[-deleted-]: 16.Ruthless

Links to the various pages of my first novel named Ruthless. It's about a gangster/ mobster named Holden Jaykedson, who true to the novels title is ruthless.

Feel free to comment on any of the pages and I hope you enjoy reading the story.

2005-05-11 pixie_shimmer: Hullo :-D I read through :-) It is coming along nicely ...there are some grammar and wording things that could be fixed up but the essence of the actual storyline is good :-) One thing though - I think that the description of Holden should go after the teacher guy goes to bed? It just seems to break up the story too much if it is in between... :-)

2005-05-11 -deleted-: Okay, thanks. I know what you mean about the grammar I wrote it in a notepad file which doesn't change speelings and stuff I'll get that sorted out soon. I kind of liked the thing that Holden's description came next but I see what you mean all that excitment and then Jackson going home kind of spoils it.

2005-05-11 -deleted-: Update: I've changed it now and I've decided to change Jackson's name aswell because it's easy to get mixed up with Jaykeson. He is now called Micheal Raton and all grammar and spelling are fixed.

2005-05-12 pixie_shimmer: :-D Oh yeah...Word is always good for writing drafts because it tell you if you spell stuff wrong :-D Jackson going home doesnt spoil the excitement :-P It just sort of ...cuts in maybe :-) But, I will give it another read later if you like :-D *is at work at the moment*

2005-05-13 -deleted-: Yeah i've got to write some more, I've got another chapter coming soon!

2005-05-13 pixie_shimmer: woo! :-D I dont know how you people do this...I have only ever been able to do short stories :-)

2005-05-13 -deleted-: Yep, well I really like this story line and I'm keeping it going for as long as possible.