Okay, I have something that I feel the need to admit to someone for some reason. I don't know why, but for those of you losers who have no life and are actually reading this, Why is it that people like me fear to be alone?

We make different personas to be accomanied by at all times, though most of us know they aren't real. Such as me, I have a voice, powered by me, to help me not feel so alone. I don't know it's name, I don't know if it's a he or a she, but I know that it's there for me when I need it. So, of course, if anyone were to tune into my thoughts, I'd be talking to myself. Which makes me feel paranoid for some reason.

Am I stupid? Am I actually sane? Am I totally insane? Why do I fear the being alone will power all else that I fear, or have hidden behind myself will come back to me, and taunt me for the rest of my time? I don't want to be alone. I can go without friends...but I want someone to love me. I want someone to hold me, and tell me that i'll never be alone again. I want to know why I feel like that, but I doubt my parents are gonna take me to a psychiatrist.

Then I feel like i'm just making those who I tell half of very few of my problems to are just thinking "why the hell is she like this?" I just...I want to be fixed. I never believed in normal, for it is just a utopia along with sane, but I want to be as close to it as thought, I don't want to be so different in this way. I don't want to be needy. I don't want to be clingy. I want someone to love. To hold. But where is that person? Even if it's just fake, how am I supossed to deal with myself - find myself! - if there isn't someone here to hold me if I fall, or if I end up hurting myself emotionally even more. I'm confused, and I just want to fix this all, but I don't know what to do.

Does anyone have anything to say? Advice? A shut-up no one cares? A you're-so-fucking-insane-I-don't-want-to-read-you're-shit-anyways? Anything?

I feel so desperate, but I don't know what else to do...

Wait, sorry. I can't update yet, I left my binder at school because I didn't wanna carry it. I have to walk about a mile after school to get home, because I'm almost to the point of the need of a bus, but I'm not quite there, so I must walk, and I was having breathing complications so I didn't wanna risk it. So, I'll update tomarrow!!! Promise!

That is, if anyone even reads this thing haha.

Complications, I still have no life and I didn't get to go out with my friend. BS right? Pssh. Soon as I get a bikini top I'll go to the pool with my friends. Whoohoo!

Anyways, updating, later on lookie at my update page for the links. Hope you enjoy!

(Btw, some of these were actually how I felt at the time, so uh...beware?)

Oh yeah, I just finished the new Maximum Ride book from James Patterson. He rocks man!!! I loved it, but Fang and his sexy self got kinda irritating. If you're waiting to read it, I won't spoil. Or at least try too...

I'm working on my life, but I will have A LOT to add later on!!! Hehe, see ya laters ya'll!!!

I added a lot on Myne ... which leads to my page, but my contents is so large, that, well, it's hard to find lol. But yeah, whatever. Go there and comment / rate please?

I dunno, I just...I wish I could even just settle again for someone, sit there and ignore certain comments and go on thinking I love them even longer. I miss the feeling that I "loved" someone. But it doesn't really matter does it? The girl I like is moving in 10 days, the guy I like i'm not going to date because he still has experiences with drugs, and well, that's a definate no. But whatever. It doesn't matter.

I hate exams. They're easy, but so..so...irritating; draining; boring. They won't let me take a book into the effin class room, or a spiral, so I have phrases pop into my head, and verses and stanzas, but I can't write 'em down. So i'll be a little slow for a bit with new poems.

why won't anybody Help!!! me???

Pfft. Oh well. It sucked anyways.

Damnit. I wanted to screw up my ex's myspace cuz I used to have his password. I can't make my way in anymore >_<

Hrm. Well my day sucked. That's basically it. Have fun knowing you probably have more of a life than me!

BTW - ! NEED Help!!! GO HERE AND Help!!! ME!!!
vrooooooooom
---> Help!!!

Okay.

I think i'm mentally, emotionally, and physically exhasted from pretending to be happy. It's like I had a shut down today. No one cares anymore anyways, so why must I feel the need to pretend to be happy now?

I dunno. I just wish everything would sink into the distant blackness which I tend to call a soul.
Pfft.
I hate this. Don't you?
Or am I the only one here that feels this way?

Alright. My parents made up, they're going out today for a new deck umbrella. I'm stuck with my sister, my new mascara's rockin' (!) and i'm all made-up with no place to go. I wanted to see what my new mascara looked like...and I mean, you can't just put on mascara without eyeliner right? So now I have my eyeliner, and mascara on and I want to go down the street for some ice-cream but I lost an important piece of information that I need to shop from there. So yeahp, i've got no life. I know. Someone message me? Please? I'm bored...

Mom and dad in the living room. Silence.

Me and cookies and milk in the kitchen...
At least I have the somewhat better end, too bad their negative energy is dragging me down as well.

*sniff*

This bites.

Oh your God, Oh your God, oh your FREAKING MOTHER OF GOD. *sigh* My parents never fight like this wtf? Not to mention my dad's smoking again, definatly not a good sign. *doesn't even bother to hide the pain in her eyes* I love my family, we've never showed disfunction before. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Excuse the fuckin language if you don't like it. God fuckin damnit. Okay, yeah later. I'm not too...happy atm, enjoy what life you have, be thankfull you have one out of the house >_<

Okay, me and my friend Heather were sitting in class doing our math work for once, when the beginning of this question about a pinata popped up:

'The students in Mrs. Haberlou's Spanish class are making a pinata, which they plan to fill with pennies.'

