Okay so in addition to what I posted last time in this blog, I was trying to decide between two titles:

Conjugal Visits
or
Dark but Lustrous

I will have to finish writing it, but here's the down low:

---

A young girl, about 18 years old. Her parents split and she had to choose which to live with. Choosing neither, her parents set her up in an upper middle class apartment in a nice part of the neighborhood. She doesn't feel comfortable in it and she doesn't exactly fit into that kind of lifestyle.

She still watches Saturday morning cartoons with a large bowl of cereal. She decides to call her mother.

"I can't talk right now, your step dad and I are picking out drapes for the living room."
"I don't want to hear about John (or whatever his name will be)."
"Well I'm sorry Emily but you can't avoid him or our lifestyle forever. He's your stepfather, get used to it. Don't underestimate me I know what I'm doing. ... Now I have to go, we're meeting up with the salesman now. I'll call you later."

Her mother hangs up, then she will go for a walk around downtown. She'll take the bus and overhear some conversations in the mall between a mother and her daughter, talking about very trivial things. She'll look enviously on their relationship.

In a coffee shop (probably before the bus/downtown mall scene), she will see a girl and her boyfriend sitting and having a conversation. She will politely avert her eyes, but look on every now and then as she waits for her order. When she gets her order she will sit back to them, or will leave quickly. I haven't decided yet.

A few other things will happen as she makes her way across town. Maybe one or two things, bits of conversations and such. Afterwards, she will enter a funeral home (the final destination). The woman or man will look up from the desk and s/he'll say, "Are you Emily?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"The stone is half-engraved but you can see it early if you'd like."
"This is just a conjugal visit. I don't need to see what else he's going to be lying under."

Figurative and not necessarily to be taken in a necrophiliac connotation. More like, "I'm just here to see if I can get fucked over again even after he's dead." But we're not sure if the guy is dead or dying.

Um. Thoughts?

Dark but lustrous, the city glowed with an uneven, hazy, cloudy light. The breaking dawn of the fluorescent lights broke even on her forehead, stirring her, slowly, into wakefulness.

Murmuring to herself, she roused from the bed, slipping from beneath the lime green sheets and stumbling away.

She walks out of her apartment, turning to lock it before tucking her keys away in her bundled jacket.


---

I'm going to be turning this into a screenplay later. I just... need to dream more.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, blinking at her from bleary eyes.

Taryn’s eyes widened slightly, a look of stone passing over her features. “No where. The bathroom.”

Geez.

And the CD came! At last! Finally! Rejoice! Hooray! Huzzah! Let the bells toll out in dulcet tones!

It came, to my absolutely divine surprise, four days earlier than expected.

The CD is called Infinity on High by Fall Out Boy.

While people like to diss FOB and call them nothing but a bunch of emo kids, I would have to say that that isn't true. While the bassist is probably the "emo" one, the others are just geeks/nerds. Patrick especially. The bassist is the only one with suicidal tendencies.

The CD is fresh, it's new, and it's sturdy. I don't want to skip any tracks, but there are some I can't stop listening to. There's even love songs on here. It's amazing! And inspirational.

I have been trying to survive January (which was a horrible month, by the way), and migrate into February with high hopes of this CD. I am so glad it was not a letdown. But, it didn't even occur to me that it would be.

I'm sorry that the CD leaked weeks before it was even released. I didn't download it. The only songs I had previously were two of their singles, The Carpal Tunnel of Love and This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race. I waited to listen, and I am so happy for it.

I fell asleep listening to their music and I dreamt of another screenplay. I have been writing screenplays a lot lately, mostly turning old stories of mine into them. My teacher wants to submit some to some Sundance Festival thing and see how they do, but I doubt I will get anywhere with that.

Anyway, this CD is simply amazing. Go buy it. Even if you're, like, 35. Buy it. I was playing it earlier and my mom even liked it (but she kept having to ask what he was saying). It was weird, but humbling.

I will be cleaning my writing section to make it easier to navigate. It's just too difficult to deal with all those categories when you're looking for one specific story.

Hopefully I will be able to get more active with WC, because I love this community so much.

23 days until full blown inspiration comes.

I love that band.

My story has no plot, but I finally put some humor into it.

An excerpt:

Shivering, she stepped out of her apartment, locking the door with shaking hands and some difficulty. The iPod she wore around her waist, her earphones secure and her feet aching for movement. With a deep, shuddering breath, she ran down her stairs and turned left; not normal for her, as she usually went right, into the city.

