. I hate naps. While I sleep the government zaps away thoughts that could one day turn me into a terrorist. At least that's my theory.

Whenever I wake up, I'm in a bad mood. As of late, I mean. This didn't used to happen. Maybe it started over the summer. No. It happens whenever I'm in love.

Because I wake up to the reality of my life without that person because I'm too much of a coward to tell him that I care.

What a fool I am.

Fool. Coward. Idiot. Human.

Been a while since I blogged here. Or even came here. Stuff has happened. Shit has happened. I've been living day by day as best I can. I win some, I lose some. Threw a few punches, took a few hits. Got my heart broke, fell in love. You know the drill. It's been life.

Well.
I hope I did that right. If you care, go to my writings and see if you can read "In the Mud", prologue to this story I've started writing.

Also, I've made a poll if you're interested.

Both Skye and I decided to do some heavy drinking tonight. Except I'm drinking juice, and he's drinking wine. At least he's finally helped his brother. Nothing left for him now. Cheers.

I made a poll.

*First Blog Dance*

Okay, now that that's done. Oro... When I went to Nightshadow's presentation... there was a note at the top that said "This is the person who invited me to Writersco". Pretty chizz.
Man, I'm gonna have to start writing some more just to keep up here. I've got to figure out how to post my writing on here so I can get "Scroll" on here. Hopefully that'll inspire me to finish that first chapter I've been working for months on.

It seems very quiet here. Kind of a good thing, I guess.