[-deleted-]: 16.Ruthless.Prologue

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2005-06-02 10:55:10

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[-deleted-]: 16.Ruthless

[-deleted-]: 16.Ruthless.Chapter 1

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Ruthless Gangster Prologue

Ruthless: Prologue

Style:

novel

License:

Free for private usage

Author's Note: I've decided to keep this short and sweet to get more people interested in reading it. The next few chapters are alot longer and have more in. Thanks. And thanks to [jesska] for some pointers.

Prologue

The towering shadow loomed over its victim, prepared to take his life. He made his victim's eyes water in fear, the sight of a crying man was one that the shadow had to put up nearly as regularly was pleading men, and then again nearly as much as the term "I can pay your boss it back in 24 hours." Of course 'it' normally referred to a large sum of money that the killers boss loaned out to good bodies who where gullible enough to believe that they'd never have to pay it back. Those unfortunate victims ended the same way as the man laid down in front of the shadow. Neither his hands nor brow was sweating due to the countless amount of kills he had performed to this day.

He had been waiting to kill his victim for a long time after the victim, who’s name was Joe Johnson, had become involved into a circle of drug smugglers and dealers who had been committing their various crimes on a patch of land that belonged to the crime organisation that the man in front of him was part of. The mobster's finger was tensing of the trigger, he did not intend to kill the man instantly however give him a deep enough wound, in a place which would not effect his victim critically but just had enough blood going to it to make him bleed to death. This was one of the most experienced mobsters in the and he had the knowledge of several thousand different modes of torture however he never got to use any of them as none where short enough to be pulled of in a small space of time. He had now planned to shoot.

[-deleted-]: 16.Ruthless.Chapter 1

2005-05-11 ArchangelGabriel: Seating should be sweating

2005-05-11 -deleted-: Thanks ^^

2005-05-19 Shh: Great storyline! However, there are lots of spelling and grammatical mistakes. I don't mean to offend you, but I think with a little more editing, this story could really be better! :D

2005-05-19 -deleted-: Yep, i know. As I've stated on the main page I wrote this on notepad which doesn't have a spell check on. I will get around to editing it soon, thanks for the comment.

2005-06-01 jesska: "that the mobster stood in front of him was part of" this sentence was at first hard to understand. I had to read it twice, an easier way to word it perhaps would be to write something like "that the shadow (mobster) was a part of." i added mobster in brackets because i thought that word could optionably be removed from that line. and the word 'however' (the first time used in the second paragraph) alternativly could be 'just'. You seem to be missing a word in the second paragraph between " experienced mobsters in the ---- and he had...." otherwise i thik this prolouge is a great strat to what sounds like a very god story.

2006-02-19 iippo: Hey, I stumbled by from that critique-wiki. This is looking excellent. Few grammatical pointers to enhance it: On the fourth line of the first paragraph killers should be killer's (possessive instead of plural, yes?) And in the third last line of the second paragraph, this was one of the most experienced mobsters in the and seems that there should be something before and... In the town? In the world? And have a play at how many different words for 'mobster' you can come up with. Synonyms can really spice up a story. :)