She ran from the city for whatever reason; because of regrets or because she didn’t want to smile. The darkness enveloped her and she felt the sting in her ankles as the heat of her body overtook the cold. Her blood pumped wildly in her veins and she felt suddenly excited and exalted, ready to take on any battles. The music in her ears drummed a heavy, inspiring beat, and she ran all the faster for it, her fingernails biting her palms and her teeth grinding to fight the exhaustion. Taryn was not ready to lose the battle.

She rounded the corner of a bakery sharply, and was met full force with another person. Her nose met full force with the person’s chest, or what she thought was a person’s chest. She fell back onto the ground, her nose freely bleeding. She touched the warm liquid gushing from her, blinking the white, dazzling lights from her eyes, up at the so-called ‘victim’.

He was carrying a box and he threw it down and ran to her, asking if she was okay. She removed her naked hand and saw it covered in blood, and then felt her nose. Bruised, bleeding, but not broken, she decided. The person she had run into was a dock handler; he was piling boxes into a truck and she had run full-force into a crate full of calculators.

Her eyes hurt and it was difficult to blink properly. She heard someone moaned and realized a moment later that it was her. She sat up as the man patted her to wakefulness. She frowned and then winced in pain, tears swelling slightly in her eyes.

“Why the hell were you running like that?” the man asked her.

With a dazed expression she looked back at him. “What kind of question is that?”

He frowned and lifted her to her feet. “What do you mean, ‘What kind of question is that?’ I was just minding my own business!”

Taryn felt for her nose to make sure it had not fallen off, then wobbled on her feet before leaning against the building. She looked up and read, “Bittersweet Bakery.”

“I mean…” she swallowed blood, gulping. “Why are you loading calculators into a bakery?”

“Well, uh… I read the directions wrong, see. Sometimes I get a little confused. Dyslexia, I can’t really help it.”

“Maybe you should get your addresses written in numbers and not letters.”

“I didn’t ask for any sass and can’t help my disease. There’s no need to be cruel.” He bristled before turning away to pick up his crate. He looked at it and commented, “You left a swell mark in the wood, though.”

----

The irony of a dyslexic man loading crates of calculators into a bakery because he read directions wrong just tickles me pink.

I'm writing for NaNoWriMo. Be prepared not to see me for a while.

I follow very closely to what the lead singer of Fall Out Boy, Patrick Stump, does. It's not an obsession. It's not a serial killer kind of thing. It's not even really a fan-girl thing. Screw the other band members; I just want to know what Mr. Stump is doing.

I think Patrick Stump is the best looking of the group. I have a thing for the slightly-chubby red headed guys, as long as they are broad. But aside of that, he has a great smile. The rest of them are too... skinny. However, there is one very important trait that makes me leer after Patrick Stump, and that is...

His voice.

Some may think the lead singer of Panic! at the Disco has a good voice (whatever the hell his name is), but they are wrong. His voice is nice and smooth with just a bit of a treble to it, but where's the real emotion? It's just a bunch of notes off a page. That is obvious.

So, I follow closely to see what Mr. Stump has been up to; specifically, I don't care much of his personal life. I care more for his career and what songs he has sung in recently. He's probably got a girlfriend and is completely happy. Well break my damn heart. He's 21-22ish and I'm 17. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Doesn't mean I can't enjoy his voice and his development. From his first 'big' CD, that being Take This To Your Grave, his voice was still being formed. It was hesitant. It was weak. It was gorgeous.

Then, in FUCT, he was better. He sounded more like the guy from P!ATD, but with a more manly voice and less "I'm just doing this to impress you". His voice was strong, it was ready. It was beautiful.

Since FUCT, I have been in love with the band. I was for their first CD, but it wasn't the gut-wrenching emptiness in the pit of my stomach as it holed up into an electric ball of excitement that FUCT gave me.

Fall Out Boy is not my 'type' of band. I do enjoy punk rock and alternative, but the emo stuff and pop punk does not appeal. Okay, your mother died and your father left you. At least you didn't have to go through what Shasta did. Get over it.

The reason why I like Fall Out Boy so much is because OF Patrick Stump. I have a serious reaction to his action (that being, his voice). His progression over time has been amazing. His new songs he sings in... put simply, gives my ears an orgasm to listen to. Especially in "Don't Wake Me Up" with The Hush Sound.