OKAY! That being said, if you found anything strong enough to hold the pinata up, it would fall and burst, or just automatically fall hurting the kids wouldn't it? Or if you found something strong enough to hold it up, if someone touched it, it would burst would it not? This makes no sense! With as heavy as a sphere pinata filled with pennies is, it wouldn't be easy to defy the force of gravity, so why did they put this in a math booklet?

Since you need math for science, if they read that question, wouldn't some kids think that meant that a pinata full of pennies isn't that heavy?

Jeeze, people aren't smart when they are giving us tests are they? North Carolina sucks >_<

At least I have Janet Evanovich to ease my mind.

I really, truly, have no life. Maybe I could get Clint to put me a skateboard together? But then i'd have to go to the skate park and skate infront of everybody...it's not that I care what they think, it's the fact that everyone there will be able to do stuff that I can't, and that irritates me. One reason why I don't want to date a writer.

Or, or or!!!

Maybe I can quit SWG again and see where that gets me?

Nope won't work. I'm too attached now 8(

Anyone got any suggestions? Our school district sucks, so no extra curricular activies. The only after school stuff here in tutoring in stuff I excell in. *shrugs* For now, Reel Big Fish understands me. Same with Brody Dalle. And Save Ferris. And Mr. Big (I'd DIE for "To Be With You!!!"). Actually my nano and many, many more.

Well today my oh-so-once-loving ex boyfriend turned into the dick I used to know he was before he presented himself as a friend. He called me up, because we've talked after the break-up as actually good friends, and he was locked out of his house and his new girlfriend got her phone taken away; hense the basis of calling me.

When he called I was in the middle of reading PheonixV's poetry, and I told him some of it. "Oh well he's just an Emo." So I replied, "People like you are the reason so many Emo's kill themselves every year, and no, I don't believe he'd like the fact you called him 'Emo'." "Oh well, let the Emos kill themselves, just one more person I want dead. They're like gays, no one wants them around." So I hung up on him, i'm still trying to figure out when he became such a heartless jerk, and might I add, I no longer feel sorry for almost making him cry by breaking up with him.

Stupid dickmunching, cum guzzling, jackass.

YAY! I'm aloud to have a writersco!!! whoo. my momma said yee eess *sings and dances* i do that too often...Oh well, had to share 8P

Okay, I re-did my index a bit, I now have a contents. Yes I know some are repeated, that means that work could be under the two - three different topics. Soon i'll have one for my world of Opell...actually I'll make that now. But look, I s'pose. Please comment?

oh yeah, beginning to the second part of "Be Still My Fast Beating Heart" !!!

-Be still my fast beating heart. What on Shak’ell was this elf thinking? The water is so black I can barley see her, her vivid, luminous fiery hair, her pallor skin tone, just the dark frame of her silhouette drifting unconsciously into the deep water below,
Be still my fast beating heart. How could she feel this way? It is a live, her life, not anything that some “he” did to her. One thought echoes through her thoughts. Mith. Vivid illusions of a very, very attractive male enter thought, and they blur into random almost photo like images. A strong angry face, yelling and throwing his hands about to emphasize as I see the beautiful elf wincing…and the slide show continued…-

Just a taste for anyone who cares out there. I doubt I'll get published, but hey, who brought my negative energy into this anyhow?

oh yeah, beginning to the second part of "Be Still My Fast Beating Heart" !!!

-Be still my fast beating heart. What on Shak’ell was this elf thinking? The water is so black I can barley see her, her vivid, luminous fiery hair, her pallor skin tone, just the dark frame of her silhouette drifting unconsciously into the deep water below,
Be still my fast beating heart. How could she feel this way? It is a live, her life, not anything that some “he” did to her. One thought echoes through her thoughts. Mith. Vivid illusions of a very, very attractive male enter thought, and they blur into random almost photo like images. A strong angry face, yelling and throwing his hands about to emphasize as I see the beautiful elf wincing…and the slide show continued…-

Just a taste for anyone who cares out there. I doubt I'll get published, but hey, who brought my negative energy into this anyhow?

I'm still managing to be the prettiest princess with the prettiest tiara in the whole widest world.

what? I CAN LIE TO MYSELF CAN'T I?!? Come on, it doesnt take a brain scientist to realize that i'm not as pretty as i could be >_< but I guess that with thick black eyeliner that's kinda different. I'm unique, what can I say?

Hrmm. Okay, I feel guilty. Confession : it's not even my fualt. Clint - one of my best friends, and my other best friends boyfriend - told me....quite a few times today (Heather wasn't here) that i'm pretty, and if Heather had said no to him at the beginning of thise year, he would have asked me... and I finally got a chance to get out to people here that i'm bi 8P And as I knew it would be, Clint is cool with it, and so would Heather.

But I still wish I had someone. To hold me, and tell me that they love me, and they will never hurt me. I broke that one, just a bit ago, but he's moved on already. I miss him dearly, I hope that time will bring us back to where we left off...only in the same state, and hopefully that same city even. Zip-Code if possible? But fate never worked kindly to me.

I dunno. I hate life, I still wish the Earth had done away with the human race after she left us find fire. How much you wanna bet that some accident lead to us not dying after that discovery? *shrugs* oh well, that's just my opinion.+

...

any one wanna cuddle? (man I sound so easy. *is now angry with herself*)