[Burning Inside]: 233.New Centra.New Centra Chapter 1

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2006-08-23 12:39:00
 
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Chapter 1

The night was cold and dark as water clashed upon the gravel road creating puddles on the sides where people would be sleeping. Or at least that’s how it seemed from the abandoned underground tunnels which used to contain trains, but the rich outlawed those years ago when they felt that everything should be kept in the view of people for better safety for the people.

I laughed every time I heard about the rich making decisions for the poor about how to better live they’re lives. They didn’t know a thing about how life among the streets was, they just assumed and with those assumptions decided how our lives would get better, which usually ended up making our lives even worse then before they intervened.

“These tunnels will take you anywhere in the city Mister” a cheerful little girl who was around the age of ten interrupted my thoughts, she always seemed to do that, but would never leave me alone. “They can take you from one end all the way to the other, at least that’s what my daddy tells me” A smile always seemed to illuminate her face when she spoke, but that’s how it was with all little kids, or so I’d assume.

“I know little one, I have lived her for several years now, almost as long as you have been alive, and you tell me this everyday I know.” I told her in a rather harsh manner as she had gotten rather bothersome over the past year.

Her face shifted from a cheery bright smile to an almost teary face that would have a normal man collapse under the pressure and try to make it up to her, smothering her in love and gifts. Sadly, I was a normal man when it came to affection of small children.

“Look I didn’t mean it I…” She interrupted my apology rather quickly, again with a smile upon her face.

“My daddy tells me that the rain is God’s way of washing away the bad men’s evilness” Now she managed to skip backwards ahead of me, all the while keeping her eyes on me as though if she stopped looking even for a second I would have darted the other way.  However when it came to this girl and her annoying stories that probably would have been true, if there were anywhere to run to.

“Daddy tells me that there was a whole book written on God, and that there used to be copies of it everywhere, but they were taken away from us.” Like all of her other stories this one was true as well. One man, or at least I think it was one man, decided that God only felt for the people with money, the bible was said to have proof that, that wasn’t true, so he; or they, had it disposed of the only people who could keep the bible were the ones living in the tower.

The ones who lived in the tower were the ones who had jobs, but when they got the job they were told that they were to move into the tower, never able to leave again, a family could come with them, but that’s it any friends had to stay on the streets hoping to one day receive a job as well.  A job that was better then the armies pay, funny we serve and protect them from people like use, and in return we get to live, like people like us. I don’t see why I ever worked for them, or why I continued to, the job was awful, the money, well there was no money, and the food; I think that’s the reason I stayed, if I didn’t my wife might have to scavenge for food like everyone else, and we had been expecting a child so I couldn’t let that happen.

Suddenly the little girl turned around has her neck long brunette hair, that matched the colour of her eyes, swayed across her face and then back to where it sat before. Her arms spread out to the sides pulling her tattered brown shirt up, a shirt that was also used slightly as pants as it went down to her knees.

“Up” was the only word the little girl said, and I knew what she meant, as she also did this everyday.

I picked her up by the arms and threw her on top of my shoulders, holding her legs. It was something every parent seemed to do with there children, or at least children that they were looking after when the child’s legs had grown tired.

“Thanks Mister, so where we going?” She seemed to still be optimistic as she used my head to play a beat on with her hands giving me the odd smarty from the ball cap I was wearing.

“Well Sally, I figured today I would head over to check out the electricity for the rich people” I told her with utter confidence that she wouldn’t tell anyone else since she knew nothing about it, or what I was going to do.

“My daddy told me that electricity can hurt people, and that I should never get close to it” Still impervious as to what I had just said to her, she continued to bat on my head.

“That right and you never should, but I know what I’m doing so I’m aloud to” I told her the last part because I knew she would go on about how I shouldn’t do that if I hadn’t said that to her. Right after I said that I came to the tubes that held hundreds of electrical wires. “Well I’m going to have to put you down here, now stay put I’ll be right back” I knew she wasn’t going to go anywhere either way, I just figured I would say that so she didn’t feel like I wasn’t going to come back.

Venturing over to the tubes, I took off my lime-green ball cap, and examined the tubes finding out if they had any flaws what they might have been, trying to figure out which tubes went to which sections. I didn’t have a personal vendetta against everyone in the tower, only some, and there was no reason for the others to have to pay as well. But I was no perfect electrician, all the tubes looked the same to me, they were all filled with wires heading to the same places. This wasn’t the brightest idea on my part, I guess I figured if I took a look at them I might be able to figure something out. But I was wrong, horribly wrong.

“Alright Sally, lets get back to your dad’s I’m done here” I said standing up and turning to see Sally sitting there dangling her feet off the edge into the railway. I picked her up and flung her back onto my shoulders as we began to walk down the tunnels back to where everyone managed to live.

Just moments into the walk Sally spoke up, “hey mister where’s your hat?” I was in such a hurry to get back I managed to forget my hat sitting upon the ground.

“Damn, hold on I’ll be right back” I said while putting her down onto the tracks. “Alright, but don’t take to long” she mocked me with her stern voice pretending to be an actual woman.

Running back to where the tubes were set, I saw my ball cap sitting there in the middle of the ground just where I left it. When I picked it up I dusted it off to make sure it was still clean, or as clean as I could get it, and placed it back on my head, then ran back to Sally.

“There we go Sally, now we can…” the words ceased to come out of my mouth, as they would have no point, since no one was listening. Sally had disappeared.

2006-08-23 shadow in the midst: a few spelling mistakes but its very intriguing.

2006-08-24 Emily: "The night was cold and dark as water clashed upon the gravel road creating puddles on the sides where people would be sleeping. " Definitely a run-in sentence. Make it something like, "The night was cold and dark as puddles of dirty water formed on the gravel road where people would be sleeping. "

"I laughed every time I heard about the rich making decisions for the poor, especially about how to live their lives better." Fixed!

"They didn’t know a thing about how life among the streets was, they just assumed and with those assumptions decided how our lives would get better, which usually ended up making our lives even worse then before they intervened." This is mostly just a big run-in sentence of babble. It needs a little voice to it. My advice:

"They don't know a thing about how life among the streets is, they just assume. With all these assumptions they make, it's no wonder the lives of the poor are so miserable." Just to mention in the first caption, you messed up between Then and Than again. It should be 'than', as it isn't referring to time. Remember that!!!

The little girl bit -- Too much information MUCH too quickly. It should be like,
“These tunnels will take you anywhere in the city, mister,” a little girl said, interrupting my thoughts."

This is all I can get to right now... it's early and I need sleep. But so far, so good!


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