I get goosebumps. I get shaky. I get breathless. This is a good voice. This is what makes the song. This is what I love so much. This is a song that can belong to any kind of music, it being rap, emo, hardcore, new age... whatever. It fits.

Should I ever be able to ask Mr. Stump face to face about how he feels about being a singer... I would feel so lucky. I don't need to marry him. I don't need to fuck him. I don't even need to touch him. A conversation would more than appease me. That, or a song called, 'Emily'. That isn't about heartbreak.

So there, you have my explanation. The first musical voice that could make me feel sick, make my knees water, and put that empty feeling in my stomach... and make me love it. Patrick Stump.

[Mitul] is my soulmate.

I'm sick. :(

I ache.

I need chocolate.

That is all.

Hmph. I remember being happy. Good times, those.

It's so rare now. Sex doesn't make me happy. Boys don't make me happy. I seem to be blowing through life with no regrets and no remorse. Fuck anything that moves and break any heart I can. Tear up lives and hope for the best.

I think I just want everyone to love me, but I don't want to return any of that love.

How much messed up can I get?

Intelligent, witty, quirky, beautiful, what have you. I abuse myself and myself likes it and then hates myself afterwards, and then I fight amongst myselves.

I want to go in one direction. Happy, carefree, no worries, good grades, a good boyfriend.

I want to go in another direction. Brutal, remorseless, a new boy every week, filling the pockets of curiosity and honestly answering myself, "Is he any good in bed?"

I feel one direction is for the lying good girl in me and the other is for the honest slut in me.

I don't know if I love him anymore...

But I do.

It's Good Emily versus Bad Emily again.

I want to go on a roller coaster ride...

But, first, burn me in the fires of my own confusion.

So tired of this "It's only good if you wrote it with a broken heart" crap... ugh. Emos! Everywhere! Write something happy!


HAPPY!

... HAPPY I SAY!

"You are not worthy of any of the seven depths of Hell."

Bruises covered the soft flesh of her body. Her skin wept tears of blood and tried to heal itself. The welts left on her back and neck had been red and burning hot.

That is how I remember her. Beaten, but still strong; dented, but still straight. Her eyes focused on nothing, clouds echoing in the depths of them in horrible memory. Mouth twitching to repress the cries, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration, trying to keep the past away from the present, fingers fidgeting with the button of her jeans, trying to stay out of imaginary trouble. Her feet planted firmly, holding up the rest of her structure in prideful arrogance.

Shivering like she was cold, whimpering at loud noises and raised voices. She was so far away from me. She would not break.

The map before me had been drawn on. Lines upon lines, curved and straight, thick and thin, they led to different places but came from the same location. Though I was miles away from her, I could still smell the salty tears on her face; taste them on the tip of my tongue, where I would lick them up from her neck. She would drown in her own sorrow if not for me.

She had done nothing wrong.

Who else spent 4th of July and the three days after it hurling into their toilet?

Didn't think so. Life sucks.

If you cut yourself, I DON'T CARE, don't go pushing it into my life!

... grr.

I got inspiration, now I just need motivation...


Love... hate... roar.

Nooow I get to do the fun thing and give excuses!

I've been first, extremely busy with school. It is testing time, and although I do not have to take the standardized tests this year or next, I have 'block hours' for school -- meaning I take about 2 hour long classes each day. And with all that, comes a -ton- of homework, busy work, and projects.

I've also been focusing on my car. The Jeep I'm driving is having a few problems, and my insurance is acting funny. And lately, I've been having some allergic reactions to -something-, but we don't know what, yet. I have to go to the doctor's to find out!

Add that with some personal stress of life with boys, friends, and overall ... stuff... let's just say we have a very busy Emily who wishes she could magically make more time!

I should be returning more regularly over the next two weeks, and then I am being shipped off to my dad's on the 1st of April for about a week, for Spring Break. I think he has Internet, but I'm not sure... if he does, it's slow, so I won't be using it much.

Whew. Okay. I hope that explains somewhat of my absence...

Sin of Lust Results is now up. Congratulations to all contestants!!

My apologies for not being more active in WC... I will be soon, after I get my research paper half-done and once my life gets put together.

We are trying to work out cars and insurance and all before I'm really allowed to drive, since my mom's car isn't working. I can't be put on my father's insurance until I manage to get into Oklahoma. We are hoping that will happen in the first week of April instead of mid-June.

Oh well. Less chance for me to get in an accident if I just don't drive... wewt.

I scored an 89. He graded tough and I suck at right hand turns. :(