[iippo]: 207.Human-People.Short-story1

The day he left, I changed.

It was a gradual change; came about me slowly. First it was just little things: with a glance I could see that my keys were on the chair under my hat, or that the mailman was behind the door putting my mail through the mail slot. I didn't even realise it was happening. Then it started to get confusing. I couldn’t understand the books I read. Either the words or the sentences didn’t join together smoothly, and it happened even with books I had read before. Sometimes when using the computer I might suddenly see the insides of the screen, as if a vision of a broken machine had suddenly overtaken me. I was getting frightened. I didn’t know what to do, wherever I looked, I saw things that weren’t there… Or actually were there but should have been hidden. People on the street might all of the sudden appear naked, or even as bare skeletons in front of me. Only in sleep I felt safe. Finally I approached a doctor, telling about my hallucinations. I was sent from one specialist to another, but my diagnosis didn’t get anywhere. I became so frightened of this that I moved town.

Without knowing it, I moved to the same town he had done when he left me. Without knowing it I had followed him, stalked him, and was now unconsciously trying to find him.

Then I found him.

I was in my bedroom, lost in thought, staring at the wall without seeing. Then my condition took over me. Instead of seeing the wall I saw my kitchen, which is directly behind the wall. Then I saw the back garden behind the kitchen, then through the wall into my neighbour’s garden. On and on, further away, as if travelling through the city with increasing speed. Suddenly I stopped. I was sitting on my bed, staring through my wall into an apartment far away. He was there, preparing dinner. Tears flooded my eyes as I recalled all the times he had cooked for me, or when we had cooked together. I watched him all evening, captivated like by a good film. It became a daily routine. Like Clytia whose eyes followed the Sun, with one glance I could locate him in the city: working, at home, with friends.

Then came the shock. Another woman. In his apartment. With him. I felt as if I had turned into stone, not able of turning my eyes away, not able to do anything. I felt slightly sick at the thought of me spying on him like this, but I couldn’t stop myself. All night I watched them enjoy their dinner, having a glass of wine and talking, laughing, kissing, making love over and over again. Paralyzed, I watched the scene unfolding, knowing what he must be saying – all the same old lines he had used with me –, knowing what his tongue must be doing and how she is enjoying it. I was disgusted with myself and them, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even think of a plan of action.

The next day I was watching him again.