[iippo]: 207.Human-People.AcademicAttack

I, the art-student

There is a moment in a young person's life, when the childhood question "what will you be when you grow up" becomes a real problem. What do I want to be? School is nearing to an end, I need to specify my area of expertise. I need to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. My parents will no longer listen to vagueness or sillyness - they are demanding a coherent answer.

"I want to be a doctor." But your biology-grade is only a 7 out of 10. It's not your best. Why would you want to do that?
"Then I want to be a musician." You should have been playing since you were 4, that's how all the greats have done. You only picked up the interest three years ago. Be realistic, you'll never be good enough.
"How about..." No, your math grade is not the best, you need math in those professions. Why didn't you think of this when you chose the short math route?
"I'm good at languages!" You can't be an air hostess, they need good eye sight in planes and you have glasses. So you want to be a tourist guide?
"No, not a guide... maybe a translator... I like to read..." Don't be ridiculous, that's incredibly difficult work. Have you ever seen the real-time translators when they work in the UN? I think they made a film of that, did you watch it? Horrible work.

Eventually I stop listening to them and try to listen to myself. I know what I'm good at, so I go for it. Art. Abroad. Suddenly they are all silent. No more comments, nor critique. They all ask adult questions from me like from another adult. How about funding, banking, living, airfare, holidays? All is sorted out and suddenly I'm on a plane with overweight luggage, due to land in an hour and a half in a country I've never been to before, to meet people I've never met before, to not return to my life until after at least three months. Everything goes by in a blur, everyone speaks so fast or with such a strange accent that I can barely comprehend.

And then life gets back to a routine.

But the nagging insecurity never gives up, asking over and over again: Did you make the right decision? What will you be when you grow up? In the classroom you are not artistic enough, in the real world you are too much. What will you ever achieve? Who will benefit from the labour of your life? Who will love you?

There are many reactions from people who get the answer to their question "so what course are you doing?" At the answer "fine art," polite people go "oh?" Others ask "so what will you be in the end?" Some start asking question about the course itself - "that's painting and drawing isn't it?" Some hear wrong, smile and nod saying "ah, finance, good good." All of the reactions make the heart of the student plummet. They do not understand. They will never understand. Will anyone? Will I?

The future is hazy, frightening, painful. I need to live up to everybody's hopes and expectations. I need to achieve a level of-

Wait. No I don't. Only one I need to please is me. If I am unhappy, will not the people who love me also be unhappy? And if what they want makes me unhappy, is that what they really want after all? I know my dreams best. I'm the only one who can achieve them. I'm not afraid to work for my future, as long as it's my decision.

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